Look Both Ways(16)

Russell hands me the sidearm and picks up his own stuff. “Sorry, I’m rambling. I should probably get back up to the scene shop. But it was really nice to meet you.”

I’ve only known him five minutes, but I’m already really disappointed to see him go. Even if he’s not going to flirt with me, he’s still the first person who’s been nice to me since last night. All the other acting apprentices feel far away right now, and the lighting people clearly aren’t interested in letting me be one of them. Russell feels like the kind of friend I’m going to be allowed to have here.

“Nice to meet you, too,” I say. “Thanks so much for the help. See you around?”

“See you, Brooklyn from Manhattan,” he says. “Don’t worry. You’re going to be fine.”

He gives me such a reassuring smile that I almost feel ready to go back upstairs and face Zach. Almost.





I wake up the next morning when a balled-up pair of socks bounces off my head.

I squint against the light coming through the windows and try to move, but my body won’t cooperate. Every single muscle in my arms and legs and back aches like crazy from hauling lights up and down stairs yesterday, and I find a raised bruise under my hair from when I banged my head into a pipe. There is absolutely no way I can make it through nine weeks of Allerdale if I’m going to feel like this every morning.

“Brooklyn!” Another pair of socks hits my shoulder; Zoe’s obviously not going to leave me alone to wallow. I force myself to roll over.

“Stop,” I groan. “Sleeping.”

“You have to get up! We have a master class with Marcus this morning!”



I’m suddenly very, very awake. “What? Already? We just got here!”

“I know! Oh my God, what should I wear?”

I throw the covers off and stumble over to Zoe’s desk, where the electronic call board is up on her laptop screen. Sure enough, the apprentice company is supposed to meet in front of Haydu Hall in an hour. The whole apprentice company, not “the apprentice company minus Brooklyn Shepard.” Somehow I assumed I no longer had any apprentice privileges since I wasn’t cast, but that’s not true at all. I still have a chance to make a good impression on Marcus, the person who matters most. According to my mom, he can work miracles; maybe he’ll make all the misaligned pieces click inside me and today will be the day I transform from a hesitant amateur into a real actor.

Zoe and I spend way too long getting ready—we want to look pretty enough to be memorable, but casual enough that it doesn’t look like we put in a ton of effort. There’s no time for coffee by the time we’re done, but I have so much nervous adrenaline running through my blood that I don’t even need it. We meet up with Livvy and Jessa in the hall, and as we head over to Haydu, the modern steel-and-glass theater where all the musicals are performed, we try to guess what Marcus will teach us. As we pass Legrand, I worry for a minute that someone will see me and report me for skipping lighting crew, but logically I know that’s not going to happen. Today I’m not an expendable manual laborer. Today I’m a performer.

About half the apprentices are already gathered in front of Haydu, and everyone looks as apprehensive as I feel. The moment we arrive, the group subtly rearranges itself to center around Zoe, and I realize I’m not the only one who feels her magnetic pull. She seems to know everyone already, though I’m not sure how that’s possible. I make an effort to stay right next to her; the closest moon is the one that shines brightest.



Two of the boys come over to hug her, and she introduces them to me as Kenji and Todd. Todd’s totally my type—he looks a little like Russell, actually—and I shoot him the flirtiest smile I can muster at nine in the morning. He smiles back, but two seconds later he reaches for Kenji’s hand. Of course.

“These guys are in Midsummer with me,” Zoe says, leaning an arm on Todd’s shoulder like he’s a piece of furniture. “They’re also the cutest couple on the face of the earth, in case you haven’t noticed.”

“There’s no way we’re cuter than Sean and Dmitri,” Kenji says, and they all laugh, including Livvy. I figure that must be a reference to something that happened at Midsummer rehearsal, and I hate that after only one day, they’ve already formed inside jokes without me. Nobody bothers to fill me in.

“So, which show are you in?” Todd asks.

“I’m just in one of the side projects,” I say. “We haven’t started rehearsals yet.”

Kenji looks confused. “But…you’re an apprentice, right? I thought everyone got cast in something on the main stage.”

I can feel my face turning pink, but I shrug and try to look like it doesn’t bother me. “I guess my audition wasn’t as good as I thought?”

“I’m sure it was fine,” Kenji says, but he doesn’t look sure. He looks like he feels really sorry for me.



“You weren’t cast at all?” Livvy asks. “Man, I’m sorry. I guess I should stop complaining that I have to play a little boy again.”

“So, what, you’re spending the whole summer doing tech?” asks a redheaded girl who wasn’t even part of our conversation, and I wonder how many other people are listening in. I guess it doesn’t really matter. Everyone’s going to find out eventually anyway.