In Sight of Stars(45)

He makes a face, and Sarah says, “Jesus, it’s only twelve thirty. I can’t help it if the train was delayed because of the weather.”

“Don’t worry,” he says. “I didn’t mind. Roberto is nice. He watched me. Oh, and they said to tell you they weren’t planning this. So, no dinner. Cuz we have to be back home tonight. But that they’ll see you when you visit longer in two weeks.”

“Okay,” Sarah says, trying to keep her voice cheerful. “By the way, this is Klee. He’s going to hang out with us.”

“Klee, yeah. Your boyfriend,” he says, making his voice singsong on the last word. I smile. She told him about me, then.

“No, your boyfriend, brat,” she says, swatting him playfully, then she helps him bundle up in his coat and mittens and hat, before we head back out into the city.

Despite their repeated pleas, I won’t tell them where we’re going, just head us up six blocks, then east on 59th Street. The snow is downright blizzardish, and Tyler doesn’t walk very fast, but he doesn’t complain either, and we finally make it to Dylan’s Candy Bar on the corner of 3rd Avenue and 60th Street.

“Voilà,” I say, crossing us and planting my hands on Tyler’s shoulders to stop him in front of the main window. “My dad used to take me here on my birthdays. Even the most jaded New Yorker can’t refuse an hour inside Dylan’s.”

The window is set up as Santa’s workshop. Gears made out of larger-than-life red-and-white peppermints spin and drop platter-sized spice drops and Mike and Ikes onto a conveyer belt that moves past rotating elves.

The place is a sugar-coated heaven.

“Holy cow!” Tyler says, mustering his first real show of enthusiasm, and we push in and through the insane sea of shoppers to get to the ceiling-high M&M bar in the back. Columns of graduating rainbow-colored M&M’s reach floor to ceiling, taking up an entire wall. Red to orange to yellow to green to purple, with multiple shades and gradations in between.

Sarah looks at me with an odd look of concern.

“Total tourist trap, for sure,” I say. “And overpriced. But there’s no kid on the planet who doesn’t love it here, trust me.”

“Yeah, except, it’s going to cost a fortune, Klee—”

“Don’t worry,” I say. “I don’t mind. I’ve got this.”

“You can’t.”

“I want to,” I say. “Consider it part of your Christmas present, okay?”

“Okay,” she says, then, “Whoa, Cowboy!” and she moves quickly toward Tyler to stop him from unloading an entire metal scoop of pale blue M&Ms into his bag.

By the time we cover all three floors of the store, the kid’s bag is filled with more than $30 of seriously overpriced candy that will clearly send him into a sugar coma. But when I pay and hand the bag back to him, it’s worth it just to see his goofy smile.

“Come on,” I say, when we’re outside again. “We’re just picking up steam. Stop number two on the Klee Alden Christmas tour of Manhattan.”

“Let’s not,” Sarah says, shivering. “It’s cold and I’m spent. Let’s just go back to the hotel and hang there.”

“No can do,” I say, pulling her close to me. “It’s only two thirty, and Tyler here has a whole lot of city to see, right, Tyler?”

“Right,” Tyler says, dangling a curl of red shoestring licorice into his mouth.

“Besides,” I add, “your parents won’t be back at the hotel until after five.”

“They’re not my parents,” Sarah says. “You mean my jackass father and his wife.”

*

The good thing about a snowy day in December is that it’s already twilight by 3 P.M.

I’m holding Sarah’s hand and she’s holding Tyler’s as I pull us across Madison toward Rockefeller Center.

“A tree is a tree, Klee,” Sarah whines. “It’s really cold. I don’t even get what the big deal is.”

My nose runs and I swipe at it with frozen fingers. I’m cold, too, and Sarah has finally taken me up on my offer of gloves. But it’s worth it. I know it is.

“You will,” I say. “And we’re here, anyway. So you might as well enjoy it now.”

As we move through the thickening crowds, I hold tighter to her hand, and grab Tyler’s, too. If I lose him here, I’ll never find him again. He lets me take it, and the feel of his small hand in mine makes my heart ache with thoughts of my dad. It occurs to me how needy a thing like love is, or can be, to care about someone so deeply. To simply want to hold on to them. It feels that way with Sarah. Like the harder I try, the more she only ever backs away.

But maybe that’s not right. Last night she called me, so maybe she’s just looking to me to be the one to hold on.

All I know is, standing here now, holding Tyler’s hand with the snow spinning down through the city, I long for my father and wonder whether I tried hard enough. If I had tried harder, maybe I could have done something to hold on to him.

“Okay, I hate to admit it, but you’re right, Alden.” Sarah has stopped in her tracks, slowed by the bodies and the spectacle before us. “Oh my God, it’s beautiful,” she says. Against the dusty gray sky, the tree is magical, aglow with a million dots of red, blue, and green.