For Real(7)

“Besides himself? I have no idea. I met the guy for three seconds, and that was three seconds too long. You should have seen him gazing at his own reflection in the window. It was nauseating. And I literally saw him sign a cocktail napkin, tuck it in some girl’s bra, and tell her it would be worth a ton someday.”

“Okay, so he’s an egotistical fame whore. We can work with that.” Natalie chews meditatively on her coffee stirrer. “Miranda has a finished novel, right? Would it piss him off if she got published before he accomplished anything big? If she got famous first?”

“Yeah, absolutely. But she’s been trying to sell that book for a year already. She’s gotten enough rejections to decoupage her entire kitchen table.”

“What’s the book about?”

I stuff some muffin into my mouth as I try to remember exactly how I’ve heard Miranda describe it. “It’s a ‘lyrical exploration of love, loss, and coming of age in a 1930s West Virginia coal-mining town.’ ”

Natalie bursts out laughing. “Ooh, nice one. That’s funny. But seriously, what’s it about?” Then she sees the expression on my face, and her smile collapses. “Oh. You’re not— Oh.”

“But you can help her, right? You have publishing connections now.”

She snorts. “An unpaid internship is not ‘connections.’ ”

“Fine, so we’ll get her famous some other way. She’s good at lots of stuff, right? Help me out here. How do people get famous really fast?”

We gaze idly at the TV as we think. On the screen, twenty-four-year-old Jakarta dumps an armful of pregnancy tests onto the drugstore checkout counter. The mountainous woman behind the register looks totally unfazed as she slides them over the scanner one by one, painfully slowly. A voiceover informs us that if Jakarta wins the $200,000 prize for getting pregnant first, she’s going to open a combined dog and human salon called Primp My Pooch, where pets and their owners can be groomed to match.

“If I needed instant fame,” Natalie says slowly, “I’d do that.” She nods toward the television.

“What, buy a bunch of pregnancy tests?”

“Go on a reality show. Those people are household names, and they don’t even have any skills.”

It’s brilliant—I can’t believe I didn’t think of it first. And aside from the fact that my sister’s not exactly a fan of reality TV, she’s perfect for the screen. She’s beautiful, she’s personable, and she’s good at almost everything. Plus, she has some nice messy emotional baggage, which is like peanut butter in a mousetrap for producers.

“Natalie Phan, you are a genius,” I say.

“I know.” Nat reaches around and gives herself a pat on the back.

“No, you don’t even know how perfect that is. Last night, Miranda told me that Samir’s going to be on LifeLine’s new race-around-the-world show. He’d go crazy if Miranda got on some other show and stayed in the game longer than he did.”

“Oh my God, yes. I love this.” Natalie grabs her phone. “Let’s see who’s casting right now.”

“Miranda will never go for it, though. She thinks reality TV is, like, the entertainment equivalent of eating Twinkies.”

Nat looks puzzled. “Twinkies are delicious.”

“And this is why you’re my friend. But Miranda’s more of a crème br?lée girl.”

“Let’s just look, okay?” Her eyebrows scrunch together as she scrolls. “Okay, she’s not a lesbian looking for love. She’s not a single man who wants to lose fifty pounds. She’s not a trained bounty hunter, as far as I know. Ooh, how about Catwalk, the definitive pet fashion show? I’ve seen her make amazing Halloween costumes for Chester and Otto.”

“I’m not sure dressing up the cats on national television is the best way to prove she’s cooler than Samir.”

“Valid point.” Natalie’s quiet for a minute. “How about Hive Mind? ‘Contestants live together in a house and compete in cooperative challenges against groups of social animals, including meerkats and hyenas.’ ”

I wrinkle my nose. “I don’t really think that’s her style.”

“A bunch of these are team shows, like Jack of All Trades and Oregon Trailblazers. How about—” Her eyes suddenly widen. “Oh my God, Claire. Look.”

She passes her phone over. The text on the screen reads,

Ruby Harris Casting, in association with LifeLine TV, is holding emergency casting calls in New York City and Los Angeles this Saturday, June 8. We are seeking two last-minute replacement teams for Around the World, a new race-around-the-globe show to air during prime time. If you’re unmarried, between the ages of 18 and 35, and want to challenge yourself physically and mentally while competing for a million dollars, we want to see you there!

My jaw nearly hits the floor. “You’ve got to be kidding me.”

“This has to be it, right? The show Samir’s on?”

“I don’t know what it’s called, but she said ‘some race-around-the-world show on LifeLine.’ There can’t possibly be two of them.”

“It’s a sign,” Nat says. “The universe is trying to tell us that she has to audition for this show.”