The Black Coats(62)

Mirabelle looked at her for a long moment. “Do you want me to read it, maybe tell you what it says? Will that make it easier?”

Thea pulled the file close to her chest. “No. That’s kind of you to offer, but I think this is something I need to read by myself.” Or with Drew, she thought. “What you can do is drive. And fast.”

Mirabelle shrugged. “Fine, you can tell me about it tomorrow, on our way to our Balancing.”

Thea’s head jerked up. “What?”

Mirabelle held up her phone. “Yeah. I got a phone call from Kennedy when you were inside. We have a Balancing tomorrow evening. Code Evening.” She gave a delighted shiver. “I’m already excited.”

Thea sat still, the file burning her fingertips. As they sped home, she watched the glowing lights of Mademoiselle Corday flickering like fireflies through the trees. One flutter, two flutters, and then they were gone.





Twenty-Three


Mirabelle waved from her car as Thea locked her front door behind her. She would get her car later. She turned at her mom’s voice. “Thea. I was just reading in the kitchen. Come have some cookies with me.”

Cookies. Something so normal sounded so wonderful and comforting right now. “Thanks, that sounds good. I probably can’t sit and chat, though. I have a ton of homework tonight. Finals.”

“Hmm.” Her mom took a long look at Thea.

“What’s wrong?”

Her mom shook her head. “Oh, honey, you forgot, didn’t you?”

Thea blinked, combing her mind for something she was supposed to do, some event she had planned with her parents. She shook her head. “I’m drawing a blank.”

Her mom put her mug down with a frown. “Thea, tomorrow is Natalie’s birthday.”

Later, she thought about the strange sensation of your heart failing, the unique pain of forgetting someone who wasn’t in the world anymore. Natalie’s birthday. She gasped as her mother reached for her hand. “Oh my God. How did I . . .” She covered her mouth. “I’m a terrible cousin.”

Her mom shook her head. “No, you aren’t, honey. You’re moving on. Your constant suffering will not bring her back.”

Thea entwined her hand with her mother’s, noting how similar their hands were. The same long brown fingers, the same round fingernails. She choked back a sob. “I’m still sorry. Her birthday. How could I have forgotten?”

“You’ve been busy. It’s okay. You have permission to live your life, Thea. Grief is the last bit of love we can give to the one we lost. It doesn’t always have to feel sad.” Her mother stood, kissing her once on the forehead with a sigh. “Take some cookies and do your homework, honey. We can talk about this tomorrow.”

Bitter tears blurred Thea’s vision as she stood and headed back to the foyer. She clutched the file with one hand before sprinting up the stairs, her heart churning angrily. She was mad at Drew, mad at Nixon, mad at Natalie for being gone. Why did you have to get yourself killed?

Maybe it was anger that propelled her to text Drew, or maybe it was the fact that it was Natalie’s birthday tomorrow and she needed to tell someone about it. Either way, Thea couldn’t pick up her phone fast enough.

Are you up? I need to talk to you about something. Can you meet me at my house, twenty minutes?

I’ll be there.

The coolness of his words stung.

Thea put down the phone and stared at the black file on her bed. She wanted Drew to be with her when she opened it. She wanted to see his face when she did. If his dad was guilty in any way, Drew should know about it. No more secrets. As she glanced in the mirror, her own hazel eyes flashed back with defiance. Drew’s not the one keeping secrets, Thea. With a grimace she took a closer look at her face, deciding that a quick touch-up wouldn’t be the worst idea; her mascara had made dark circles under her eyes, and her hair was in desperate need of moisture. Even if her relationship with Drew was about to shatter, somewhere inside of her she still wanted him to want her. A breeze whispered through her window as she tucked her curls back into a low twist. You want him, too.

When he pulled up in front of her house, Thea let him in the front door. “Follow me,” she said emotionlessly. They headed straight into the backyard, not a word passing between them. He followed Thea away from the house, toward the corner of her yard where her dad had spent much of the fall. Texas wildflowers had been planted around the bench that he had made with his own hands, a bench carved with Natalie’s name. It had been her dad’s own form of grieving. How right, she thought, that they would be out here tonight, the night before her cousin should be celebrating her birthday.

Two large oak trees arched overhead, their spindly branches blotting out the moon. Drew sat on the bench and reached his hand out to her. Thea shook her head. “I can’t.”

“Is this it then, Thea? Because I’ll be honest, I can’t be with someone who treats me as though I’m her favorite toy one day and then totally disposable the next. In fact, I would say that I can’t be with someone who has only a fleeting interest in our relationship.” He ran a hand through his hair. “I feel like your heart has borders that I’m not allowed to pass through, like I need some sort of secret passport—”

Thea interrupted him. “What does your dad do?”