Remember Jamie Baker (Jamie Baker #3)(5)

“It’s been six months,” I said. “I can’t live like this anymore.”

Tony’s face fell, and he collapsed onto the couch. “I’m doing the best that I can, April. I just want us to be safe. You don’t remember what it was like being a prisoner of Visticorp, but I do. If they found you, they would…I can’t let them have you. I love you too much.”

“I’m sorry.” I joined him on the couch, my heart pounding with guilt. “You know I’m grateful for everything you’ve done for me. And you know I care about you.” I picked up his hand and squeezed it in apology. “You’re my family. But I need more than this life we have.”

Tony met my gaze with a pleading expression, squeezing my hand back tightly. “So let me give you more. Please, April. I could make you happy if you would just give me the chance.”

My guilt quadrupled.

Swallowing hard, I looked down at the ring on my finger and tried not to let the tears burning behind my eyes fall. Tony and I had been engaged before the explosion. I called it off when I couldn’t remember him, but I still tried to make things work between us. He used to be crazy patient with me, but the more time passed without our relationship going back to the way it was before the accident, the more frustrated he got. I couldn’t really blame him, but I couldn’t give him what he wanted, either.

I don’t love Tony the way he loves me. I spent the past six months trying to fall for him because I didn’t want to hurt him, but I just don’t want him that way. I care about him. I kiss him on occasion because I feel guilty for letting him down, and I let him call me his girlfriend, but we’re not really a couple. I’m never going to love him. He’s my friend, my family, but nothing more.

I started twisting the ring as he waited for an answer. I should have taken it off the day of the explosion. Wearing it probably gave Tony false hope, but I just couldn’t let it go. The fact that I had the ring meant that at some point I’d accepted him. At some point I’d wanted to be his wife. I must have loved him. I thought maybe if I got my memories back, my feelings would change. Now that I knew that was never going to happen, the best thing to do was get the inevitable over with.

With a sigh, I slipped the ring off my finger. “Tony, my memories aren’t coming back. All this time I’ve been hoping, but it’s not going to happen, so I think it’s time to stop pretending our relationship has a future.”

Tony’s head snapped up in horror. The panic in his expression twisted my gut. I didn’t want to hurt him like this. After staring at me in shock for a moment, he began furiously shaking his head. “No, April. Don’t say that.”

He took my face in his hands. His voice shook as he said, “I love you so much. You know that, right?”

“I know,” I promised, “but I don’t love you like that.”

He sucked in a breath and continued to argue. “You’ll learn to love me. Just give it more time. Let’s take things to the next level. We can make it work.”

He pressed his lips to mine in a frantic, desperate kiss. He was trying so hard to convince me, trying to send some of his love into me with the kiss. I felt nothing but guilt and sorrow.

I pushed him back as gently as I could. Pain flashed across his face. Jumping to his feet, he backed away from me while fighting an internal battle against panic, fear, and devastation. Seeing his agony made my eyes well up. “I’m sorry, Tony. I tried so hard, but I can’t do this anymore. I can’t keep forcing myself to be with you. Face it…” I held out the ring to him, all of my hope deflated. “Whatever relationship we had is as gone as my memory. It’s not coming back. This relationship is only hurting us both, and I can’t do it anymore.”

Tony glared at the ring in my hand as if he loathed it. “I don’t want that stupid thing. You keep it. I can’t stand to look at it.” He turned his head as though he meant his words literally.

“Okay.” I didn’t know what else to say. I’d just broken his heart.

After I tucked the ring into my pocket, Tony looked at my naked finger and finally accepted that this was happening. He stood and began pacing the room. Once he reached the front door, he whirled around and the lamp sitting on the end table beside the couch went flying, shattering into pieces.

I sighed. Tony likes to use his telekinesis to make his temper tantrums more dramatic. Super annoying. Calling him on it would make me a hypocrite, though, because I do the same thing a lot of the time. I can’t help it. Flickering lights and glowing eyes just make anger look so much cooler.

Actually, I might be a bit of a drama queen, but I haven’t broken down and added that to the list in my notebook yet. Somehow, I don’t think a real drama queen would ever admit that she is one.

I needed some air. When I rose to my feet and headed for the door, Tony stopped me. “Where are you going?”

“For a walk. I think we both need some space for a while.”

Tony’s eyes widened in disbelief, and then he glared at me in a way he never had before. “Why don’t you just leave, then? Go live on your own if you hate living with me so much.”

I took a deep breath. I didn’t want to get mad at him, didn’t want to start a fight. I understood that he was hurting, and I knew it was my fault. “You know I don’t hate you. You’re the only family I have. I don’t want to leave you; I just want us to stop pretending we’re a couple. I want us to be friends.”