Maybe Someday (Maybe #1)(90)
However, I’ve learned that the heart can’t be told when and who and how it should love. The heart does whatever the hell it wants to do. The only thing we can control is whether we give our lives and our minds the chance to catch up to our hearts.
I know that’s what you want more than anything. Time to catch up.
As much as I want to stay here and allow this to begin between us, there’s something I want from you even more than that. I want you to be with me in the end, and I know that can’t happen if I keep trying to rush our beginning. I know exactly why you were hesitant to let me in last night: you aren’t ready yet. Maybe I’m not, either. You’ve always said you wanted time to yourself, and the last thing I want is to start a relationship with you when I’ve barely given enough respect to the one that just ended with Maggie.
I don’t know when you’ll be ready for me. It might be next month or next year. Whenever it is, just know that I have absolutely no doubt that we can make this work. I know we can. If there are two people in this world capable of finding a way to love each other, it’s us.
Ridge
P.S. I spent most of the night watching you sleep, so that’s one fantasy I got to check off the list. I also wrote lyrics to an entire song, which was unfortunate for Brennan. I didn’t have my guitar, so I forced him to make a rough cut of it at five o’clock this morning so I could leave it with you.
One of these days, I’ll play it for you, along with all the other songs I plan to write for you while we’re apart. Until then, I’ll be waiting patiently.
Just say when.
I fold the letter and pull it against my chest. As much as it hurts to know he’s walking away, I also know that I need to let him. I asked for this. We need this. I need this. I need to get myself to a point where I know that we can finally be together without all the doubt running through my head. He’s right. My mind needs to catch up to my heart.
I run the back of my hand across my eyes, then open my texts.
Me: Can you come over? I need your help.
Warren: If this has to do with the fact that I gave Ridge your address last night, I’m sorry. He forced it out of me.
Me: This has nothing to do with that. I need to ask you for a huge favor.
Warren: Be there when I get off work tonight. Should I bring condoms?
Me: Funny guy.
I close out the text to Warren and open up the song Ridge just sent me. I reach into my drawer for my headphones, then fall back against my pillow and hit play.
IT’S YOU
Baby, everything you’ve ever done
Underneath this here sun
It doesn’t even matter anymore
Oh, of this I’m sure
‘Cause you’ve taken me
Places I want to be
And you show me
Everything that I could ever
Want to see
You, you know it’s
You know it’s you
I think about you every single day
Trying to think of something better to say
Maybe hi, how are you
Not just anything will do
‘Cause you’ve taken me
Places I want to be
And you show me
Everything that I could ever
Want to see
You, you know it’s
You know it’s you
Chapter Twenty Four
Ridge
Me: I’m looking at your schedule for March. You’re free on the 18th.
Brennan: Why do I feel like I’m about to be busy on the 18th?
Me: I’m planning a show, and I need your help. We’ll do it locally.
Brennan: What kind of show? Full band?
Me: No, just you and me. Maybe Warren if he’ll sign for us.
Brennan: Why do I feel like this has to do with Sydney?
Me: Why do I feel like I don’t care what you feel like?
Brennan: The ball is in her court, Ridge. You really should just leave things alone until she’s ready. I know how you feel about her, and I don’t want you to screw it up.
Me: March 18 is still three months away. If she hasn’t made up her mind by that date, then all I’m doing is giving her a little shove. And when did you start giving relationship advice? How long has it been since you were in one? Oh, wait. That would be never.
Brennan: If I agree to help you, will you STFU? What do you need me to do?
Me: Just carve out some time for me between now and then to run through some new songs.
Brennan: Is someone over his writer’s block?
Me: Yeah, well, someone once told me heartache is good for lyrical inspiration. Unfortunately, he was right.
Brennan: Sounds like a smart guy.
I close out my texts to Brennan and open one up to Warren.
Me: March 18. I need a local venue. A small one. Then I need you to get Sydney to go there with you that night.
Warren: Is she supposed to know you orchestrated this?
Me: No. Lie to her.
Warren: Not a problem. I’m good at lying.
I set my phone down, pick up my guitar, and walk out onto my balcony. It’s been almost a month since I last saw her. Neither of us has texted the other. I know Warren still keeps in contact with her, but he refuses to tell me anything, so I just stopped asking. As much as I miss her and as much as I want to beg her to just let this begin with us, I know time is better for both of us right now. There was still too much guilt rolled up in the thought of starting something too soon, despite how much we wanted to be together. Waiting until we’re both in a good place is definitely what needs to happen.