The Blood Spell (Ravenspire, #4)(60)

“Kellan—”

“I know!” He broke away from her to prowl the room again. “I’m an idiot. How many times have you called me that? This time, you’d be right.”

“I was right plenty of times in the past as well.” She turned slowly to follow his progress, her heart racing, her body aching with longing to touch him again. “But this is different.”

“This is . . .” He turned to face her, his eyes wild as he gestured like he couldn’t find the right word.

“Impossible,” she said, because it was true. It would always be true. But somehow that didn’t change the way she wanted to trace his shoulders with her hands or spin with him on the dance floor or whisper her secrets in his ear, trusting that he’d be the rock she needed him to be.

“I don’t even know how this happened.” His words sounded like an accusation, and she gave him a stern look.

“Don’t look at me. You’re the one who was kind at Papa’s funeral.”

“You’re the one who gave me the freedom to be myself.”

“Well, you’re the one who cared enough to dance with me.”

“Well, you’re the one who makes me want to come to the shop each day with Nessa just to see if I can make you laugh.” He pointed at her as if the argument had been handily won, and she stalked toward him.

“Nobody asked you to always see when I need a friend.” She raised a finger of her own and began ticking off her list. “Nobody told you to show me that you’re a natural leader or that you’re generous and protective. And certainly, nobody said you should drop your shallow, flirtatious ways around me and make me fall for you.”

The words left her mouth before she’d realized what she was going to say, and her eyes widened as Kellan slowly dropped his arm and stared at her.

“Not that I’m falling for you,” she said quickly, but her voice, unsteady and entirely unconvincing, betrayed her.

“Blue.” He breathed her name like it was hope and pain and joy all at once.

In three steps he was in front of her, his arms lifted in a clear invitation. She could walk into them and give her heart a taste of what it wanted, knowing it would break her later. Or she could walk away, her heart disappointed for now, but still whole for when he announced his betrothal to another girl.

Her heart ached as she slowly stepped back.

His arms fell to his sides. “You’ve always been the one to keep me in line.”

“I don’t want to keep you in line.” She took another step back before her resolve crumbled. “But you can’t belong to me like this. And I don’t want to sacrifice what we already have. I love our friendship, Kellan. I don’t want to lose it.”

He smiled, though his eyes were sad. “I don’t either.”

Silence once more fell between them, and this time it was Blue who turned to restlessly prowl the room. She put the potion books away. Checked her inventory for morning deliveries. And then opened the pressurized pot that had cooled beside the stove. The nugget of metal had turned a rosy pink.

She sighed as she dumped it onto the counter. The new mineral she’d tried had taken her results even further from actual gold. She needed to figure out how to get back to the first almost-gold result and then improve on that.

A thought scratched at the back of her mind while she tidied up, and she stared at her tools while she struggled to pinpoint what was bothering her.

The first time she’d offered to experiment with making gold for Dinah, she’d produced a rock that was milky white. But tonight, Dinah had complained that Blue hadn’t improved on the first golden rock she’d made.

Her breath quickened. She hadn’t made a truly golden rock since the almost-gold experiment that had been stolen. Perhaps Dinah was simply referring to what she’d seen at Maurice’s stall so many weeks ago.

Or perhaps Dinah’s avid interest in the shop and her lack of surprise when Blue offered to try turning lead into gold meant something much, much worse.

“Blue?” Kellan was beside her, his hands on her shoulders. “Are you all right?”

“I need to get back to the farmhouse.” She turned toward the door.

“I’ll walk with you, but . . . Wait a minute.” He rushed to her side as she whipped open the back door. “What’s the matter? Is it me? Did I . . . I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said anything. I shouldn’t have—”

“It isn’t you.” She turned and nearly bumped into his chest. He caught her arms to steady her, and she laid her palms against his chest.

“Then what is it?” he asked softly.

For a moment, she drew on the silent comfort of his presence while she sorted through her thoughts. Did she really believe the head of the Chauveau family had broken into her shop and stolen the first nearly successful experiment? How would that have benefited her?

Unless.

Unless she’d had Papa killed so that she could use her guardianship papers to take over Blue and the shop.

It was a sickening thought, but it was also a string of unlikely coincidences. It was strange that the head of the Chauveau family had bothered to travel to an alchemy shop in a different quarter to ask if they’d filed a complaint with their magistrate about someone paying them with false gold. Stranger still to have someone break into the shop shortly thereafter and steal the failed experiment while leaving so many other valuables behind. If Dinah had been the thief, then it was awfully convenient for Papa to be killed and for her to happen to have guardianship over the one girl who might have the solution to her financial crisis.