Fearless (Nameless #3)(38)
He and Commander Laden were the same. The revelation struck Gryphon like a boulder to the chest.
“Is everything all right?”
Gryphon looked up, surprised to meet the heavily hooded eyes of Commander Laden. Stubble cast an unruly salt-and-pepper blanket over the lower half of his face. He stood tall and proud, like any Ram warrior. But there was something different about him, an invisible burden Gryphon couldn’t quite define. The mark of a man who understood pain.
“Walk with me,” Laden commanded when Gryphon didn’t respond.
The smell of roasting game and body odor wafted in the faint breeze as they weaved through the campfires. Men stood at attention as Commander Laden walked past with his hands clasped behind his back. If he noticed the gesture, it didn’t show. Laden was the type of man who only looked forward.
Gryphon paused when they reached the Commander’s tent, but Laden just kept walking. Jogging to catch up, Gryphon let the older Ram lead him out of the camp and into a thicket of young trees. The nighttime song of crickets filled the silence between them.
“How are your forty?” Laden asked conversationally, as he settled to the ground using a tree trunk for a backrest.
“Sloppy. Weak … ” Gryphon ran a hand through his hair. “They don’t stand a chance against a trained Ram mess unit.”
Laden glanced up into the enormous sky. “Look at those stars, Gryphon.” He sighed, never pulling his eyes from the heavens. “Makes a man feel his own insignificance.”
Gryphon didn’t look up. There was too much on his mind to think about stars. “Sir?”
Laden lifted a hand. “You want to know why I left. Don’t you?”
This is what Gryphon liked most about the Commander: he seemed to know Gryphon’s thoughts better than even he did at times. “Yes, sir. If you don’t mind.”
Laden rubbed his young beard, the coarse sound loud in the stillness of the night. “My wife had a difficult first pregnancy. She gave birth to a healthy baby boy. Every Ram father’s dream.” Laden smiled, but the expression slowly slipped off his face, like a raindrop weighing down a leaf.
“We didn’t know there was another baby. The healers weren’t in the room to help.” Laden looked up at the night, but this time Gryphon could tell he wasn’t really seeing the stars. “The cord was wrapped around her neck three times. My little girl couldn’t get the air she needed because I lacked the skill to deliver her. I could tell that something was wrong after the first few weeks of her life. By the time she was six months old it was obvious she wouldn’t pass another inspection.” Ram children were constantly monitored to insure only the strongest children grew into adulthood.
He looked at Gryphon and frowned. “We named her Adelpha. She was beautiful.”
“What became of her?” Gryphon gulped, thinking of Ajax’s infant son.
“My wife’s heart broke when she realized our daughter had suffered damage to her brain. She gave up. I think in her eyes, Adel had died already.”
Laden crumpled a pinecone in his hand. “But Adel was our daughter. I refused to hand her over to Ram authorities. She wasn’t perfect according to clan standards, but she was perfect to me.”
Gryphon tried to imagine what it must have been like to know the society he’d served would kill his own child. He couldn’t comprehend the pain. “So you took her away.”
Laden cleared his throat. His hands shook as he wiped pinecone chips from his palms. “I left my wife and boy to save my little girl. I carried her out in a travel pack while leaving for an excursion with my mess. I gave her honeycomb so she wouldn’t cry. A few of my brothers knew of my plans. They helped me conceal the child until I could sneak away. I went straight to the Wolves because I knew they had the best healers. I hoped they could do something for my little girl, even though I was a Ram.”
“How did you two survive the journey?”
“We almost didn’t. A pack of Wolves attacked us ten miles outside of their stronghold. I had Adel in a harness so I could easily carry her on my back while we traveled. I just had time to set her off the trail before they attacked.” He pointed to the scars lining his face—the scars he’d hidden behind for years. “The Wolves brought me within an inch of death before they heard my daughter’s cry. They took us to their healers. That is how I met Zo’s mother.”
Gryphon couldn’t believe the irony. “Zo’s mother saved your life.”
“And you saved her daughter inside the Gate. A life for a life. The universe always manages to find balance.”
“What ever became of Adel? Does she still live with the Wolves?”
Laden broke a thick stick over his knee. For the first time since Gryphon had known him, he looked wild and out of control. “She was killed in the same raid that killed Zo’s parents five years ago. It seems Adel was destined to die by the hands of a Ram.”
Gryphon was a statue again, even more so now, because he couldn’t breathe. “I’m sorry,” he managed.
“That’s when I formed the Allies. I am a traitor. And proud to be one.”
Gryphon didn’t know how to respond to such an enormous admission. Words couldn’t offer any balm to the pain of Laden’s past, so Gryphon didn’t speak. He just sat looking at the night sky with Laden, searching for answers that would not come.