The Similars (The Similars #1)(79)

“I don’t have a father.”

“Your DNA father, then. He is…” I have to tell him. “He’s Gravelle.”

The words hang in the air between us. As soon as I’ve said them, I’m filled with regret. Will anything ever be the same again? Can it be?

“Underwood faked his death. The car crash, it didn’t kill him. Oliver left me a message, in his hologram… He discovered all of this. He wanted me to know. I had to tell you,” I say with conviction. “Maude didn’t want me to. She’s going to be angry at me, furious even. But I can’t keep this from you. Not anymore.”

Levi is quiet for a moment.

“Levi? Please. Say something.”

“I’ve suspected for a while now.” I can tell he’s trying to hide his hurt from me. But he can’t hide it, not entirely.

“You have?”

He nods. “I denied it, for years, because of what it meant. Sharing genes with Gravelle… It would mean that I was the worst of us. The one related to our guardian by blood. The one with an inescapable tie to the man who had kept us isolated all those years. I didn’t want to believe it. But I think I’ve always known.”

He knows. He’s always known. I haven’t ruined his life with this news. “When Oliver left me that note,” I explain, “I was so desperate to understand his message, it never occurred to me that it would affect you too. I’m sorry, Levi. I didn’t want to make your life more complicated. Not that it would be the first time,” I add. “I have a bad habit of ruining people’s lives.”

Levi studies me, and I’m certain he can see past my hardened exterior to the girl inside, the one who was lonely and sad long before Oliver died. He steps back from me, pained. “Why would you say something like that?”

“Because it’s true, isn’t it?” I shrug. “It’s my fault my mother died. I was sick. I had leukemia. My parents thought I would die; the doctors were sure of it. For a year, my parents went through hell. Chemotherapy, drugs that made me so weak I couldn’t keep my eyes open.

“When I was on the brink of death, my mother couldn’t stand it anymore. She couldn’t cope with the thought of losing me. She had wanted a child so badly. It had taken her years of fertility treatments to conceive. She loved me so much that, in the end, she couldn’t bear to watch me die.” I pause. I’ve never told anyone that except Oliver. “My mother overdosed on pharmas. And then, within weeks of her death, the miracle happened,” I say bitterly. “My father found an experimental treatment in Sweden. Nanobots. He whisked me there against everyone’s advice. And even though the doctors thought the treatment would never work, it did. I survived. Except my mother was already gone. My whole life, I’ve been aware of the irony of my existence. I shouldn’t have lived; she should have. My father’s never been able to stand looking at me because of that. I took her away from him. So that’s it. My whole sad life story. Everyone around me, and I mean everyone, leaves, or dies, or gets attacked in a boathouse. If I were you, I’d watch your back.”

Levi doesn’t answer me. He gently reaches a hand to the small of my back and pulls me toward him. As our bodies merge, I press my lips to his with a hunger that is matched only by his twin desire. And even though there is so much that scares me—Prudence’s safety, whatever Levi’s friends are enduring at the hands of Ransom, the truth behind Oliver’s death—I sink into Levi’s arms, and for a few stolen moments, I allow myself to forget.

*

Reeling from the events of the day, I climb into bed. We sat on the floor, Levi and I, and I traced my fingers over his bare arms. Over the spot where that wound healed at warp speed after his dive into Dark Lake. Touching his skin like that, electricity coursed through my veins. I felt supercharged, amped, like every nerve ending in my body had been prodded and awoken. I also felt terrified.

What were we doing? What were we thinking? I’d never kissed a boy like that before. I’d never wanted to. And this boy I used to hate with every fiber of my being, was now the only one I would ever want to kiss. We could stay up all night, every night talking, and it would never be enough. We could never be close enough.

We’d considered it—me staying over in his room. In the end, I left. It went against every impulse I had, and yet I knew it was the right thing to do. What if Jago came back and discovered me there? What if—?

I hadn’t allowed myself think about it.

“Dash,” I whisper, as I slide deep under the covers, still dressed in my jeans and hoodie.

“Yes, Emmaline? Is there something I can assist you with?”

“Oh, you know,” I say, my voice trembling. “Everything.”

I know Dash can’t smile, but I feel the comfort of his presence anyway. “Good night, Emmaline,” are the last words I hear before I drift off to sleep.

The next morning, Levi and I find each other at breakfast. I scan the dining hall for the Similars. They aren’t here.

“Have you seen the others? Did Jago come back last night?”

“Yes, but he was still asleep this morning when I got up. I’ll talk to them,” Levi promises. “About Ransom and the research. I’ll find out why they didn’t tell me…”

“To protect you,” I guess.