The Peer and the Puppet (When Rivals Play, #1) (51)

He closed his eyes while I held my breath.

Too much. I said too much.

When he opened them again, there was a gleam that suspiciously resembled satisfaction. “If you’re feeling guilty, don’t.”

“That’s not good enough.”

He sounded resigned to a fate he didn’t want when he said, “It will have to be.”

I tried to cross my arms, but the weight of his jacket made them heavy, so I settled for balling my fists even though they’d been completely swallowed by the sleeves. “Or maybe I’ll tell her what a cheating asshole you are.”

I was completely thrown when he shrugged and smoothly lowered his body until he sat in the sand.

Did he care so little for his girlfriend’s feelings?

Disgust rolled through me and on its heels…elation. I had to be the worst human being on the planet.

He suddenly reached up and tugged me down next to him. I frantically looked around, scared of who might see, but the bonfire was only streams of smoke in the distance.

“It’s all right,” he said with a secret curve of his lips. “You’re safe with me.”

Alone in the dark on the beach?

I’d be safer in the sea with hungry sharks.

As we listened to the waves crash, I wondered what his mother would have to say about her son, the rake. “Tell me about your mom.”

He looked away, letting me see his tight jaw and nothing else. “What about her?”

“I was told she disappeared. That she might have even…left?”

He shrugged as if it didn’t matter. “She did leave.”

My head was spinning from all the questions that seemed too insensitive to ask. With a lump in my throat, I could only choke out, “I’m sorry, Ever.” They were the only words that seemed right. Fisting my hands in the sand to keep from pulling him close, I watched his nostrils flare as he stared out at the water.

When he spoke again, each syllable was laced with shame and regret.

“My father and I didn’t really give her much reason to stick around. He was always working, and I was always causing trouble.”

“You were growing up.”

“I was making her sick.”

“I don’t understand.”

“The morning she left, she was going to visit her sister in New York. She hated the city, and I never knew why. I only knew that I made her desperate enough to go back.” In a much quieter voice, he added, “She was only supposed to be gone for the weekend.”

“What did you mean by you were making her sick?”

“She had anxiety. Before she left for her sister’s, she had an attack. Her blood pressure had gotten so high her doctor recommended she get away from whatever was causing her so much stress.”

“What happened?”

“My mother found out a girl tried to kill herself…because of me. I was too stupid to know she was suffering before I—”

“Before you slept with her?”

Ever simply stared back at me through sad eyes. My heart felt strangled in my chest as I recalled Jamie’s claim that Ever had changed. Maybe guilt had been the reason. Ever still went to parties, but I’d never actually seen him enjoy them. He didn’t dance, drink, or hookup with girls even though there was always a line of them waiting to be chosen.

“Was her name Olivia Portland?”

Adam’s apple bobbing, he looked away.

“I shouldn’t be surprised that you know,” he said after a while.

“You didn’t think the most popular boy at school would be excluded from gossip, did you?” My teasing was meant to lighten the mood, but his expression only became more solemn.

“I’d rather you get your facts from me. At least then I could be sure you believed only the truth.”

I was startled by his admission but smart enough not to let it show. “Why should I trust you not to lie to me?”

“There are worse things I could do to you. Lying should be the least of your concerns.”

“I see Exiled is training you well,” I remarked snippily.

“Good.” His smile was faint but dripped with deadly intent. “I’ll need them to.”

Ignoring the phantom feel of icy fingers trailing down my spine, I hastily tried to dissect his meaning. It was the first indication he’d given that he was Exiled for a reason other than simply seeking a thrill.

“Why join a gang? You have everything you could ever want.”

Eyes shooting flames, he said, “You don’t know shit about what I want.”

“Then enlighten me. You seem to know all of my secrets. Level the playing field.”

He bared his teeth and smirked. “I know your secrets because I’m clever.” Amber eyes that reminded me of autumn dropped to my lips where a sneer was forming. “And you’re reckless,” he whispered.

“I’m reckless because I have to be. It seems to me like you joined a gang because spending Daddy’s money got boring, and you needed a thrill.”

Only a millisecond passed before I was shoved onto my back. I had to quickly close my eyes to keep the sand from getting in my eyes. Ever didn’t move or make a sound, but he didn’t have to.

I could feel him.

When I opened my eyes, he was crouched low over me with his elbows resting on his thighs.