Fallen Academy: Year Two (Fallen Academy #2)(56)

“Wrong,” he admonished. “You are in control, always. You just need to work on a few things.”

I groaned. “Like what?”

Raphael gave me one of his loving looks, the one that usually preceded some hard-to-hear advice.

“That dark magic you house, dies out quickly in the presence of Celestial light, which you are consumed with.”

I chewed my bottom lip, my heart thumping wildly. It reminded me of what Michael had said, that I had the brightest light he’d ever seen in a human, but that the darkness was akin to a moth being attracted to a flame. “Then why is my dark magic still… alive and well?”

If it couldn’t be sustained in the presence of the Celestial light, then what the hell?

Raphael looked up at me sadly. “Because you constantly feed it with resentment and anger. So much resentment, it’s making you sick. It’s feeding the powers you inherited from the Dark Prince,” Raphael stated, staring at my chest like some alien was about to pop out.

I frowned. “Resentment at wh—”

“Me, for not healing your father. The world. Angel City. God. Everyone who let you down, and let your father die.”

Raphael’s words ripped open my chest, a physical pain pinched my heart, and I gasped. Tears started to trickle down my cheeks as every repressed emotion I’d held bubbled to the surface.

“Why didn’t you?” I shouted suddenly. “You’re the archangel of fucking Healing, and you didn’t even touch him!”

My words turned to short sobs and I realized how badly I’d wanted to ask him. He was there in the hospital when my father had been undergoing the initial tests. He was always at the hospitals, praying for people and trying to comfort them, but not once had I heard of him healing anyone.

Raphael looked at the floor. “For purely selfish reasons. If I heal anyone in a miraculous way, I can’t go home.” The way he said home was heartbreaking, like he longed so much to go back to where he came from. Mr. Claymore had alluded to something similar, but to hear Raphael say it was crazy.

I sank back farther into the couch.

“What?” That was asinine. Once again, I wanted to inform him that he was the Archangel of Healing. How could he carry that title if he never actually healed anyone?

Raph shook his wings a little, as if shaking off old memories. “It is my penance for starting the fallen war.” His voice was so soft I wasn’t sure I’d heard him right.

“Wait… y-you started the war?” Now I was sitting forward so far, I was afraid I might fall off. “I heard in fallen history class that Lucifer tried to break into Heaven with his demons, and you and the other angels met them halfway, stopping them.”

Raphael nodded. “Partly true. Lucifer first came to Earth with his demons, and started to terrorize the humans. I… left my home without permission and intervened. Against free will.”

My mouth popped open. Free will was super important to the four archangels. The way Raphael said it made it sound like he’d committed a heinous crime.

I was enthralled. “Then what happened?”

Raphael ran a hand through his hair. “My best friends followed me down here, and fought by my side, thus starting the fallen war.”

Whoa. “But if you hadn’t come down here, humanity would be completely enslaved by Lucifer!”

Raphael arched one eyebrow slightly, like maybe that wasn’t the truth. “Lucifer was once my friend. Did you know that?” he asked me.

Now that did shock me. “I knew he was an angel too once.”

Raph nodded, staring out the window, seemingly lost in old times. “I should not have robbed humanity of the spiritual development they would gain from fighting Lucifer on their own, for they are more than capable.”

His words gave me chills. Humans? They’re the weakest race alive.

“No. They’re not weak.”

Freaking mind reader.

“But you were helping!” I defended him.

He sighed. “Part of me was helping, but part of me wanted to get back at my old friend for leaving. Show him how powerful I was, how capable of protecting the humans I was. I fought out of anger and resentment.”

“Oh.” I sat back. Yikes, that didn’t sound good. It sounded quite familiar, actually.

He shook his head. “And so to prove his power, instead of the dozen or so demons he’d brought up to Earth that night, Lucifer unleashed thousands, and we fought. We infected humanity, and it was all my fault.”

I slid off the couch and knelt before the fallen angel. His whole body was sunken in, his expression defeated.

Grasping his hands, I looked into his deep blue eyes. “I forgive you.” Those words seemed to unlock something in my chest, and a sob racked me from head to toe. “For my dad, for the war, for all of it. I forgive you.”

His face contorted as he seemingly held back tears. Then the angel’s arms came up and embraced me in a hug. I suddenly felt lighter, as if a fifty-pound weight I’d been carrying all this time, had finally fallen off.

When we pulled back, I saw we were both crying. I laughed and wiped my eyes. “I have so many more questions, so many things I don’t understand.”

Like if the other side, or Heaven, was so great, then why did they come here at all?

Raphael chuckled. “There is nothing I could say to answer those questions that your earthly mind would understand fully. It’s hard to comprehend on this side of the veil.”