See You at Harry's(46)

My dad just stands there, as if he doesn’t even know how he ended up where he is.

This is the time in the conversation when Charlie should be piping up with some random comment to break the tension. It’s quiet, as if we’re still waiting for him. It’s strangling us.

“I give up,” my dad finally says. “I just give up.” He storms upstairs.

My mom drinks the rest of her wine and goes after him.

“That went well,” Sara says sarcastically.

“I’ve never seen Dad like that,” I say.

“He’ll come around. He’s just drunk. I think he was really worried when Holden was late — that’s all. He just freaked out. It’s normal to worry more after everything that’s happened. He’ll be fine once he gets used to the idea of Holden and Gray.”

“You really think so?”

She shrugs. “Yeah. I do. He’s just crazy right now. I mean, he’s always a little crazy, but —”

“But not mean. Not like tonight.”

“Don’t worry, Fern. Mom’ll talk to him.”

“What about Holden?”

“Holden knows how to take care of himself. He always has. And thank God his secret is finally officially out of the bag. At least now we can all stop pretending.”

She gets up and starts clearing the table, so I do, too.

“Dad’ll come around, Fern,” she says. “I know he will.”

Right. And Mom will get back to normal. And everything is going to be fine. All will be well. Maybe we can stop pretending about Holden. But what about everyone else?





ALL THAT WEEK, Holden and my dad avoid each other. After school, Gray picks up Holden, me, and now Cassie and Ran, and we go to the restaurant to do our homework. Mona brings us snacks, and we make our own sundaes. Then they leave. Somehow, this gets me through the week. But every day away from that day makes me feel more lost and away from Charlie. So the first thing I do when I get home is go to my room, shut the door, and listen to his voice.

The following Monday, Sara’s back on car duty. On our way to school, Holden turns around toward me and grins. “So, Fern, did Ran ask you to Homecoming yet?”

I feel myself blush. “No. We’re just friends. Plus I’m not going.”

“Why not?”

“I don’t feel like having fun.”

“Oh, come on, Fern. It would be good for you,” Sara says.

“It totally would,” Holden says. “And Ran is so cute.”

“We’re just friends.”

“Then go as friends!” Holden says.

I picture me and Ran at the dance. Me in a dress, him in a shirt and tie. We look strange. Ran and I belong in T-shirts and jeans.

“Isn’t anyone going to ask who I’m going with?” Holden asks. He’s smiling like a goofball. He looks like he did that night he came home just before my dad went psycho.

“Seriously?” Sara asks.

“Yup. I told Gray about it last night, and he said yes.”

“Wow,” I say.

“We’re going shopping for tuxes after school. Want to come with us, Fern?”

“You’d want me there?”

“Yeah! It’ll be great! Gray will take us after school. We could totally use a girl’s opinion.”

I eye him carefully. Does he really want to go there with Gray? As a couple? What if the Things see them? Well, I guess if they’re at Homecoming, they’ll see them anyway. You’re brave, I think. You’re really brave. But out loud I just say, “OK.”

Sara clears her throat, and Holden stops smiling. “What?”

“Are you going to tell Dad?”

Holden sighs. “Eventually. Let me enjoy a few stress-free days, all right? Jeez.”

“Hey, I’m happy for you! I just want you to be realistic about this. You do remember Dad’s little freak-out, right?”

“He’ll come around.”

“I know, but this might be a bit too much too soon for him.”

“Too bad. This is how it is.” Holden turns away and stares out the window.

“Hey, I didn’t mean to bum you out. You’re right. It’ll be fine.”

But she doesn’t sound very convincing.

I lean back in my seat and feel the emptiness beside me. For five minutes, it felt like we were our regular family again. I put my hand on the seat where Charlie should be and close my eyes. I try to feel something. I’m not sure what. Just . . . Charlie. I think about the poem the minister read at the funeral. When all that’s left of me is love, give me away. And I wonder how he could believe that makes any sense. All I want to do is hold on. I press my hand down on the seat and try again to feel some trace of him. Some light tingle that says, I’m here. But before I know it, the car stops and we’re at the drop-off lane and it’s time to get out.

After school, I meet Holden and Gray out front, and we head to Manny’s Tails. The store is crowded with circular racks of black and gray fabric. Holden is practically bouncing, he’s so excited. Gray is calm and cool, as usual. Maybe even more than usual.

Before we can start exploring, a tiny man in a dark suit comes up to us. “Hello, folks.” He eyes each of us up and down. “How can I help you today?”