Lady Smoke (Ash Princess Trilogy #2)(14)

He breaks off with a laugh empty of any kind of mirth.

“He probably would,” he admits, shaking his head. “He might even have forgiven you. He was a better person than me.”

S?ren doesn’t say anything, but Heron doesn’t expect him to. Heron turns away and starts for the door. “You can come with me, Theo, or you can stay, but if you stay you’re going to have a lot of explaining to do when you’re found.”

S?ren’s eyes dart toward me and away again, settling on the stones in front of him. He looks so lost that for a moment I waver.

I know better than most what a person who has given up looks like. Scanning the room, I see a few ways he could end his own life—slamming his head against the stone floor, wrapping his chains around his neck, cutting his wrists on the nail sticking out of the wooden wall. I’m sure S?ren could find half a dozen more if he put his mind to it. Letting him do it might even be a kind of mercy.

But the world isn’t done with him yet, and neither am I.

“I’ll come back,” I tell him. “I promise.”

He nods, though his eyes are far away and his jaw is set.





“YOU DID WHAT?” BLAISE ASKS, barely remembering to keep his voice quiet.

With him, Heron, and Artemisia here, my cabin feels smaller than ever. There isn’t even room to move around. Artemisia and I sit side by side on my bed while Heron slouches against the wall next to the door and Blaise sits on top of my dresser. I can tell that he’d like to get up, to pace the room to clear his mind, but he can’t stand without stepping on Heron’s feet and there’s nowhere to pace.

“I didn’t know what was being done to him, though I’m assuming all of you did,” I say, keeping my voice calm and level as I glance between Artemisia and Blaise. Heron won’t look at me—he hasn’t since we left S?ren in the brig—and I don’t particularly want to look at him either. Blaise glances down, guilt written all over his face, but Artemisia holds my gaze, unabashed.

“We knew that if you found out, you would do something stupid. And alas, here you are, wanting to do something stupid,” she intones.

Outside of Dragonsbane’s presence, she’s prickly as ever, and as much as her words bristle, I’m glad to have her back.

“Who are we if we let him stay there?” I ask them. “How are we any different from the Kalovaxians if we act just like them? I’ve been in his position, only treated better. At least I was given a room. I wasn’t kept in chains. I was given clean clothes and good food.”

“You did nothing to deserve that,” Blaise says. “You didn’t lead any battalions, you didn’t end any lives. You were a child.”

He has a point, and it’s one I can’t argue with.

“S?ren can be a stronger asset if he’s on our side,” I say instead.

“If he’s on our side,” Artemisia echoes.

“He thought he was, before I betrayed him,” I point out. “He was ready to stand against his father and go to war.”

“He was ready for Astrea to join forces with Kalovaxians,” Artemisia corrects. “That won’t happen.”

“And I don’t want it to,” I say.

“You do, though,” Heron says, speaking for the first time. His voice is still raw at the edges, but most of the anger has dissipated. All that’s left is grief, which is even harder to bear. “You want us to join with him.”

“He wants to be different,” I say. “You saw that yourself, Heron.”

Heron doesn’t reply, but his jaw sets into a hard line.

“We have all the power here,” I continue. “He can help us and we don’t even have to offer him anything in return, no truce or mercy. He just wants his soul. He just wants to prove to himself that he isn’t his father. And we can use that to our advantage.”

“Theo…,” Blaise starts with a sigh.

“It isn’t an ideal situation,” I interrupt. “But right now, we’re heading to a foreign country where my hand in marriage is being sold to the highest bidder. Nothing about this is ideal.”

None of them answers, and a thrill of power rushes through me. We’re on the same side, I remind myself, though I’ve spent so long on my own side that it’s an easy thing to forget sometimes.

“My mother won’t let him go,” Artemisia says. “She’ll fight you every step of the way, and she’ll have a lot of support behind her. I’m not saying you’re wrong—I’m not saying you’re right either, mind you—but you can’t afford to turn her into an enemy.”

“Dragonsbane isn’t the best ally, I know,” Blaise adds. “But right now she’s the strongest one we have. We have to pick our battles.”

I remember thinking the same thing about the Kaiser, that I had to pick what I would fight him on and what I wouldn’t, and how I learned quickly that I didn’t stand a chance of winning any battles, so I didn’t even try to fight. I’m not under his thumb, I’m not powerless anymore, but I feel that way now. Thinking of S?ren in that dungeon, beaten and alone, makes me feel sick. I did that to him, I put him there, and now I can’t get him out.

“All right,” I say. The words taste bitter. “But as long as he’s down there, I want him as safe as he can be. Heron—” I break off. I have no right to ask it of him, not after what he’s lost, but I’m asking it anyway, even if I don’t say the words.