More Than Good Enough(24)

“A song is like a movie, too.”

“How so?”

“It’s there. You’re in the moment. Then it’s gone.”

Nobody had ever talked about stuff like that with me. I wanted to keep talking to Pippa … tell her about the music and the words that kept me awake at night.

“Sometimes I think I’ve found the perfect melody,” I explained, “and after playing it for a while, it doesn’t feel right anymore. Or it maybe sounded better in my head. Or I’m just not good enough to play it.”

“I know what you mean,” Pippa said. “When I listen to an awesome song on the radio, it feels like the band is singing with me.”

“My ex-girlfriend, Michelle, always made fun of my songs. Actually, she thought they were all about her.”

What the hell was I saying? This was the perfect time to shut up. Any rational person would’ve stopped talking. Did I?

Of course not.

“Can I tell you something personal?” I asked.

“Sure,” Pippa said, staring up at the trees.

“Michelle was my first. I mean, you’ll always remember your first, right?”

“Yeah. I guess.” She shoved the notebook in her bag. “Unless you were unconscious or something.”

I stared.

“Sorry. I was trying to be funny,” she said.

“Thanks. That really helps.”

“I mean, I know what you’re going through.”

“You do?”

She hugged me. When she started to pull away, I didn’t let go. Pippa was looking at me so intensely I forgot to breathe. We kissed right there on the abandoned road, a place where men had built missiles and planned wars, and now, hardly anybody remembered. She was breathing into me, daring me to feel something.

Still, I held back.

She must’ve noticed. Yeah, I’m sure she did. God. Why couldn’t I be normal for once? I was overanalyzing the situation as usual, thinking about something my crazy cousin, Marco, had told me in back sixth grade: kissing seals the deal. Of course, I hadn’t made out with anybody then. Not unless you count Pippa, who’d tried to “practice” on me during a marathon of Ninja Turtles.

Now we were kissing for real.

Shit.

I had officially lost it. Why was I thinking about anything at a time like this? I needed to focus. Here I was, alone with this girl who had somehow changed into this mega hottie, and I couldn’t even kiss it away.

Pippa tilted her chin down, closing me off. She must’ve sensed that I was someplace else.

“What’s wrong?” I whispered.

“Sorry. I’m a little nervous.”

I stroked the small of her back, tracing circles there. “Do I make you nervous?”

“Only when you do that.”

“I’ll stop, if you want.”

“Don’t. I mean … I don’t want you to stop.”

My hands slid inside her shirt. I kept mumbling stuff like, “You’re so damn pretty.” She told me to keep going. It seemed like the right thing to say. I wanted to feel good, too; but all I felt was confused. And to make things more confusing, I didn’t know why.

On the side of the building, somebody had painted a rocket with the words U.S. ARMY printed in capital letters. Under it floated some modern day graffiti. YUCK, it said, beside a frowny face with a mouthful of fangs.

Pippa pushed my hands off her. Shoved me, actually. “Do you always kiss with your eyes open?”

“Huh?” I was still looking at the rocket.

“Just be real. Seriously. I can take a hint. If this is too weird—”

“It’s not like that. I mean, shit. I’m sorry.”

What was I sorry for? It seemed like I was always apologizing.

Pippa smoothed her hair into place, tucking a few strands behind her ears. “Let’s just go, okay?”

“Wait. I want to show you something.”

She was halfway to the fence. In other words, back to where we started. “I’ve seen enough.”

“God, you’re so judgmental. It’s like you’re trying to make yourself mysterious.”

“That makes no sense, Trent. How can I ‘make myself mysterious’? It’s not like I’m pretending to be somebody different. Unlike other people I know.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Now I was getting pissed.

“This is so wrong.” She grabbed a tissue from her bag and mashed it against her face.

“Talk to me for one second. Please.”

“You’re just using me to get over your ex,” Pippa said.

“That’s totally not true. Don’t even play that.” I reached out for her, but she jerked away as if I were Kryptonite. “You’re being really dramatic over nothing.”

Great. Now she was full-on crying and, of course, it was my fault. I stood there thinking how cute she looked. I wanted to kiss her spiky eyelashes. Hold her until she stopped shaking.

“Can we go back now?” Pippa sniffed.

“Not until you see the best part,” I said, stomping off toward a garage-type building just a few yards ahead. On the ground, you could see wing-shaped dents, as if something heavy had dragged across it a long time ago. So this was the abandoned missile base.