SHOUT(31)
At the end of his life, my father’s mind frayed at the edges
sometimes the ghosts appeared to be real, as the veil between the worlds grew thin.
His heart was tired, too.
When a cardiologist suggested a pacemaker Daddy asked if it would clear the fog from his brain,
erase the hallucinations, and tame the monsters busy throwing off their chains, opening the army trunks
where the real horrors were buried the doctor said possibly, but probably not My father stood and said, “I will not live without my mind,”
then shook the doctor’s hand and told me it was time to go home.
beeched
Beech forests dance
so slowly, only the wind can see their grace
patterns slow-gliding
synchronized swans
on a still, dark lake
of dirt
Most trees take care of each other and the beeches are no exception.
Underground tendrils secretly feed the girl rooted in the sterile glacial till, old ones lean to the side so the boy burned by lightning gets more sun than his brothers.
Survival of the fittest is a recipe for loneliness, the beeches susurrate
if you know how to listen, guaranteeing a nasty life, brutish and short. When one suffers,
all are weakened,
but when everyone thrives, we dance.
say my name
Halse rhymes with faults assaults, vaults halts close to scalds and haunts
then salts confusion for the unwary cuz no one can pronounce it ’cept kin
Names have roots deep like family trees in graveyards tapping endless wells guarded by Norns, wyrd sisters word sisters charged with our fates Old English roots of Halse
are tangled in gehálsian a verb that means “to implore or invoke the gods; to speak,”
in Danish, hals means “throat”
William Chalker Halse fled England in 1798
to Nova Scotia, where he married a girl named Sarah her last name
was
. . . . wait for it . . . .
Story
Sarah Story
if I put that in a novel, my editor would make me cut it out as too ridiculous to be true but it is
Halse rhymes with waltz watch me dance
and don’t forget it
reminder
the wings of angels connect to their backbones just behind
their steadfast hearts tree trunks connect sun-breathing leaves chlorphylling with life to their roots, muddy-dark the spines of books connect page to page
writer to reader teacher to student page to page
past to future
pain to power
page to page
rage to peace
this note about anatomy from me
to you is for the remembering that after you speak after you shout your open mouth will breathe in the light for which you’ve hungered and your backbone will unfurl until you can again dance to the beat
of your steadfast heart
POSTLUDE: my why
stories entertain
engage, outrage
uplift, help us
overcome
our troubles
writing rage-poems by the sea pen, hands, claws stained with ink until the bottle runs dry and then I write in blood, spit, and fire lantern’s light in the mirror scattering the dark stories activate, motivate, celebrate, cerebrate, snare our fates
and share our great incarnations of hope thanks for listening.
Resources for Readers
SEXUAL VIOLENCE
RAINN: RAINN (Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network) is the largest anti–sexual violence organization in the United States of America. In partnership with more than 1,000 local sexual assault service providers, it operates the National Sexual Assault Holtine: 800-656-HOPE (4673), online.rainn.org. En espa?ol, rainn.org/es.
END RAPE ON CAMPUS: End Rape on Campus works to end campus sexual violence by supporting survivors, education, and policy reform. endrapeoncampus.org.
FORGE: FORGE is a national transgender anti-violence organization. They help transgender, gender nonconforming, and gender nonbinary survivors of sexual assault. forge-forward.org.
IGNITE: IGNITE Supports survivors of sexual violence and domestic violence who are Deaf, DeafBlind, or Hard of Hearing. deafignite.org.
1IN6: 1IN6 supports male victims of unwanted sexual experiences, sexual abuse, and sexual violence. 1in6.org.
NATIONAL SEXUAL VIOLENCE RESOURCE CENTER: A national information and resource organization that works with the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention to collect and share resources with people and organizations working to understand and eliminate sexual violence. nsvrc.org.
MENTAL HEALTH
TO WRITE LOVE ON HER ARMS: To Write Love on Her Arms works to help people who are struggling with depression, addiction, self-injury, and suicide find help and hope. twloha.com.
SUICIDE PREVENTION LIFELINE: National network of crisis centers that offer free emotional support 24/7, including specific resources for kids, LGBTQ+ people, Native Americans, Deaf and Hard of Hearing people, loss survivors, attempt survivors, disaster survivors, and veterans. suicidepreventionlifeline.org. 800-273-TALK (8255)
THE TREVOR PROJECT: Crisis intervention and suicide prevention for LGBTQ+ youth, offering a hotline (phone, text, and online chat), and educational resources for family and allies. thetrevorproject.org.