Gone, Gone, Gone(59)

Noah looks at me and coughs, his eyebrows up in his bangs.

“What?” I say.

With a straight face, he recites, “‘I may not have been sure about what really did interest me, but I was absolutely sure about what didn’t.’”

“Come on. It’s foreplay? Seriously?”

“You’re too young.” He flops backward. “You wouldn’t understand. You are a fetus in a world of Camus and spermicidal lubricant.”

“And you’re an *.”

“I’m just cynical. And you have no idea how far that’s going to take me.”

“Neither do you.”

“Au contraire, little brother. I know exactly how this college game works. I will arrive, the dark horse in a band of mushy-hearted freshman. College will pee itself in terror of my disenfranchised soul.”

I roll my eyes. “Beautiful.”

“Look. Listen to my words of wisdom. College’s only role these days, for an upper-middle-class kid going in for a f*cking liberal arts degree, is very simple. Do you know what that is?”

“A diploma. A good job. Yay.”

“No. College exists only because it thrives on the hopes and dreams of the young and innocent. College is a hungry zombie here to eat your brains. It wants to remind you that your naivete is impermanent and someday, English major or no, you’ll wear a suit and hate the feeling of sand between your toes.”

It’s not going to happen to me.

Noah continues, in a low mutter, “Like that’s not already forced into our heads every single f*cking minute of every winter.”

“So you’re, like, essentially already educated, just because you’re an *?”

“Because I’ve resigned myself to my fate, yeah. I’ve pre-colleged myself. I’m rocking the institution, entering it already all disillusioned and shit. I’m going to single-handedly change the world of higher education.”

I clear my throat. “‘I may not have been sure about what really did interest me, but I was absolutely sure about what didn’t.’”

“Go to sleep. Asshole.”

I never have a hard time falling asleep, but I do tonight. It takes a while of thinking of Bella’s lips before I drift off.