Rayne & Delilah's Midnite Matinee(54)

When I walked across that stage, it felt amazing to have finished something. It felt good that I didn’t quit and run away when things were hard.

Afterward, Jesmyn, Carver, my best friend Josie, her boyfriend Lawson, and I went back to our house. We talked and laughed until it got really late.

We watched one of your movies, The House on Haunted Hill. Jesmyn and Carver helped Josie and me get ready for our show. I guess now is a good time to mention that I have a show on TV Six here in Jackson. It’s called Midnite Matinee. I’m a real-life horror host. Just like we used to watch together. My show’s even syndicated in a bunch of cities. But not yours.

We taped the show tonight, actually. We roped Jesmyn and Carver into it. Jesmyn is an amazing piano player, and she performed this creepy Bach song on her keyboard with the organ sound effect. We made Carver and Lawson dance. They’re both terrible.

Afterward, Carver asked why we don’t do our show on YouTube. I guess he had a friend who was big on YouTube. I told him that Josie wants to work in TV someday. I said I was specifically interested in TV because I grew up watching TV horror hosts. I didn’t tell him that you introduced me to them and then I watched your tapes after you left.

But the real reason we did public access and not YouTube is I’d figured you didn’t watch YouTube. You left me hundreds of VHS tapes written on with black Sharpie. I don’t think you’re a YouTube guy. I wanted you to be flipping through channels one night and see me there on your TV. And I wanted you to be proud of me and regret leaving me.

Boy, is the way I feel about you complicated. I love you for all the things you did. And I hate you for the one thing you didn’t do, which was stay.

Carver and I somehow got on the subject of losing people. His three best friends died right before he started senior year, so I guess he thinks about it a lot. I do too. I didn’t say this, but I think it might be harder to lose someone the way I lost you because you chose to be dead to me. Even though you’re out there alive somewhere, living a new chapter of your life.

I wonder a lot how and why. How you left so much of yourself behind all at once. Why you did.

Next week we’re going to ShiverCon in Orlando, and we’re going to meet Jack Divine. He produced and directed SkeleTonya back in the day. I’ve watched all your SkeleTonya tapes. We’re hoping he can help us make the show bigger. I’m scared if we can’t make the show bigger, Josie will leave to pursue her goal of being on TV professionally. Another person leaving me behind.

And while we’re in Orlando, maybe I’ll be brave enough to drive to your city and show up on your front porch and ask you why you left. Maybe I’ll figure out what’s wrong with me that you were able to leave me behind so easily and never look back.

I look a lot different now. Hope you recognize me.

Your daughter,





Delia By the end I’m crying so hard I have a hard time seeing the screen. I guide the cursor over the “send” button. I sit and chew on my thumbnail. I take lots of deep, trembling breaths.

I delete.





“I have some issues with the name Books-A-Million,” I say.

Lawson holds the door of Books-A-Million open for me. It feels like walking into a cavern, from the floral late-May heat. “Why?” Lawson asks.

“Because it’s supposed to be a play on the phrase ‘thanks a million,’ but ‘books’ doesn’t sound like ‘thanks.’?”

“Maybe.”

“No. Definitely. What other ‘blank a million’ phrase have you ever heard?”

Lawson ponders.

“I see you thinking,” I say. “Stop wasting your energy and admit I’m right.”

“?‘Banks’ sounds like ‘thanks.’ You could name a bank ‘Banks-A-Million.’?”

“Meh.”

“Come on. It’s perfect! Million, like how banks have millions of dollars.”

“Yeah, no, I definitely got it. Okay, one, I would never trust my money to a banking institution that used a pun name. Two, each bank is just one bank. At least at Books-A-Million there are lots of books. Multiple books.”

“There are lots of dollars at banks. Millions.”

“But no synonym for ‘dollars’ rhymes with ‘thanks.’?”

Lawson deftly dodges a table that snuck up on him while he was listening to me talk. “You are tough to win over.”

“The way it should be. You see the book you want?”

“Not yet.”

“Do they have it?”

“I guess it’s possible Books-A-Million decided not to carry the new G. M. Pennington Bloodfall prequel because they’re tired of making money.”

“Oh ho ho! Is that sarcasm I detect? Huh? Comedian?” I start poking him in the ribs. “You a funny guy?”

He giggles and fends me off. “Stop. That tickles.”

“Clever guy?” Poke poke.

He grabs my hands and spins me around and pulls me backward into him. “Maybe,” he murmurs into the side of my neck, dragging his scratchy jaw down it. It gives me the same feeling as jumping a little higher on a trampoline than you expected to.

I pull away from him, not because I particularly want to, but because I don’t want to be “that couple” at a bookstore. “What about a fight gym called Spanks-A-Million?”