The Savage Grace: A Dark Divine Novel(23)

He pushed open her door and I saw her for the first time in over a week—yet I barely recognized her. She sat up in her bed, staring at what seemed like a black smudge on the wall, wearing gray sweats like all the other patients—but without a drawstring in the pants waist, I realized now—and slippers on her feet. Both items she wouldn’t have been caught dead wearing outside of the house in the past. Her normally beautiful hair hung stringy and unwashed around her face, which was so hollow looking, I wondered just how long it had been since she’d eaten anything at all.

“She hasn’t voluntarily left that spot since she got here,” he said. “She won’t go to group or eat with the others. She won’t even say a word to me.”

I swallowed hard. I’d lived through many of my mother’s bad days in the last year, but now she just seemed … vacant. “Will she ever get better?”

“Not until her mind can come to terms with her new reality—the true one—whatever that may be. What is it your father is always saying, ‘The truth shall set you free’? That’s what your mother needs to process: the truth. Whatever happened that caused this—it’s rocked her off her foundation. Until she can find her footing again, both mentally and emotionally, this is the only way her mind knows how to function.” He indicated her catatonic stare.

I nodded, as if I actually understood. So what Mom needed to do was tell her doctors she’s accepted the fact that her oldest son is a werewolf and her daughter is a superpowered demon hunter? Yeah, I don’t see that earning her a ticket out of the psych ward anytime soon.

“I’ll give you ten minutes alone with her. Short visits are best.”

I checked my watch, pretending I didn’t have much time anyway. A short visit was all I had the energy for. Maybe I don’t have the strength at all.…

“It’s good you came,” Dr. Connors said, and gave me a nudge into the room. He closed the door behind me. I felt trapped all over again.

Three eternal minutes ticked by on my watch as I stood there, not knowing what to do. Or what to say. Mom didn’t move. She didn’t even try to glance at me.

“Mom?” My voice sounded so awkward. I felt like I was talking to that smudge on the wall. I took two small steps closer to her. “Mom?”

No acknowledgment.

But maybe I didn’t want her to look at me. Dad had told her what had happened to me … about the curse … and maybe now she’d see me only as a monster. Maybe that was what she couldn’t accept.

“Mommy?” Tears pricked my eyes. “I don’t know what all Daddy told you, but it’s true. I know it’s hard to believe—what happened to Jude … and me. But I’m still your daughter. And Jude’s still your son. And he’s back now. And he needs you. We all need you.”

Nothing.

“James and Charity are staying with Aunt Carol—but they can’t stay there forever. And Dad’s been hurt. Really hurt. He needs someone to take care of him. But I have so much on my plate. I’m trying to find a way to turn Daniel back into a human. And Jude needs someone to help him, too. There’s a madman with a pack of demons that wants me dead, and another werewolf pack that wants me for heaven knows what reason. And then I’ve got my own pack of five—four—werewolf boys, who keep looking to me to be their leader … or mother … or something. But I don’t know how to do it all. And I can’t do it by myself. We all need you.” I stepped even closer. What I wanted to do was throw my arms around her and bury my head against her like I did when I was a child. Instead, I placed my hand on her thin fingers. “I need a mother. We all need one.”

She didn’t move. Not even a twitch of her fingers.

“Please, Mom. That’s who you are. That’s who we need you to be. That’s your reality, no matter how crazy any of this is. Be my mother. Please.”

Tears stung my face as they slid down my cheeks. Mom hated public crying just as much as I did, but I let them flow. She didn’t notice. She didn’t react. Just kept staring at that damn smudge. I don’t know how I’d thought this was going to play out, but in my imagination I thought she would at least care.

My muscles ached as I felt a deep rumbling surge up from a dark place inside my heart. The wolf in my head whispered for me to lash out at my mom—or at the shell of the woman who sat in front of me now. The impulse made me sick. I clutched at my stomach and took deep breaths, focusing on purging those emotions from my mind. I hadn’t come here to get angry. I’d come here to get my mother back.

I let go of her hand and left her room. Covering my tear-streaked face with my arm, I passed the nurses’ station and asked Latisha to buzz me out the door.

What I needed now was to get away.

I almost ran into an older couple waiting outside the elevator when I exited the psych ward. The woman leaned her weight into her husband, and he clasped his arm around her for support. I noticed she bore a striking resemblance to the young woman I’d seen when I’d first entered the ward. I wondered if these were that patient’s parents, and I couldn’t bear the thought of sharing the confined space of the elevator with them. Like I might absorb their pain on top of mine.

Instead, I pushed open the heavy stairwell door and let it slam closed behind me. I darted down a couple of flights of stairs, my echoing footsteps chasing behind me. I made it all the way to the landing that would take me back out to the ICU floor before I fell against the wall.