Operation Prom Date (Tactics in Flirting, #1)(51)

It needed to be by myself, too, because clearly I had to do the rest of this mission without Cooper Callihan.





Chapter Thirty-One


Cooper


Kissing Kate had been a mistake. Not because it wasn’t amazing, because it was. I couldn’t stop thinking about it, and I wanted to do it again and again and never stop kissing her. But the stabbing jealousy I experienced every time I saw her with Mick made it hard to breathe or think, slicing so much deeper now that I knew what her soft lips felt like against mine. How it felt to hold her in my arms and have her cling to me as if she never planned on letting go.

For a few amazing minutes last night, I’d convinced myself she felt the same way I did, because otherwise the kiss wouldn’t have overpowered me like that. But when I saw her in the hallway with Mick first thing this morning, his arms around her as he whispered in her ear, reality came crashing in. I was the guinea pig guy. Practice for the real thing.

When it came to deciding exactly what I wanted to do with my life, I struggled to make a solid decision. Partially because Dad already made it for me, but honestly, committing to one thing for the rest of my life made my chest squeeze too tight. It seemed so final, and with most of my life stretched in front of me, I didn’t want to choose wrong and end up living with regrets. The only thing I’d ever fully committed to was rowing, which had to do with my love for gliding through the water more than team spirit.

For the first time in my life, I was completely sure of one thing I wanted, no second-guessing, no fear over thinking in long-term scenarios.

I wanted Kate.

I wanted her sitting next to me in the cab of my truck, or in my boat, or on the foot of my bed—or really, wherever, because it didn’t matter where we were when I was with her. I wanted to listen to her babble on and on about couples she shipped in that dreamy yet passionate tone, and to show her constellations as we laid out under the stars and laughed and talked until both of us were too hoarse to speak. Then we’d speak in other ways, kissing until her breaths were mine, and mine were hers.

I’d tried not to hope—even shut my emotions off the best I could the instant the kiss ended—but after a night of tossing and turning, I’d decided I was going to tell her how I felt. With my attraction moving into the consuming range, simply avoiding her wasn’t going to be enough to repress it, and I knew I couldn’t hold back how I felt anymore.

Or that was what I thought before I saw her with him.

I’d detached myself the best I could this morning so I wouldn’t explode when she’d tried to talk to me—no doubt about how successful kissing practice had been at helping her be more comfortable with Mick. I’d felt so ripped open and raw, I couldn’t even look at her. I kept telling myself I couldn’t get mad at her when she’d been crystal clear about the point of our deal and I was the sucker who went along with it, but I was angry all the same.

Then she was with him at lunch, too, which only rubbed salt in the wound, and I’d had a pointless day of classes where I couldn’t focus for shit.

Stupid me, I’d still kept an iron grip on that tiny glimmer of hope that called to me and said once we were alone in my boat, I could do something to make her see me and how amazing we could be together, and get her to change her mind. Get her to pick me instead.

While staring at the door of the school, holding my breath as I waited for her to come out, my phone had chimed with a text from her.

Then it became painfully clear I needed to face the fact that she didn’t want me the way I did her.

I’d lost her, but even worse, she hadn’t ever been mine.

I looked down and re-read the text.

Kate: I know this is totally hypocritical of me, but I can’t meet you for rowing practice today. I need some space.

Yeah, space from me so you can get with Mick. I’d mildly disliked the guy before, but that’d just been upgraded to loathing with a fiery passion.

I climbed in my truck, slamming the door shut, and peeled out of the school parking lot. The lake would only make me think of Kate, so I went home to wallow.

The second I stepped into the living room, I kicked myself for not going to the lake. Or at least checking the garage before coming inside.

Dad sat at the table, dozens of legal documents spread out in front of him. He looked at me before I could attempt to dart up the stairs unnoticed. “Hey, son. I just got this new case. You should come take a look. Get a taste for the files you’ll be digging into this summer.”

I moved over to him and the words on the multiple files blurred together. Evidently knowing what I wanted with Kate—even though I couldn’t have it—unlocked the part of me where all my desires lay, and they wanted to burst out and make themselves known. I’d already had it with today, and I figured it couldn’t get much worse.

I cleared my throat and looked at my father. “I don’t want to be a lawyer. I want to be on the rowing team and study marine biology. I’ll probably minor in astronomy while I’m at it.”

“If rowing’s that important to you, you can be on the team. But that’s not a good bachelor’s degree to help you get into law school. And they certainly won’t be impressed by astronomy as a minor.”

Frustration bubbled up inside me, threatening to burst free, but I knew yelling would only drive this conversation into explosive territory. “Well, if you listened to the first part of that statement, I don’t want to be a lawyer, so going to law school would be a waste of time.”