The Art of Losing(79)

I ordered two iced coffees and a few pastries from Samir, who seemed to have warmed up to me and accepted that I was a decent barista. That didn’t mean he let me have them for free, though. I got a 20 percent discount and any leftover pastries at the end of the night when I was working. It was better than nothing.

As I was backing out the door with my mind focused on not spilling the coffees, the door suddenly swung open and I nearly fell over. Strong hands on my back kept me upright and I turned to see who they belonged to.

“Oh, hi!” I said to Ryan. He released me, and I set the coffees down on the wrought-iron table next to the door.

“Hey!” he said. “I was hoping you were working today. I guess not, huh?”

“No, not until this afternoon. I just came by for some discounted caffeine.”

Ryan gestured to the guy who was standing behind him. “Do you know Jason?”

I tried not to look guilty as I waved at Jason Raymond, my sister’s freshman-year crush.

“Not really, no, but Audrey’s always said good things about you,” I told him.

Jason blushed. “How is she?” he asked.

“She’s better,” I said. “Her memory of the last year is still spotty and she may never remember the accident, but she’s getting stronger and she’s talking pretty well now. She’s surprising us all by how quickly she’s improving.”

In the summer light, Jason looked younger than his seventeen years. I could see what Audrey saw in him. He was pretty cute. And I could read in his eyes the concern he had for her. I suddenly regretted getting between them.

“She should be coming home in a couple of weeks,” I said. “You guys should stop by to see her.”

Jason’s face lit up. “We will,” he said.

Ryan looked at him and then back at me, a question clearly sitting on his lips, but he just raised an eyebrow at me. I shrugged.

“Go ahead in,” Ryan said to Jason. “I’ll be right there.”

Once Jason was gone, Ryan sat at the table and I sat next to him.

“I thought you didn’t want Audrey to go out with him,” he said. He and Jason were on the same Ultimate Frisbee team, so he’d been my main source of information when Jason and Audrey were flirting. He’d chastised me, saying that Jason wasn’t actually stupid; he just had ADHD and learning disabilities. But I’d thought Audrey deserved someone better, smarter, who her friends wouldn’t make fun of.

I was wrong. What I’d been telling her, I realized, was that she wasn’t good enough. She and Jason shared those difficulties, so every time I implied he was stupid it also meant so was she.

So even though I felt like crying, I shrugged. “I’ve changed my mind. If Jason will make her happy, then I want them to have a chance. Without my interference.”

Ryan smiled. “I’m glad you’re still willing to do something nice for Audrey. I was worried about how things would be between you guys now.”

I tried to keep my tone light when I said, “Ry, how much did you know? About Mike’s . . . dalliances?”

His dark complexion hid any blush, but he looked away and I had my answer.

“Did you know about Audrey, too?”

Ryan nodded. “Yeah, he told me. After the accident.”

“Do you . . . um, do you think he planned to hook up with her?” I said quietly.

He shook his head vigorously. “No! He never would have planned that. He just liked the attention she gave him. The more girls wanted him, the more he liked himself.”

I knew that, but the rationale didn’t make me feel better.

“After he cheated on you with Sofia, I told him you deserved better,” Ryan said. “And even though he knew that—he really did—he just wasn’t good enough for you. He was never going to be good enough for you.”

I reached out to Ryan and wrapped my arms around him. He stiffened with surprise. We weren’t the type of friends who hugged.

“Thank you,” I said. I meant it. He said all the things I needed to hear, even though none of them changed anything.

“So, did you go to the party?” I asked as I pulled away from him.

Ryan’s expression hardened. “Yes,” he said. “Mike was wasted.”

I shook my head. “How?”

“Does it matter?” he asked. “His mom was so mad. But she won’t do anything about it. She never has. I think his being in rehab was harder on her than on him.”

I nodded. “Yeah, that sounds about right. But remember, Ry, he’s not your responsibility.”

He tilted his head. “I like this new version of you,” he said.

“Me too,” I said. I couldn’t help smiling. “It was good to see you. Let’s hang out soon.”

Ryan stood and I followed suit. “It was good to see you, too,” he said. “I’ll come by with Jason when Audrey’s home, but call me before then. Connie misses you, too.”

Connie and I were friends mainly due to proximity, like Ryan and I had been, but I liked her. She was the editor of the literary magazine and had bugged me to join last year. Maybe this year I finally would. Mom would love that. Cassidy and Raf, too.

I said goodbye to Ryan and headed for my car, but I was distracted by a text from Raf.

So . . . does this mean I can change my relationship status on Facebook? he wrote. My lips tilted into a smile as my stomach announced its approval by doing a backflip. I bet he wasn’t even on Facebook, but I liked that what he was really asking was, “Can I call you my girlfriend?”