The Pretty One(71)

The smile fades from his face. “What’s wrong?”

I turn away. I can’t tell him what I have done. I know I can’t keep it a secret forever but I just can’t handle it right now.

“Nothing.” I set down my backpack and take out my script.

“I’m almost done memorizing my lines,” I say, in a voice I’m hoping he’ll interpret as enthusiastic.

He takes my hand and says, “I was a little worried about you the other night. You kind of disappeared when Lucy got home. And then when I couldn’t reach you, well, I didn’t know what had happened.”

Once again I get a visual of Lucy’s face when she came out of the shower after she’d been crying. I pull away and take a couple of steps back. “My head was hurting.”

“I’m sorry,” he says. “Are you feeling better?”

“I’m all right,” I manage.

“I never got a chance to do what I had intended to do the other night. I came over because I wanted to ask you if you wanted to go to the fall festival with me.”

I can’t breathe.

“What do you think?”


I think…I think…I think I need a tissue. My hands are shaking so wildly I can barely unzip the side pocket of my backpack to pull out the little package I always carry with me. “I can’t,” I spit out before blowing my nose into a Kleenex.

It’s totally, unnaturally, quiet.

I clear my throat and turn back to face him. I might as well get this over with now. “I told Simon I would go with him.”

“Simon?”

I pick up my script and stare at it.

Drew starts walking to the front of the room and stops. “So…you and Simon…are you guys just friends, or is it…something else?”

“Something else?” I want to tell him that it’s not just about Simon. It’s about my sister, too. And it’s about being true to my old self.

“Are you and Simon dating?”

I swallow hard. “We’ve been best friends forever.”

“So you’re just friends?”

“Not exactly,” I whisper.

I can see a flash of pain in Drew’s eyes as he pauses a second.

“He just…he really knows me. He cares about me for who I am.” There. That should do it. Relationship over.

“Okay,” he says finally, and motions for me to take my place.

But as we begin to recite our lines, I notice that Drew’s demeanor has changed. Usually he’s patient and encouraging when I forget a line, but today he seems annoyed, almost angry. All I can I think about is how tender he was to me the other night and how he offered to make me spaghetti and how it felt when he kissed me and now it’s all gone.

When Drew decides to call it quits a half hour early, I’m relieved and upset at the same time. It’s torture to be with him and look into his eyes and know that when I walk out the door, I’ll be leaving a part of myself behind.

But it’s the sacrifice I have to make.





twenty-four

catharsis (noun): a moment of high tragedy at the emotional climax of a play, followed by an emotional cleansing for the characters and the audience.

When I get home, Lucy is in our parents’ room with the door shut. I knock but she doesn’t answer. I turn the knob and peek inside. She is wearing a bright yellow sweat suit, listening to music on her iPod as she writes in a spiral notebook.

“Hey,” I say.

She doesn’t bother to glance up.

“I just wanted to tell you that I’m going to the fall festival with Simon.”

Lucy pauses a split second before glancing at me.

I’ve been around Lucy enough to recognize a nice dramatic moment when I see it, so I seize the opportunity, turning on my heel and shutting the door behind me.

I’m halfway down the stairs when I hear the bedroom door open. “What do you mean you’re going with Simon?” Lucy calls out.

“He asked me and I said yes,” I reply.

“What about Drew?” she asks, following me.

I shrug. “What about him?”

“I thought…”

Even though I’m kind of happy Lucy is speaking to me again, I can’t have a conversation about Drew with her right now. I turn away from her and hurry into the kitchen. I begin rummaging through the cupboards with all the nervous energy of an addict. I find a half-eaten bag of Oreos and rip it open.

“When did all this happen with Simon?”

I twist an Oreo apart and pop the slightly soggy and stale creme-covered side in my mouth. I chew a couple of times and then say, “Well, things have been weird since the beginning of the year. He told me last week that his feelings for me have changed and he wanted to go to the fall festival with me.”

“Wow,” she says, dropping into a chair.

I sit down across from her and pop another Oreo into my mouth without bothering to twist it apart. I swallow the huge glob in one gulp.

“So do you like him?”

“Of course I do. He’s my best friend.”

“That’s not what I meant.”

“I, well, I guess I’ll find out. He just called a few minutes ago and asked me out on an official date this weekend.”