Maybe Someday (Maybe #1)(68)

My head rolls forward into my hands as the sobs erupt from my chest. Warren’s arm folds over my back, and he pulls me against him. I don’t know who I’m crying for right now, but my heart hurts so much I just want to rip it from my fucking chest and throw it over Ridge’s balcony, because that’s where this whole mess began.





Ridge

Maggie has been asleep for a couple of hours now, but I’ve yet to sleep. That’s usually how it is when I’m with her in the hospital. After five years of sporadic stays, I’ve learned it’s much easier not to sleep at all than it is to get a half-ass couple of hours.

I open my laptop and pull up my messages to Sydney, then send her a quick hello to see if she’s online. We haven’t had a chance to discuss the fact that I asked her to move out, and I hate not knowing if she’s okay. I know it’s wrong to be messaging her at this point, but it seems even more wrong to leave things unsaid.

She returns my message almost immediately, and the tone of it already relieves some of my worry. I don’t know why I always expect she’ll respond unreasonably, because she’s never once shown a lack of maturity or regard for my situation.

Sydney: Yeah, I’m here. How’s Maggie?

Me: She’s good. She’ll be discharged this afternoon.

Sydney: That’s good. I’ve been worried.

Me: Thank you, by the way. For your help last night.

Sydney: I wasn’t much help. I felt like I was in the way more than anything.

Me: You weren’t. There’s no telling what could have happened if you hadn’t found her.

I wait a moment for her to respond, but she doesn’t. I guess we’ve reached the point in this conversation where one of us needs to bring up what we both know must be discussed. I feel responsible for this entire situation with her, so I bite the bullet and lay it out there.

Me: Do you have a minute? I really have some things I’d like to say to you.

Sydney: Yes, and likewise.

I glance up at Maggie again, and she’s still asleep in the same position. Having this conversation with Sydney in her presence, as innocent as it is, makes me uneasy. I take my laptop and walk out of the hospital room and into the empty hallway. I sit on the floor beside the door to Maggie’s room and reopen my laptop.

Me: The main thing I’ve appreciated about our time together over the last couple of months is the fact that we’ve been upfront and consistent with each other. With that being said, I don’t want you to leave with the wrong idea about why I need you to move out. I don’t want you to think you did anything wrong.

Sydney: I don’t need an explanation. I’ve more than worn out my welcome, and you have enough to stress about without adding me into the mix. Warren found an apartment for me this morning, but it isn’t available for a few days. Is it okay if I stay here until then?

Me: Of course. When I said I needed you to move, I didn’t literally mean today. I just meant soon. Before things become too hard for me to continue to walk away.

Sydney: I’m sorry, Ridge. I didn’t mean for any of this to happen.

I know she’s referring to the way we feel about each other. I know exactly what she means, because I didn’t mean for it to happen, either. In fact, I’ve done everything I could to stop it from happening, but somehow my heart never got the message. If I know it wasn’t intentional on my part, I know it wasn’t intentional on her part, so she has nothing to apologize for.

Me: Why are you apologizing? Don’t apologize. It’s not your fault, Sydney. Hell, I’m not even sure it’s MY fault.

Sydney: Well, usually when something goes wrong, someone is at fault.

Me: Things didn’t go wrong with us. That’s our problem. Things are way too right between us. We make sense. Everything about you feels so right, but—

I pause for a few moments to gather my thoughts, because I don’t want to say anything I’ll regret. I inhale, then type out the best way to describe how I feel about our entire situation.

Me: There isn’t a doubt in my mind that we could be perfect for each other’s life, Sydney. It’s our lives that aren’t perfect for us.

Several minutes pass without a response. I don’t know if I crossed the line with my comments, but however she’s reacting to them, I needed to say what I had to say before I could let her go. I’m beginning to close my laptop when another message pops up from her.

Sydney: If there’s one thing I’ve learned from this whole experience, it’s that my ability to trust wasn’t completely broken by Hunter and Tori like I initially thought. You’ve always been upfront with me about how you feel. We’ve never skirted around the truth. If anything, we’ve worked together to find a way to change our course. I want to thank you for that. Thank you so much for showing me that guys like you actually exist, and not everyone is a Hunter.

She somehow has a way of making me sound so much more innocent than I actually am. I’m not nearly as strong as she thinks I am.

Me: Don’t thank me, Sydney. You shouldn’t thank me, because I failed miserably at trying not to fall in love with you.

I swallow the lump forming in my throat and hit send. Saying what I’ve just said to her fills me with more guilt than the night I kissed her. Words can sometimes have a far greater effect on a heart than a kiss.