The Cheerleaders(62)

That was Friday. It was Sunday evening now, and Jen was staring into her closet. The only black dress she owned was the one she’d worn to her cousin’s wedding over the summer. Could she wear the same dress to both services? Would anyone notice?

Jen didn’t know what the etiquette was because no one she had ever known had died. She considered it strange that in fifteen years, she hadn’t experienced death. She’d almost started thinking that tragedy couldn’t touch her. And then Bethany and Colleen happened.

Allie canceled cheer practice for the week and Bethany’s memorial happened first.

Mr. Steiger was Jewish and Mrs. Steiger was Catholic, and Bethany had been raised with neither religion. Her family had chosen to have a memorial service at the funeral parlor instead of a traditional wake and funeral.

Since Petey and Monica had both gotten strep throat over the weekend, Mrs. Berry had called Jen’s mother the night before, offering to drive Jen to Bethany’s memorial service.

Jen couldn’t bear the thought of telling her that she and Susan weren’t speaking to each other, so she’d made an excuse about how she and Juliana had to do a project together; she’d take the bus home from school with Jules and get a ride to the service with Juliana and her neighbor, an older girl on the squad.

For her part, Jules played along, even though she made it clear how she felt about being in the middle of Susan and Jen’s fight. They barely spoke on the bus ride to Juliana’s house; the shock and horror at Bethany’s and Colleen’s deaths hung over them, but in a way, it felt like they were grieving Susan’s absence too.

Now Jen sat on the edge of Juliana’s bed, tugging on a pair of stockings her mother had bought at the drugstore that morning. Jules was cross-legged on the center of her bed, jewelry box in her lap, picking through its contents. Her big brown eyes were tinged with red. She had been crying a lot the last few days—much more than the other cheerleaders, even though Susan and Jen were closer to Colleen and Bethany than Jules was.

Juliana held up a pair of gold stud earrings in the shape of bows. “Is it inappropriate to wear jewelry to a wake?”

“No,” Jen said. “It’s not a wake anyway.”

“I’ve never been to one of these things.” Jules put the earrings back and looked at Jen. “I need you to do something for me tonight.”

Something slithered in Jen’s stomach. “What?”

“Will you talk to Suz? For me?”

Jen picked a pill of fuzz off her stockings. “I don’t think tonight is the appropriate time.”

“Why? All of this just proves life is short,” Juliana said. “What if something happened to her while you guys are fighting? How would you feel?”

Juliana stopped pawing through her jewelry box, settling on a golden cross. She draped the chain around her neck. Fumbled a bit with the clasp before lifting her eyes to meet Jen’s. “Help?”

Jen crawled over and fastened the chain behind Juliana’s neck.

“You know it’s all bullshit, right? The stuff about me and Ethan?”

Jules’s shoulders tensed at his name. She was silent a few moments. Just as Jen was about to explode, Juliana spoke. “I know you’d never want to hurt any of us.”

Jen’s heart dropped. It wasn’t good enough. “The other stuff, though. About me and him—it’s not true.”

Juliana shifted so she was facing Jen. “I know. But, like, you have to see it from Suz’s point of view. Being on someone’s hit list is pretty freaking scary, Jen.”

“I know,” Jen said, but of course she didn’t. How would she? She wasn’t on it. “It was still shitty she didn’t ask me about what she saw at his locker before she went to Heinz.”

Juliana’s eyes moved to the cross at her throat. She fingered the chain. “What did you put in Ethan’s locker?”

“Nothing.” Jen flushed. “It was nothing. The issue is that she assumed the worst without even asking me.”

“Maybe she felt like she couldn’t ask you.”

“Did she say that?”

Juliana wasn’t looking at Jen. “I noticed it too. You’re just not the same.”

“The same as what?”

“I don’t know how to describe it.”

“Can you just try?” Jen asked.

“The old you would have told me the truth when I asked what you put in Ethan McCready’s locker.”

A knock at the door; Mrs. Ruiz popped her head in and asked if they were ready to go.



* * *



—

Jen didn’t have to seek out Susan at the memorial service. Before it started, while Jen was waiting in her chair, Susan sat down next to her. Across the room, where Jules was speaking with Bethany’s parents, Jen caught her sneaking a glance at them. She wondered if Juliana had spoken to Susan too.

“I don’t like this,” Susan said to Jen.

“Me neither.”

Jen heard Susan suck in a breath. Then, gently, she rested her head on Jen’s shoulder. Susan was rarely affectionate.

“I’m sorry,” she said.

“Me too.” A messy, mascara-stained tear dripped from Jen’s face, onto the front of Susan’s dress, but she didn’t say anything, or seem to mind at all.