The Queen of Bright and Shiny Things(90)

“My personal feelings don’t matter, dude. This is an important project. It’s good for the town and the environment.”

“Okay. Then I’ll get to work.”

With Dylan’s help, Conrad creates stone paths between the seedlings and he’s so zen about everything that I feel like I’d like to get to know him better. Dylan doesn’t complain or slack; he’s quiet and polite, speaking only when spoken to. I could feel sorry for him if he wasn’t the reason I lost Shane.

Work takes all day but by the time we finish, there are three sections. Near the front, we’ve planted flowers and Gwen’s dad has donated a simple wooden bench where people can sit and enjoy them. The back of the lot is divided into rows of vegetables, and we’ll send what we grow to the aid center that received the canned goods from our food drive at Christmas. And to the left, there’s a small herb patch. I can’t wait to see these plants thrive and bloom.

After we finish, Gwen prevents us from running off. “This was our big project for the year … and it’s finished now. I move we work out a care schedule for the garden and let that stand in lieu of regular meetings for the rest of the school year.”

“Works for me,” Kenny says.

“We need to weed, water, and fertilize regularly,” Conrad adds.

In time, they come up with a fair division of labor, so nobody’s working more than an hour a week, exactly the time we’d spend at the meeting, and the garden should be in great shape by the end of the summer.

“Wait,” Tara says. “So we keep this up through the summer, too?”

Lila laughs. “The garden can’t tend itself.”

“If you go on vacation, call someone to cover for you. Don’t let the garden die, okay?” Gwen looks particularly concerned with this point.

“We got it,” Mel says.

The club starts to break up, but Gwen yells, “Not yet! I have something else to say.”

“When don’t you?” Kenny mumbles. Tara frowns at him, but he’s over his crush, and he ignores her. I’m glad he didn’t quit the group since I think she’s why he joined in the first place.

“I just want to tell you all that I think you did a great job on this project. As most of you know, I’m graduating, so I won’t be around to lead next year. So I’m nominating Sage to take my place. All in favor?”

Unanimously, despite the crap that went down at school, despite my past and Shane going away. They picked me. This might not seem like a big deal to anyone else, but to me, they might as well have written me a Post-it and stuck it on my locker that reads: Hey, we know who you are, and it’s okay. The feeling is like riding down a hill on my bike with my arms up. At this moment, I feel like I might be able to touch the sky.

“Thanks,” I say softly. “I’ll try to do a good job.”


I have a future. I love Shane and I miss him. But I’m okay. I’ve lived through much worse than this. I came out broken, but Aunt Gabby helped me put the pieces back together. They say that a broken thing is never as strong again where it fractured, but I don’t know if I believe that. In this moment, I feel powerful. I feel free.

After that, Ryan and Lila leave with me. I watch Dylan, watching Lila, and he doesn’t realize that I am. There’s so much naked longing in his look that I have to turn my head. He balls up a fist as Ryan opens the door for her, and then he strides away. My friends take Ryan’s ride, so they get there faster, and when I pedal up, they’re staring at the car parked in my driveway. It’s an old beater, rusted, and there’s a man sitting inside it.

“Do you know him?” Lila asks.

Ryan steps in front of us protectively. “Should I call the cops?”

My heart’s beating so hard, I can barely hear them. “I’m pretty sure that’s Shane’s dad.”

“Oh, holy shit.” Lila’s mouth is practically hanging open. “What’re you gonna do?”

I’ve left my phone number and address with the front desk a hundred times. I just never thought I’d see Henry Cavendish again. Trembling, I crunch my way up the gravel drive to the driver’s side door and tap on the window. He jumps. A picture tumbles from his hands. From that I know he’s been out to the trailer because it’s the one that reads Jude and Henry, together forever on the back.

For the first time, I imagine myself in his shoes. I’ve been with Shane for years, and then I learn he’s dying. He’s my whole world; I love him more than life itself. I mean, thinking about how I feel now … and I’m just not with him, but at least I know he’s out there, somewhere. How would I react to a world without Shane? I like to think I’d be brave enough to stay with him until the end. But I don’t know. I don’t. There are no guarantees, and sometimes you don’t know how you’ll jump until your feet are in the fire. Now I see a weak and lonely man in Henry Cavendish, not an evil one. Sorrow has eroded him until there’s only a dry channel left that once flowed with a river of love.

He climbs out of the car, moving like the Tin Man with rusted joints. “Stop calling me. Please.”

“Never,” I answer. “If you think asking me to go away will work when Shane needs me, then you don’t know me very well.”

“No, I mean … you don’t need to. I’m not at the motel anymore.” He digs into his pocket, producing the business card of the social worker Aunt Gabby has spoken to more than once. “I’m working on this. I’m trying to do the right thing.”