Riding With Brighton(49)
“God, I’m never gonna fall in love. Is that really what it’s like because, if so, where the hell am I gonna find that?” Nico says.
“It’s kind of like that,” Molly agrees bitterly.
“You’re totally gonna find it,” Shaw tells him.
I hear them, but I’m staring at Brighton. His eyes specifically because they look all dreamy and happy and sexy. “The reason I didn’t tell you anything was because you scared me,” he whispers, reaching up to drag his fingers down my neck before dropping his hand and pressing his fingers against mine. “That class was the best hour of my day because I liked talking to you, but mostly I just liked watching you. You’re fascinating to watch, Jay.”
My face tells him that’s doubtful.
“Seriously. You have an expressive face.”
“Ugh, gag me,” Molly complains.
“Shh,” Shaw tells her.
Brighton and I just stare at each other.
“Your half smile means you’re pissed that I made you smile because you really don’t want to. Your closed mouth smile means you’re not sure how you feel about what I just said. My favorite is the one where you lean your mouth into your hand because it means I made you smile really big and you’re trying to cover it up. You chew on your Bics when you’re trying to hold back words or laughter. You run your hands over the nape of your neck when you’re thinking. You run them through your hair when you’re stressed. And if you drag them over your face, it means you’re on the brink of a breakdown. You grab on to the edge of your desk or fling your leg out into the aisle because I did or said something that, I hoped, made you want to touch me. When you really want to touch me, you lean as far away from me as possible and cross your arms over your chest. At least that’s what I let myself believe sometimes. Your eyes get all crinkly when I annoy you, your eyebrows pinch together when I offend you, and you full-on cock your head back if you’re really pissed at me. Sometimes you even throw things at me.”
“Dang, those are a lot of expressions,” Nico says and again, I’m reminded that I’m not alone with Brighton.
“I can go on,” Brighton tells him.
“Spare us,” Molly says.
“So you like me?” I ask him.
“I was totally crushing on you—which was scary because, even though it sometimes felt like there was something between us, I never really let myself believe you were anything but straight. That’s why I never told you anything about myself when you would ask. I didn’t want to go there with you because it would mean you were something other than a casual acquaintance, and I was already having enough trouble keeping the denial alive…. But then today happened.”
I smile at him, the really big one, but I don’t cover it up with my hand. “And today you showed me everything.”
He shrugs at me.
“And now you totally love me.”
“Let’s not get carried away,” he says, letting go of my hand so he can pinch my nipple.
“And you can’t keep your hands off me.”
“Are you testing me? Because PDA doesn’t bother me at all. I will totally lay you down on this table in front of all these truckers and….”
“Stop,” Molly practically yells. “Please, shut the hell up. Was that your plan—make us nauseous so we would get you home ASAP?”
For once I’m grateful for her big mouth because, I swear to God, I was ready to lie down on the table all on my own before she yanked me back into reality. I take back my hand, which somehow made it to the top of Brighton’s thigh, and grab the check off the table. “Let’s go,” I tell them, already standing and heading to the cash register.
Chapter Twelve
Brighton
JAY AND I totally made out in the back of Nico’s van, which is something I’ve never done before—made out in a moving vehicle, pretending to be subtle about it so that the other passengers, one of whom has a very large mouth, aren’t offended. It was fun and it felt normal. The biggest handicap of my gay life is that I don’t have that. I’ve never really gotten to experience the whole falling for someone like a normal teenager thing. With Harrison it was always a very mature, grown-up situation. He wouldn’t have ever let me grope him in public.
But, dang, running my hands over Jay’s tight, hard body in the back of a dark van while telling him exactly what I planned on doing with him when I got him home was definitely fun.
Jay managed to knock down every barrier I carefully placed between us in one day. He’s completely amazing. And that little speech he made… “someone I totally get yet manages to surprise me every day….” I mean, come on, you would totally be smashing down all the walls too. He’s sweet and adorable and way more insightful that I ever gave him credit for.
Nico drops us off, and we scramble out of the van mumbling our good-byes. In my head I already have him in my bed, but then Molly calls him back to the van.
He looks at me like he just got called down to the principal’s office. I shrug.
“Shit,” he mutters, leaning forward and nipping my lip before letting go of me and sulking back to the van. I walk to the front door to wait for him. If Molly had wanted me to be part of that conversation, she would have called me over too.