The Past and Other Things That Should Stay Buried(69)

“Why’d you come here, July?” Dino asks. The question catches me by surprise, but luckily, I have an answer ready.

“To apologize.”

“You don’t—”

I hold up my hand to stop him. “I was shitty and mean because I wanted what Rafi had. You. Not like you’re thinking. I’m not in love with you. But I do love you, and I saw you and him running off to have adventures that I wanted to be part of. It was easier to pretend he was some guy you’d get sick of eventually and that it would be the July and Dino show again.”

Dino’s lip is trembling. “I’m sorry too,” he says. “I wanted you there but I also didn’t want you there, but it wasn’t because of you—”

“I know.”

“I didn’t understand how to fit someone new into our lives, and I resented you for my own stupidity.”

“Stop.” I take his hand and lace our fingers together. “I thought the way for me to die again and stay dead was for us to let go of each other. And when you made up with Rafi, I figured you’d done it. But I was wrong. This last year of fighting proved that nothing could ever make us let go of one another. We were both idiots, and we might have stayed angry at each other for a while, maybe a long while. We might have become nemeses living in our secret underwater bases plotting increasingly gruesome ways to destroy each other for years. But that would have only proven how much we still cared. Eventually, we would have sorted it out.”

Dino looks me in the eyes, and I see the moment when his anger and all the pent-up frustration disappears. I see the moment he lets it go and becomes my Dino again. He pulls me to him and wraps his arms around me and hugs me.

“I could never hate you forever,” he says.

I hold the hug as long as I can. And then I let go. “I couldn’t die letting you think I hated you.”

Another yawn tears through me, but this one’s violent, and I sway a little. My eyes flutter, and I use the bench to steady myself.

“You okay?” Dino asks.

I nod.

“This is it, isn’t it? The end.”

“I wouldn’t be me if I didn’t make a dramatic exit.”

“What now?” he asks. “What do we do?”

Now for the hard part. “We don’t do anything.”

“But—”

“I didn’t come here for help, Dino. I came to say good-bye.”

Dino scrambles to put together an argument. “You still need me. How are you going to get into your coffin? Do you have your phone in case it doesn’t work again? You’ll need me to get you—”

“Everything’s taken care of.”

“But I’m not,” he says. “Who’s going to take care of me when you’re gone?”

I lean over and kiss his forehead. “Suck it up, DeLuca. You can take care of yourself now.”

That’s my cue. I start to rise, but Dino’s head pops up and he goes, “Wait!” He runs off before I can stop him, leaving me sitting alone and confused. Maybe I was wrong and Dino can’t take care of himself yet. He’s lost his mind and who knows what he’s going to return with, if he returns at all. The yawns are coming faster now, and my eyes feel heavy. I text Zora that I’ll meet her at the car soon. If I don’t, I’m afraid I’m going to become dead-dead right here at Delilah’s wedding.

I’m standing when Dino comes sprinting back. He’s breathing heavy and sweating and his face is red.

“Here,” he says breathlessly. He shoves a bag into my hand. Inside is the coral dress I stole from myself when I snuck into my house.

“Why do you have this?”

“I kept it in the car just in case,” he says. “No one should have to spend eternity in an ugly dress.”

I rush him and hug him one last time. “I love you, Dino. You’re gonna be amazing.”

“I love you too.” He squeezes me and I squeeze him, and then a yawn breaks us apart, and I stumble away. My head is filled with words, all the things I want to tell Dino but don’t, because he’s my best friend and he already knows.

“Hey, July!” he calls. I turn and he’s standing there with his hands in his pockets, smiling just for me. “Break a leg.”





DINO

RAFI COMES AROUND THE CORNER of the building and perks up when he sees me. He trots the rest of the distance to where I’m still sitting on the bench. I don’t know how long it’s been since July left.

“There you are,” he says. “Everyone’s been looking for you. Something about a speech by the best man?”

I forgot I was supposed to make a speech. I have no idea what I’d say. My mind’s been on July. It still is.

It takes me a few moments to make words. “Sorry. I just needed to be alone.”

Rafi stands over me. “Do you still need to be alone?”

I shake my head and hold out my hand and pull Rafi down beside me. He wraps his arm around my shoulders as I start to cry. “I miss her so much.”

My tears are loud and ugly, and I bury my face in Rafi’s chest. The jags come in waves, and I don’t try to stop them. When the space between them grows wide enough, Rafi pulls me tighter and says, “You could tell me about her.”