Girls with Sharp Sticks (Girls with Sharp Sticks, #1)(81)

I hold my expression, but his words “you are a prize” are a cold splash of water through my chest, sending chills over my skin.

“I wouldn’t want that either, Anton,” I say evenly. “I’m so close to graduation.”

“Exactly,” he says, relieved. “So I think it’s best if we have a meeting with all the girls. Make sure we’re all on track. Make sure you have the right attitudes.”

The suggestions stuns me, scares me. But I thank him for his time; I don’t want to stay in Anton’s office for even a second longer than I have to.

I stand up and reach for the book, but Anton quickly puts his hand on it and slides it out of my reach.

“I’ll hold on to this,” he snaps. “Lennon Rose won’t need it again.”

“I’m sorry,” I reply, angry at myself for even trying to take it. I wasn’t thinking clearly. He waves me out.

I leave his office, shivering off the shadows that try to follow me out. And even though I don’t want to think it . . . Anton all but confirmed it.

Lennon Rose is truly gone.

? ? ?

When I get back to my room, some of the girls are waiting in their doorways. Before I can tell them what’s happening, Guardian Bose’s voice booms like thunder down the hall.

“Back in your rooms until I come for you!” he shouts. I flinch at the violence in his tone, exchanging a worried look with Sydney.

Not wanting to be defiant, we all do as he asks.

The Guardian doesn’t come back to get us until late in the evening. They didn’t even let us have dinner.

I’ve nearly gone out of my mind while waiting, staring out the window at the woods as they darkened. Longing to escape. I should have left from the movie theater with Jackson.

Guardian Bose doesn’t speak as he leads us downstairs to the ballroom. But we’re not allowed near each other, let alone able to talk. Guardian Bose has us each sit at a different table. I hope this separation doesn’t last. The thought that it might terrifies us.

We watch Guardian Bose head to the front of the room. My leg shakes under the table.

The door opens and Mr. Petrov walks in, his suit wrinkled in a surprising way. He’s always very careful about his appearance, but he’s unnerved. He’s angry and bitter. This is him in his truest form.

Mr. Petrov stops at the front of the room, slowly looking each of us over until he lands on me. He takes the book out of his coat pocket and holds it up.

I’m not sure how he knows, but this is my fault. I put us all at risk—I can’t let the girls take any blame.

“It was my fault,” I say, pitching up my voice to sound sweeter. “Just mine. I was curious.” I shake my head. “Weak. I didn’t mean to read the book. I should have turned it in the moment I found it.”

“Do you feel brave, Philomena?” he asks, his tone cutting through my hollow words.

“Excuse me?” I ask, wilting slightly.

“Did the words in that book make you feel brave? Make you think . . . you were better? Equal? Did they make you want to talk back?”

I shake my head, but inside, my heart is racing. How do they know how those poems affected us? “No, Mr. Petrov,” I say. “They were just words. I didn’t even understand them. The other girls didn’t even read them!”

He hums out a sound, running his eyes around the room. “Words create rebellions,” he says. “Better I crush yours right now before you hurt the other girls. Before you try to convince them with lies.”

I’m scared. I don’t know what he’s going to do to me, and I turn back to Sydney, I see her eyes brimming with tears.

“Who gave you this book?” he demands.

“I found it in Lennon Rose’s room,” I say. “I swear. I wouldn’t lie to you.”

“Who gave you this book?” he asks, louder. Brynn jumps from the sound, and he drags his eyes over her. Mr. Petrov nods to Guardian Bose.

The Guardian stomps over to grab Brynn by the collar of her shirt, hauling her to her feet violently. Several girls gasp. Marcella begs him to stop.

“Who gave you this book?” Mr. Petrov asks me again, his threat to Brynn obvious.

I don’t know what to say. I’m not even sure what lie will help protect the other girls. And then suddenly, Valentine stands up.

“I did,” she says simply. “I gave the book to Lennon Rose. Mena must have found it there.”

“Ah, there we go,” Mr. Petrov says. He waves the Guardian toward her. “I believe Dr. Groger would like a word with Valentine Wright.”

The Guardian pushes Brynn down in her seat—she folds in on herself, still in shock from being mishandled.

The Guardian walks to Valentine’s table. Slowly, as if completely unbothered, she smiles at him politely.

“Time’s up, sweetheart,” Guardian Bose says. “Time to go visit the lab.”

I quickly look back at Marcella, who confirms it’s the locked room in the basement.

Valentine nods, stepping away from the table to follow the Guardian out. Her eyes slide to mine with a wave of panic. She told me that the next time they thought she needed impulse control therapy, they would kill her.

“Valentine,” I call, breathless in my terror. She looks away from me because there’s nothing I can say. There’s nothing I can do. I would just endanger us all, like I already have with the book.