None of the Above(71)

“I can drive with her and walk home,” Darren said behind me. “If that’s okay with you,” he added, suddenly shy.

Julia flashed me a quick smile. I blushed, wondering what Becky would say about Darren driving home with me again.

“Okay, then,” Gretchen said, jangling her keys. “I’ll call you tomorrow.”

“Tomorrow.” I nodded.





CHAPTER 44


After Darren sardined himself into my car, we didn’t talk much. I fiddled with my stereo and settled on a classic rock station, not sure what to say, not daring to start something that Darren might not be willing or able to finish. As we neared my neighborhood, he pressed some money into my hand to pay for the toll on the Thruway. I waved him off.

“No, please,” I said. “It’s the least I can do for dragging you into that situation.”

“Whatever; it was nothing.”

“No, seriously. What would Becky have thought if you’d gotten hurt defending me?”

Darren winced. “Well, if I go by what she said when she dumped me last weekend, she’d probably think I deserved it.”

“Oh no!” A thrill went down my spine, and my cheeks flushed. “What happened?” I worked to keep my voice steady.

“It’s not that big of a deal; I mean, it was kind of doomed from the start. She’s a sophomore, and I’m going to be leaving for college. She really didn’t like the idea of me being in New York City. Besides . . .” Darren paused, and I watched him struggle for a second before he turned to give me a swift, shy glance. “I think she knew that I might have feelings for someone else.”

Suddenly, I found it hard to breathe. There was an ache just below my right collarbone; it was the wrong side of the chest to be my heart, really, but close enough. Darren started to say something. False-started. Finally, he asked me:

“You know that I’ve had a crush on you since our parents dated, right?”

“No,” I whispered. I’d always assumed that he was just shy, and nice. I shook my head, unable to think of anything remotely crushworthy about me during middle school.

We turned off the main drag onto my street. All the traffic signals had switched to flashing yellow; it was getting to be the witching hour. How else to explain what Darren was telling me?

“Why me?” I asked.

Darren laughed, incredulous. “Because you’re probably the only Homecoming Queen in the world who would ever wonder why someone would like her.”

I grimaced. “I’m also probably the only Homecoming Queen who’s intersex.”

“True enough. But you can run me into the ground and aren’t snotty about it. Your idea of a fun Saturday-night activity is filling éclairs with my mom. And you make a mean Popsicle-stick puppet.”

I remembered the day at the clinic when I’d caught him staring at me under the play tent. I’d thought he’d just been ogling the freak. “Aren’t you afraid of what people will think?”

I pulled into my driveway, and cut the engine. For the longest time, he didn’t respond. My nerves roller-coastered as we listened to the tinkling creaks of the cooling engine.

When he finally spoke, his voice was quiet but clear as glass. “If there’s one thing I learned from my dad leaving my mom, it’s that love isn’t a choice. You fall for the person, not their chromosomes.”

The knot in my chest had been present for so long I’d forgotten it was there. But with Darren’s words I could feel it loosening. I made a little noise that could’ve been a laugh, except I was crying again.

“Shit.” Darren fumbled around in his coat pocket for a tissue and came up with a crumpled Carmella’s napkin. “I’m so sorry,” he said. “This is, like, the most unromantic object ever offered to wipe away someone’s tears.”

I gasped a laugh as Darren dabbed at my face, then shivered as he ran a finger along my cheek. I closed my eyes and leaned into the warmth of his palm, sensing rather than seeing him pull closer to me, his breath growing ragged. I caught the faint scent of Dr Pepper and Old Spice.

When our lips touched, I could taste my own tears.

Our kiss was tentative at first, as if this thing between us was made of spun glass, liable to break if we moved too quickly. When Josh and I had kissed, it’d been furtive and rushed. With Darren, though, I knew instantly that we had all the time in the world.

I’d been running for so long, trying to escape from who I was. Here in the steady circle of Darren’s arms, I was finally ready to stand still.





CHAPTER 45


It was almost three before I got home, but I was wide awake. My dad had left the front porch light on, and I crept in as silently as I could, the door making only the barest whisper. I was unwinding my scarf in the dark when the foyer lights flickered on.

Footsteps creaked down the stairs and my father squinted at me. “Kristin, that you?”

“Sorry to wake you up, Dad.”

“Thank God you’re all right.” Rough with sleep, his tone was accusing, which I thought was odd because the last couple of times I went out, my dad had been so excited that he didn’t bother setting a curfew.

“You could’ve texted me if you were worried,” I reminded him.