Lies I Told(13)

I glanced back at the bird. “That’s sad.”

“I guess they don’t know what else to do.” Logan turned to me, his attention shifting away from the peacock. “So there’s a bonfire at the Cove on Saturday. You should come. Bring your brother, if you want. I think he’s on our basketball team in gym.”

“Sounds like fun.” I got out of the car. “Thanks for the ride.”

“No problem. See you at school tomorrow.”

I slipped my hand in my pocket, touching the ID card from Chandler High as I watched Logan drive carefully around the peacock, which was still standing, shell-shocked, as if it had no idea how it had ended up in a paved faux-haven like Playa Hermosa.





Eleven


I settled into a routine of meeting up with Selena in the morning and eating with her and the other girls at lunch. Ashley and Nina didn’t say much, but Selena and I never ran out of things to talk about. By the end of my first week in Playa Hermosa, I felt like we’d been friends forever. I was still careful not to say too much, not to step on the toes of my own lies, but I found myself telling her the truth about things, too.

Like the fact that I opened every new book to random pages, reading sentences out of context before actually starting it. And how I hated my nose even though everyone else said there was nothing wrong with it. And that I’d wanted to cut my hair short for years but always chickened out at the last minute.

The confessions were nothing big, nothing that would jeopardize the con, but they were things I’d held back in the past, if only to preserve some small part of myself to inspect when I started to forget who I really was.

Now I started to feel the truth of it. Of me. Not the part I played in this job or in the last one, but who I really was. Like acknowledging things about myself out loud somehow made them—and me—more real. It was exhilarating, confirmation that there was something underneath the Grace who lied and stole. But it was terrifying, too. What if the real Grace didn’t want to stay undercover anymore?

By Saturday I was filled with unfamiliar excitement, looking forward to both my shopping excursion with Selena and the bonfire later that night. It worried me. I wasn’t used to feeling normal. To being excited about parties and shopping. And it wasn’t like I hadn’t done the teenage thing before. I’d played more or less the same part in every con.

This was different. Sometimes when I was talking to Selena or smiling at Logan across the cafeteria, I forgot who I was supposed to be, the always reliable script in my mind turning momentarily blank. I had to remind myself that the bonfire was work. Logan was work. Even shopping was work. Fun wasn’t supposed to be a part of it.

But Logan seemed nice, casting glances my way at school, smiling when he caught my eye. It would have been a lie to say I wasn’t interested in him.

I would have to work around it, like I was working around Rachel.

I was in the kitchen Saturday morning, planning my outfit for the day and heating up a waffle in the toaster, when my dad came in dressed in plaid pants, a golf polo, and a hat.

I laughed. “You’re either auditioning for the sequel to Happy Gilmore or you’re going golfing.”

He poured himself a cup of coffee. “I ran into Warren Fairchild when I took a tour of Mar Vista on Tuesday. He invited me to try the club before I join.”

“Is it nice?”

He nodded. “Gorgeous. Right on a bluff overlooking the water.”

“Perks of the job, huh?” It sounded snide, even to me, which wasn’t what I intended.

My dad raised an eyebrow. “Ouch.”

I pulled my waffle out of the toaster and poured syrup over it. “Sorry. I guess I’m having a little trouble.”

“Because of your new friend?” he asked. “Selena, is it?”

I shrugged. “Maybe.”

“Well, you don’t have to spend time with her if you don’t want to.” He was stepping around the issue, not wanting to violate the rule about talking outside the War Room.

“I know. But that’s the thing: I do.” I cut my waffle, trying to think of a safe way to put my feelings into words. “I think I need it, you know?”

He set his cup in the sink and pulled me close, kissing the top of my head. “We all need things, Gracie. Just be careful.”

The words echoed through my bones like sonar. Careful of what? Careful not to be myself? Not to get close to anybody?

But of course that was exactly what he meant. Both of those things and more. There were endless things to be careful about.

“Oh, I forgot to tell you,” he said, turning back as he opened the door to the garage. “Warren invited us over tomorrow. The Fairchilds are having some kind of barbecue. Everyone will be there.”

I forced a smile. “Great.”

I carried my plate to the table and thought about the bonfire. There was no doubt that Logan was interested in me, but our time together was limited by the fact that I wasn’t part of the group. At lunch, Logan sat with the guys and Rachel, Harper, and Olivia. I still sat with Selena, Ashley, and Nina, and while I actually preferred it that way, moving to Logan’s table was a necessary move on the chessboard of the Playa Hermosa con.

The bonfire was my way in. It was the first time I’d be around Rachel’s group for any length of time. I needed to make the most of it. Needed to win over Harper and Olivia and cement Logan’s attraction to me. If I had the three of them, I was in. Logan’s friends wouldn’t care one way or another—guys never did—and Rachel would be so outvoted she’d need a reason to keep me on the outside.