Slayer(95)

I hold her gaze, drinking in her words: You were right. But is she manipulating me? How can I trust anything? “Tell me what happened to the others, then. What killed Cosmina and Bradford? What attacked Cillian? Because you and Doug are the common threads.”

Anger flashes across her face, quickly swept away by something that looks like . . . hurt? “You think I would harm your friend Cillian? Bradford? That poor lost girl Cosmina? Why would I do that?”

“Because you hate Slayers!”

She reels back like I’ve slapped her. “I don’t hate Slayers.”

“Of course you do. Buffy got Dad killed. Your mother was a Slayer, and she left you alone. And you did everything in your power to keep me from being a Slayer. You don’t want me to be one.”

“Why would I ever want that for you?” She reaches out her hand as though she would take mine in hers. But I pull my hand back and grip my stake, afraid to let her. If I do, I might break. I might accept whatever she gives me because of how badly I want to. Her hand hovers, alone.

“Your father didn’t want to take the assignment with Buffy. I told him to. Because she was so young. Just a girl. I knew someday that could be you, and I would want the very best Watcher to take care of you. To protect you.” She breaks off, swallowing.

I open my mouth to reply, to tell her she could have protected me by preparing me. But my mother holds up her hand.

“Wait, I have to say this. You have to know. I don’t hate Buffy. I never did. And I’m sorry if you thought that your being a Slayer made me hate you. I’m sorry I never learned how to talk to you. Motherhood was not a skill the Watchers prioritized. I tried. I tried so hard.” Her voice cracks, and for a moment dream mom, the snickerdoodle mom, almost comes through. But then her voice hardens again. “When it became clear I couldn’t keep you safe, I did the same thing my own mother did. I gave you to the Watchers. I tried to keep you shielded, keep you sheltered.” A pause. “I’m sorry. It was the wrong choice. For both you and Artemis.” She stands. She seems stronger already.

“And the fire? At our house?” I ask, campfire smoke making my eyes water and my throat tighten. “Why did you leave me behind?” That question has never been asked, but now that it’s out there, a charge passes between us.

There’s a smile sadder than any tears on her face. “You were a Potential. I knew you could survive longer. The magic wasn’t powerful enough for me to shield more than one of you at a time. I took Artemis first because it was the only way to save you both.”

Her words hit me like an anvil to the chest.

I was the strong one. That was why she left me behind. Not because she hated me or because she loved Artemis more. Because it was the only way for Artemis to live. I never knew it, she never knew it, but I was protecting her.

“You should have told us,” I whisper.

“I couldn’t. Not without telling you why you were stronger. I’m sorry, I’m so sorry you thought—but it doesn’t matter now. I have to go, because I can’t stay here and let another innocent be destroyed on my watch. I’ve done too much of that in my lifetime.” She turns and hurries into the darkness. I wait, stunned, until I hear an engine start up far in the distance. The roar slowly fades away.

And then she’s gone.

? ? ?

The walk back to the castle is far longer this time. Everything I thought I knew has once again evaporated. Would a woman who risks her life to go save a demon from torture and captivity do anything that would threaten a castle full of people she cares about?

Who is my mother?

Artemis will be waiting inside with Eve. I want to tell Artemis it wasn’t her fault that Mom picked her first. She doesn’t have to feel guilty anymore, ever. I don’t want to tell her that Honora attacked our mom and took Doug. Or maybe I do. I can’t decide which.

However, Honora and Sean’s presence in the forest is deeply suspect. It places them here around when Cillian was being attacked. Sean had a vendetta against Cosmina, and she died. Cillian kept Doug hidden from Sean, and he was attacked. Maybe Sean thought Bradford was the one who was trying to help Doug. And Bradford died the morning Honora came back.

Artemis isn’t going to like it, but we have to look into it. With all the demons Sean has at his disposal, surely a succubus type isn’t out of the question. I promised Rhys I’d research, but a trip to Dublin is a better strategy. This time I won’t leave without answers.

Leo is waiting for me on the edge of the castle grounds. His voice is bright against the darkness. “I was looking for you.”

“Oh gods, I have so much to fill you in on.”

Leo takes my elbow, spinning me back toward the forest and the path to Shancoom. “Great! We’re going this way.” He carries me along like a leaf caught in a current, his fingers a gentle guiding pressure.

“Is your mom already out here looking for mine? Because I was wrong. About everything. We need to get to Dublin.”

“There’s a lot we need to talk about. This way.”

“No, I need a car.”

He tugs my elbow, then stops when I don’t respond. “Athena. It will keep. The world isn’t going to end. Let’s just walk for a bit. Please?”

The predawn sky is slowly bruising with the promise of the sun. I can’t quite make out Leo’s expression, but his voice sounds strained. My phone buzzes with a text from Cillian. “Weird,” I say, shoving my cell back in my pocket.