Lying Out Loud(15)

“You are going to lecture me on social skills?”

“I’m sorry. Do us ignorant country folk here in Hamilton not communicate to your liking?”

“It’s not a problem with everyone in Hamilton.”

“Enough,” Mr. Buckley said. I was actually amazed at how long he’d let this go on. I suspected he got as much entertainment out of the sparring as the rest of the class did.

And … I think I kind of enjoyed it, too.

Honestly, though, it was amazing how funny and pleasant Ryder could be over IM, only to turn around and be a pompous jerk in real life. I was getting some serious whiplash.

Which was why I couldn’t respond to his IMs anymore. No más. I was done. It was already weird enough since, both times, I’d been on Amy’s account. She didn’t know about the second conversation, and I’d had to lie when she asked me if I knew why Ryder had given her a mixtape (seriously? Who has tapes anymore?) of some weird, poorly recorded band and asked if she’d sit with him at lunch.

“No idea,” I’d said. “I mean, we know he likes you…. What did you say?”

“Thank you, but that I always sit with you,” she’d replied.

Well, that was easy enough. Ryder would never sit at a lunch table with me. So I just shrugged.

Lying was easy. What was worse was that these conversations had totally confused my once unwavering disdain for Ryder Cross.

It had been easier when I hated him.





I would. Not. Respond.

Once again, insomnia had me sitting in the Rushes’ rec room well after midnight, only this time I didn’t have any homework left to do. Instead, I was torturing myself by looking up how far all of the colleges Amy was applying to were from Hamilton.

Answer: Really freaking far.

What the hell was I going to do? I hadn’t heard back from any of the jobs I’d applied for, I had no money, and when Amy left for college, I’d essentially be homeless. It wasn’t as if I could keep sneaking into her parents’ house.

Needless to say, I was already feeling a bit depressed and a little lonely when I heard the ping.

“Not falling for it this time, Ryder,” I mumbled.

Ping.

Nope.

Ping.

“Damn it.”

I told myself I was just going to log out of Amy’s e-mail. I told myself I wasn’t going to look at the message. But, as we’ve established, I am a liar, even when I’m talking to myself.

RYDER: Hey, Amy, are you there?

RYDER: I’m sorry. It’s late, and you’re probably not even near your computer. But I just found something out and I need to talk to someone. You were the only person I could think of.

RYDER: Sorry. Never mind.



As much as I wanted to ignore him, I couldn’t. There was something sort of desperate in those messages that I couldn’t just walk away from.

To my surprise, I was … concerned. About Ryder Cross.

ME: Hey, I’m here. What’s going on? Are you okay?

RYDER: Not really.

RYDER: Do you have a few minutes?



I should’ve said no. I should’ve logged off.

But my own loneliness — mixed with my concern and curiosity — got the better of me.

ME: I’ve got all night.



I closed out the other Internet tabs, almost glad for the distraction. I couldn’t keep thinking about Amy leaving me for college. I wanted to go back to covering my ears and pretending it wasn’t happening. And if my only distraction was Ryder, so be it.

RYDER: My friend Aaron called me tonight. I knew something was up when I saw his name on my phone. He hasn’t called me in over a month.

ME: This is the one who’s dating your ex-girlfriend, right? The girl with the terrible name?

RYDER: Right, but it wasn’t about that.

RYDER: He was calling because he saw my dad, and he wanted to warn me.

ME: Warn you about what?

RYDER: He saw my dad leaving our house (Aaron lives next door) with this woman.

RYDER: This model.



He sent a link to a Google Images page, and I clicked it. My screen filled with dozens of shots of a beautiful brunette — Annalise Stone. She was a runway model from New York and only a few years older than Ryder and me.

ME: Wow. She’s pretty.

ME: Wait. Do you think he’s seeing her?

RYDER: Why else would she be leaving our house?



I wanted to make some sort of joke in response to this question, but I got the sense that this wasn’t the appropriate time.

ME: I don’t understand. I thought he didn’t want to divorce your mom.

RYDER: That’s what I thought, too. So I asked her.

RYDER: She didn’t want to tell me, but apparently that’s why she left. Because he’s been seeing this woman for a while.

ME: He’s been cheating?

RYDER: Yeah.

RYDER: But he refuses to give Mom a divorce because he thinks it’ll hurt his chances in the election in a couple of weeks.

ME: Well, so will sneaking around with a model half his age.

RYDER: I’m guessing he’s trying to keep that secret. But if Aaron could find out, the other candidates could, too.

ME: I’m sorry, Ryder.