She Loves Me, She Loves Me Not(14)
“When I was twelve, she died, and I got put into the system. I lived there for a year, and then someone who knew April and Brad sent them my way. I was lucky enough to end up with them. That’s what the rest of these pictures are.”
Gage flips through the book, a small smile forming on his face when he gets to one of me with the kids at Halloween last year. I’m Jasmine, Gia is Rapunzel, and Macy is Sofia the First. The boys went rogue and donned Ninja costumes.
April has done her best, taking pictures and giving me memories, but both Gage and I are aware that the first thirteen years of my life, that background, is nothing anyone would want a photo of, even if there were any to show.
When he finishes looking at it, he closes the book. I can see the uncertainty all over him, and I hate it. Hate that he isn’t being the pushy, all-up-in-my-business Gage right now, but the quiet, reserved boy I have never met before.
“Don’t feel sorry for me.” The words snap out of my mouth. Gage raises an eyebrow at me, and there’s a small smirk on his lips. The cramping in my stomach eases slightly.
“Being sorry for you is not the same thing as feeling sorry for you, Kenny.”
I stare at him, and he stares back, and then—finally—I breathe, because he’s right. If someone told me the story I just told him, I would be sorry they had to go through it. “The only other person who knows is Cam.” I don’t add, please don’t tell anyone, but I want to.
He nods, understanding all over his face. And then he reaches over and slides his hand against mine until our palms are pressed together and our fingers are linked. “I like your family, Kenny.” He pauses, swallowing hard. I stare at our hands, memorizing the shape and feel of his much larger one in my own, the way it feels safe and warm. “I like you,” he says, and my eyes go to his.
And, just like that, I realize I like him, too.
Chapter 12
Week 3, Part 2: Falling all the Way
Gage
I now eat lunch with Kenny and Cam every day.
It started that first week. I mostly came over to annoy her because it amused me how embarrassed and irate she would get at my mere presence. But, now, after spending almost three weeks getting to know her, it’s strictly because I feel the need to see her. And she doesn’t wince in horror every time one of my teammates or friends comes over to the table and says hi or sits with us, so that’s a bonus.
We only have one class together, every other day. That’s not enough for me. At first, she was this challenge, someone who had seen me and made a snap judgment, someone I wanted to prove wrong. The more I got to know her, the more I realized I liked spending time with her and pushing her out of her comfort zone. And, then, Tuesday happened.
When she introduced me to her family—when she trusted me with her story… something shifted. There’s this need inside of me, a desire that has my heart beating fast when I’m near her, and my stomach twisting in knots when I’m not. Getting to know Kenny is like sitting crouched behind home, watching the runner swing around third, knowing he’s coming straight for me.
It’s going to hurt like hell when he hits me, but if I can hold onto the ball long enough for the out, the pain will be worth it. If I can hold onto Kenny, these feelings of uncertainty and longing will be worth it.
“Hey, you’re not a vegetarian, are you?”
Kenny looks up from the textbook in front of her—seriously, even at lunch she has a book open to study—and crinkles her brow. “No. Why?”
“Mom’s making lasagna—she just texted me to make sure she didn’t need to make a small one without meat for you.” Kenny’s hesitation tells me she’s thinking of how to back out of tonight. After Tuesday, she’s been quieter, not so sassy. But, she’s also been trying to say less in general. I’m not really into letting that happen.
I reach over and grab her hand, ignoring the sound of Cam’s phone clattering when it hits the table. “You’re coming to practice, and then you’re coming home with me to meet the family. Mom is all ready to tell embarrassing stories and get out the baby pics.”
She stares at our hands, sliding hers out from under mine, when someone yells my name. I want to snatch hers back, but I don’t. Instead, I settle for swinging my leg over the bench so I’m straddling it, which lets me face her fully.
“Come home with me, Kenny. Have dinner with my family.”
She doesn’t answer right away, and I hold my breath. It’s crazy how much her next words matter. Finally, she nods, a quick punctuation mark before she turns back to her textbook. “I’m not wearing your jersey at dinner, though. I draw the line at fawning over you around your parents, bet or no bet.”
My breath eases out, but I play it cool and pick my sandwich up again. “After seeing a few of my baby pictures, you’ll be singing a different tune.”
+ + +
“Is that your girlfriend?”
Kenny and I have just walked through the door, and my younger sister, Joss, is at the foot of the stairs. I smack the brim of her ball cap, so it snugs over her eyes.
“Kenny, this is Joss, the youngest Christensen with the least amount of manners.”
Joss glares at me, and then heaves a sigh when Kenny holds out her hand. Swiping hers on her dirt streaked softball pants, Joss slaps her palm into Kenny’s and shakes brusquely. “Are you in high school?”