Release(44)
Adam paid Emery for thirty-six pizzas, which even with Angela’s staff discount came to nearly three hundred dollars.
“You don’t have that much money,” Angela said, as he refused to take any of hers.
“I said I’d get them.” Adam picked up the first stack to take to his car. “The Garcias will pay me back.”
“You aren’t sure of that.”
“I remain optimistic.”
“Despite everything else that’s happened today?”
“Because of it. How much worse can it get?”
“Oh, dude,” Angela said, panicking, looking frantically around the back room at Pizza Frome Heaven to find some actual authentic wood to knock on. He took the pizzas out to his car; they were taking his rather than Angela’s as it could hold more. His phone buzzed again as he put them in the back.
Marty. Again.
“For God’s sake.” Adam took a deep breath. “Hello?”
“Oh, praise God.”
“Just ‘hello’ is fine, Marty.”
“They’ve been worried sick.”
“About what, I wonder?”
“That you’d do something to yourself.”
“Do you really think this family is worth killing myself over?” Angela came out with the second stack of pizzas rising nearly to the level of her eyeballs. He helped her one-handedly put them next to the others.
“Adam–”
“What do you want, Marty?”
“You know what they want. For you to come home.”
“No, not what they want. You. What do you want, Marty?”
He didn’t answer at first, and Adam was ready to hang up, but then he said, “I want to feel safe.”
“What?” Adam said, sounding so surprised, Angela looked up.
“Everything’s…” Marty started. “Just sort of falling apart, isn’t it?”
“What the hell are you talking about?”
Angela whispered to him, “Is everything okay?”
“I think Marty’s lost his mind,” he whispered back.
“Well,” she said, “would that really be a surprise?”
“Are you there?” his brother asked.
“Yeah. What are you talking about, things falling apart?”
“Well, Dad’s crying and Mom’s really mad–”
“Neither of those things surprise me.”
“And they’re both talking about quitting the ministry.”
This stopped Adam. But not for long. “That’s an empty threat.”
“I know–”
“They’re trying to manipulate both of us.”
“I know, Adam, I’ve lived with them longer than you have. I’m just saying, they’re really upset.”
“Upset isn’t the same as the world falling apart.”
“You haven’t seen Dad’s face.”
Adam took a deep breath. “Yes, I did, Marty. I saw it when he suggested it was my own fault my boss touched me. I saw it when he tried to cast the devil out of me. When he told me all the conditions I needed to meet before I could be his son–”
“I don’t believe he said that–”
“He didn’t say anything like that when you told him about Felice?”
Marty was quiet.
“Marty, he told me that he had to work to love me.” Adam took another breath. “And maybe he’s right on that one.”
“The fuck he is,” Angela said, louder now.
“Angela’s there?” Marty asked him.
“Marty, I’m going to go now. I’m not responsible for your life feeling safe. I might have been, once, if anyone there had cared–”
“It’s because I care–”
“On your terms. No one else’s.”
“There are only God’s terms.”
“Goodbye, Marty–”
“Adam!” He said it loud enough to stop Adam, who just breathed into the phone, waiting for what his brother had to say. And what his brother ended up having to say was: “I love you, bro.”
Adam’s throat gripped, but he was angry that it did. “Do you, bro?”
“Without condition.”
“I wish I could believe you, Marty.”
“I know that they don’t.”
“What?”
“I know they don’t. I see it with my own two eyes. Do you think I’m blind to how quickly they forgive me and how slow they are to forgive you? Today most of all.”
“Why do either of us need to be forgiven so often?”
“It’s … it’s not Christian, what they’re doing. How they’re acting.” Adam heard a car go by on the other end of the line. His brother must have gone outside to make the call. Wanted to make it away from their parents. “That’s what I meant about things not feeling safe, Adam. They screamed about me and Felice but then they just… Opened their arms after your news. I was supposed to be on the same team as them. Against you.”
“Marty–”
“I’ve committed my life to this. I’m not perfect, bro, far from it, but I know that love can be perfect. I just… I want you to know that I know I’ve been doing what they’ve been doing. For too long. I’ve put conditions on you. I’ve looked at you with pity.”