Loveless (Osemanverse #10)(56)

I mean sometimes I just can’t help it I guess haha?

‘What are you saying to her?’ Rooney asked.

I was staring at my phone screen.

And then I chucked it across my bed.

‘This has to be a fucking joke,’ I blurted.

Rooney paused. ‘What?’

I sat up, pushing the covers off my body. ‘Everyone has to be fucking JOKING.’

‘What d’you –’

‘People are really out there just … thinking about having sex all the time and they can’t even help it?’ I spluttered. ‘People have dreams about it because they want it that much? How the – I’m losing it. I thought all the movies were exaggerating, but you’re all really out there just craving genitals and embarrassment. This has to be some kind of huge joke.’

There was a long silence.

Rooney cleared her throat. ‘I guess we’re not wank fantasy sisters.’

‘For fuck’s sake, Rooney.’

I don’t think this conversation had gone to a place that either of us were expecting it to.

I’d never fantasised about myself having sex. And that was different from most people. I was different. How had I never realised this before?

Picturing fanfic characters having sex? Great. Fine. Sexy. But picturing myself having sex with anyone, guy, girl, whoever, didn’t interest me.

No – it was more than that. It was an immediate fucking turn-off.

Was that what Sunil had told me about? Was that how he felt?

‘I don’t really know what to say or how to help,’ Rooney said. Then, with more sincerity than I was used to from Rooney, she followed up with, ‘Don’t do anything you don’t want to do, OK?’

‘… OK.’

‘I mean with Jason.’ She looked so serious all of a sudden, and I realised how rare it was for me to see an expression like that on Rooney’s face. ‘Just don’t do anything you’re not comfortable with. Please.’

‘Yeah. OK.’

Felipa Quintana

Hey, you sure you’re okay? This was a weird conversation Georgia Warr

i’m okay

sorry

this was weird

Felipa Quintana

I don’t mind!!! I love weird

I hope I helped??

Georgia Warr

you did





‘So … I guess this is properly a date, then,’ I said to Jason over our pancakes.

Our third date was at a pancake café. It was situated up a hill about a ten-minute walk out of Durham’s town centre and was so tiny that I felt claustrophobic. That was probably why I was so uncomfortable, I reasoned.

My statement seemed to fluster him for a moment, but eventually he cracked a smile. ‘I guess it is.’

He’d made an effort today, just like I had. His hair was extra fluffy, and he was wearing a fashionable Adidas sweatshirt with his usual black jeans.

‘Did the other two times count?’ I asked.

‘Hm … I don’t know. Maybe the second one?’

‘Yes. Us getting kicked out of the cinema then me getting a migraine does sound like a pretty good first date.’

‘One to tell the grandkids, I suppose.’ As soon as he said it, he looked very embarrassed, unsure whether this was an appropriate joke to make yet. I laughed to put him at ease.

We ate our pancakes and talked. We talked about the play, about our courses, about the upcoming Bailey Ball, which I’d managed to score Pip and Jason guest tickets to. We talked about politics and decorating our bedrooms and the new Pokémon game that was coming out soon. God, it was easy to talk to Jason.

That was all it took to ease my doubts. To stop thinking about that conversation with Rooney and Pip. To forget about what Sunil had told me.

Jason and I laughed about some little joke. And I thought – maybe. Maybe it could work if I just tried one more time.

‘You know what Rooney said?’ I said to Jason once we’d made it back to college. We were sitting in his corridor’s kitchen, and Jason had already made me a hot chocolate.

Jason stirred sugar into his tea. ‘What?’

I had made the decision on the walk back here to take my shot. Despite what Rooney had concluded at the end of our chat, I needed to treat this situation realistically – I was going to have to make an effort to force myself to like Jason. But I could do that, right? I could do it.

‘She thought it was weird we hadn’t kissed yet.’

OK, that wasn’t exactly what she’d said just before our big sex conversation. But it was what she’d implied.

Jason stopped stirring his tea. For a moment, his face was unreadable.

Then he continued stirring.

‘Did she?’ he said, with a small twitch of his mouth.

‘I think she’s had a lot more relationships than us, though,’ I said with an awkward chuckle.

‘Has she?’ Jason responded, again unreadable.

‘Yeah.’

Shit. Was I making this weird? I was making this weird.

‘Well …’ Jason tapped the spoon on the side of his mug. ‘That’s … I mean, everyone does these things at different paces. We don’t need to rush it.’

I nodded. ‘Yeah. True.’

OK. That’s fine. We didn’t need to kiss today. I could try again another day.