Hani and Ishu's Guide to Fake Dating(40)

“Well … Aisling and Dee are both obsessed with River dale,” Hani says slowly. “I guess they both have huge crushes on KJ Apa and … Cole Sprouse.” She shrugs, like she doesn’t get the appeal.

“And who do you have a crush on?” I ask. She turns her head toward me a little too fast, a blush rising up her cheek.

“Um, n-no one,” she says too quickly.

I narrow my eyes. “Isn’t that the show where everybody is apparently ridiculously attractive? You don’t have a crush on anyone from there?”

Hani lets out a nervous laugh. “Oh, um … well. I haven’t actually watched it. I watched one episode and that was it.” She shrugs. “Have you watched it? Because that could be the easiest topic, you know. There’s no chance of veering off into talking about how much you hate the British monarchy.”

“I’m sure I could find a way,” I say.

Hani smiles fondly, holding my gaze a little longer than necessary. “I’m sure you could …”

“I haven’t watched it, though.” I break off our eye contact and shake my head. “I don’t know if I can sit through that. There’s just too many white people.”

Hani laughs. “Well, I’ll watch it with you if you want. We … can decide who our crushes are amongst all the apparently attractive people?”

Unfortunately, I already know who mine is. But all I do is shrug and say, “Sure. Why not?”





chapter twenty-three


hani


SATURDAY CREEPS UP FASTER THAN EXPECTED. EVEN with me telling Ishu about all of the things that Aisling and Dee love, and all of the topics that she should definitely 100 percent avoid, I’m not convinced that she’s prepared for this “triple date.” To help her prepare, I even typed up all of my suggestions into our Google Doc, so Ishu can use it like a cheat sheet. But things are bad enough with just Aisling, Dee, and the two of us. With their boyfriends involved too, I can only imagine how things will turn out.

I text Ishu bright and early on Saturday morning.

Hani: Aisling hates rice

Ishu: … in what situation would that come up??

Hani: if we’re picking a restaurant to go to??

Ishu: right, because I only love “rice” restaurants

Hani: you’re bengali!!!

Ishu: don’t stereotype us

Ishu: does she like potatoes, or are her tastes also monarchical

Hani: you should just agree to whatever she suggests, that’s the best way to play it …

Ishu: yeah, I got that about a hundred texts ago

I’m about to type back when my phone lights up with a call instead. I’m still in bed, so I sit up straight and pat down my hair to make sure that it’s not too messed up.

“You know that we’ve been talking about this nonstop for days now, right?” is the first thing Ishu asks. She is, obviously, already dressed and ready for the day ahead. She’s sitting at her desk, and I can see her biology and chemistry books peeking out on the corner of the phone screen. Who studies biology and chemistry first thing on a Saturday morning? “I can handle this—you need to stop freaking out.”

Ishu actually looks pretty calm for someone who has to spend the day sucking up to people she obviously detests.

“I just don’t want us to mess this up,” I say. “They’re the key to you becoming Head Girl. Everybody listens to Aisling … she would be Head Girl, you know. If her grades weren’t so awful.”

“Right.” Ishu sighs. “Well, I’ve been brushing up on my knowledge of royals. Did you know that the royal family member with the highest net worth is Princess Charlotte? Five billion dollars.”

“Are you planning on kidnapping her?” I ask.

Ishu heaves a sigh. “Five billion dollars wouldn’t even be enough for reparations considering all the colonization and war and genocide. And the fact that most of us are still suffering from the results of colonization and—” Ishu shuts up when she sees my sharp gaze. “I’ve … also been working on keeping my mouth shut.” She doesn’t look happy about it. And obviously she hasn’t worked that hard on it.

“Do you want me to meet you in town or do you want me to pick you up?” I ask, changing the subject.

“By ‘pick me up,’ you mean getting the bus to my house so we can get the Luas into town together?” There’s a hint of a smile on her lips. “Isn’t that a little bit of a roundabout trip for you?”

I shrug. “I don’t mind. This is important.” I’m also deathly afraid of her being stuck with Aisling, Dee, Barry, and Colm without me. I’m even afraid of her being with them when I’m there. I can’t even imagine how things would go if I leave her alone with them.

“Then … sure. Five o’clock?”

I nod. “See you then. Don’t study too much.”

Not that that’s possible for Ishu.




Ishu’s dad opens the door when I ring the doorbell. His face breaks out into a smile at the sight of me.

“Kemon acho, Babu?” he asks. “Porer shapta amader bashai tomra ashcho, na?”

“Good, Uncle. Yeah … we’ll be here next week.” I shuffle inside, wondering why Bengali parents are so bad at making conversation.