Remember Jamie Baker (Jamie Baker #3)(103)
He glanced up at Donovan, who hadn’t left as he’d said he needed to, then smiled softly at me. “Good. And do you think you can forgive me? Do you understand that I made a mistake, and that I feel sorry for hurting you?”
Again, I needed a long time to think about my answer. My emotions were all over the place, and my thoughts so scattered that I was getting a headache as I tried to figure out how I felt about him. Eventually, everything settled into one clear answer. “Yes,” I admitted, albeit with a hefty amount of defeat. “Yes, Teddy, I can forgive you. I know you’re sorry, and I know you won’t ever do something like that to me again. You care about me.”
“That’s right. I care about you. I love you, Jamie.”
I flinched, as if my brain had short-circuited for a brief second. There was something about his declaration that didn’t feel right.
“And you love me, too. Right?”
He prompted me to nod, and I followed his lead almost mindlessly. Of course I loved him. He was my family. I depended on him. Needed him. We were the same. “Of course, Teddy. I—” It was on the tip of my tongue, but I couldn’t say it. Why couldn’t I say it?
Teddy frowned, and after shooting another glance to Donovan, he looked down at my hands. Following his gaze, I realized I’d let go of him and was twisting a ring on my finger. An engagement ring. I sucked in a breath.
“Ryan.” The name fell from my lips like a feather in the wind. That was what was wrong with this moment. I didn’t love Teddy. Cared about him, yes, but I didn’t love him. I shook my head. “You’re my family, Teddy. But I love Ryan.”
Teddy’s entire countenance changed. His hands balled into fists, and he gave me that same hate-filled expression he’d given me when he told me to get out of his house. Ryan was apparently Teddy’s ugly trigger the same way he was Ryan’s. Forget Super Man and Lex Luthor; those guys had nothing on Teddy and Ryan. “Ryan?” he choked out. “You don’t even remember him, and you’re still choosing him over me?”
Derailed by his question, I asked one of my own. “What do you mean, I don’t remember him? Of course I remember him. I’ve got most of my memories back now.”
Teddy scoffed. “You got most of your memories back,” he said. “But not all.”
I really didn’t like the tone in his voice. Just what, exactly, was he getting at?
“Are you sure you remember your stupid boyfriend?”
I immediately threw myself into my memory. I started with my memory of saving the PACs at Visticorp. I could remember going to Las Vegas, remembered saving Carter. I remembered getting the phone call from Teddy, telling me that Carter was in trouble. But anything surrounding that call was a blank. I thought back to my month living in the desert safe house with Teddy. I remembered playing Chelsea’s Angel in order to pass the time. I remembered Donovan’s retrieval team showing up at my house and having to make a quick getaway. Remembered saying good-bye to my parents when I left. I remembered superkissing Teddy to escape the creeps at my dorm. I even remembered fighting Lorenz and breaking his knee. But where had Ryan been in all of that?
I knew from the stories Ryan told me that he’d been shot in that fight, but I couldn’t remember it. I’m sure we must have had a painful good-bye when I left with Teddy, but again, that memory wasn’t there. Ryan had proposed to me at the Grand Canyon the night of the Visticorp explosion, but now that I thought about it, I was still taking his word on that. I couldn’t remember it for myself.
Teddy’s glare turned into a downright evil smirk when I finally put the pieces together. “You didn’t!” But even as I told myself it was impossible, I knew it was the truth.
I backed away from Donovan, horrified. When I met his gaze, my eyes brimmed over with tears. “You gave me everything except my memories of Ryan?” My voice broke, and I sucked in a breath as I fought back a sob. “Why would you do that?”
Why I felt betrayed, I had no clue. How could I feel betrayed when I’d not trusted him in the first place? I’d known there would be a catch somehow, but this? This wasn’t strategic; it was cruel.
Donovan, surprisingly, let out a wary sigh and sat down in the chair across from mine. He looked genuinely regretful as he said, “I didn’t want to. I want you to trust me, Jamie. I want you to see that I’m not a monster.”
“Then how could you be so cruel? Don’t give me all my memories, fine; I can understand you needing leverage in our bargain, but why keep the one thing I love more than anything from me? Why take that from me?”
Tears began to spill from my eyes.
“He didn’t have a choice,” Teddy said. My control on my powers slipped at hearing the self-satisfaction in his voice. He leaned against the back of the couch, arms and ankles crossed in front of him. There was as much cruelty in his face as there had been in his voice. “After you fried my nanobots the first time, he needed me to make a new batch that could withstand your energy.”
“Your nanobots?” I gasped.
“Of course they’re mine.” Teddy scoffed, insulted by my surprise. “Who else in the world could create something so sophisticated? It’s impossible technology. For anyone except me. I agreed to work for Donovan years ago in order to gain access to his computer systems. It was a small price to pay to be able to plan my escape with Blake. And Donovan can’t recreate them himself, though he’s spent the last few years trying.”