Empire High Betrayal(98)

“It’s okay,” I said. It wasn’t. I forgave James and Rob for the prank. I did. But what they’d roped Brooklyn into doing had set me off. That prank caused me to say those terrible things to Brooklyn. My last fucking words to her.

So I hated James.

I hated Rob.

But I hated myself the most.

Rob sat down next to me. “I feel awful. I should have told her about the rest of the prank. She was so mad at me. I never meant to upset her. I thought…I don’t know what I thought. Well, I thought she’d think it was funny. But she wasn’t laughing. And I hate that she was mad at me at the end.”

James nodded. “That look on her face after you left, Matt. She was so mad at us. I felt awful. I never meant to hurt her. I really liked her. She was perfect. For you. She was perfect for you. And I’m really sorry that I interfered at all. I never should have flirted with your girl. I’m just…I’m really fucking sorry, Matt.”

I looked down at my shoes. I couldn’t even look at him. I’d been waiting for him to apologize to me. But the wound felt too fresh. He’d flirted with her brazenly right in front of me. Like it was all a game. Nothing felt like a game anymore. “It’s okay,” I finally said. It wasn’t. But I didn’t have the energy to hold a grudge right now. I just needed my friend back.

“I told her not to follow you after the prank,” Mason said. “I was so cold to her.” He grabbed a tissue out of his pocket. “I feel like a dick.”

“You guys have nothing to feel guilty about,” I said. I was the one that was guilty. Not them. She’d relied on me. I was the one that let her down.

“Do you want to talk about it?” James asked.

I shook my head.

“Maybe another time? You guys could come over later. Like old times.” He smiled, but I could tell it was forced. There was no going back to old times now that Brooklyn was gone. And we all knew it.

“I can’t talk about it.” I couldn’t voice what I’d done. My horrible last words to her. Saying it out loud would make it feel more real. I hated that she thought I hated her. I hated that I’d let her down.

They all waited like they thought I’d change my mind.

“I can’t, you guys.”

“Okay,” Rob said. “Then we won’t talk about it.” He put his hand out. “Let’s all promise to never talk about her again. Not until Matt’s ready to.”

“Yeah.” James put his hand on top of Rob’s. “We all fucked up.”

Mason put his hand on top of James’. “If we hadn’t been fighting, there wouldn’t have been a prank. And we never would have said those things to her.” He shook his head like he felt guilty too.

I just stared at the three of their hands. They could feel bad about how they’d treated her, but they’d never feel as guilty as I did. And maybe they could just turn off a switch and never think of her again, but I couldn’t. I loved her.

“So we won’t talk about her until Matt’s ready?” Rob asked.

Mason nodded.

James looked like he was going to start crying again. “Yeah.”

They all turned to me. Maybe it would help them not to talk about her. But it wouldn’t help me. It wasn’t that I didn’t want to. I just…couldn’t. I couldn’t talk about her without falling apart. I placed my hand on top of theirs anyway though. Because it was what Brooklyn would have wanted. She’d been trying to fix us. This was the first time we’d talked in weeks. She’d want this.

“Friends again?” Rob asked.

I hated them. But I nodded. I’d pretend to be their friend until I could actually be their friend again. Maybe once I could forgive them for making Brooklyn think I hated her before she died. Maybe once I forgave myself.

“Friends on three,” James said with a smile.

I shook my head and threw my hand up when they did. I watched Rob and Mason walk back into the church.

“I really am sorry,” James said. “She was a great girl.”

“I thought we weren’t supposed to talk about her.”

He nodded. “For now. But whenever you’re ready to talk about her again, I’m here.”

I wouldn’t be taking him up on his offer. It wasn’t that I just blamed him in part for the horrible last words I ever spoke to Brooklyn. He’d also robbed time from us. His girlfriend had kissed me. Not the other way around. And I’d tried to keep the secret to protect him. Because I was fucking worried that he’d take his own life. But he was still standing here breathing. And Brooklyn was dead.

I’d wasted weeks of my time with her, keeping her a secret, hurting her feelings…because of my loyalty to him. So he couldn’t fucking stand here and tell me he was here for me. I was the one who had been there for him. Not the other way around. James wasn’t my friend.

“I really am sorry,” he said.

I knew he meant it. And I knew that Brooklyn wanted me to forgive him. Fuck. I took a deep breath. I had to let it go. I knew he was sorry. And honestly? I was sorry too. I was sorry I hadn’t told him right away when Rachel had kissed me. I was sorry that we’d stopped being friends in the first place. Brooklyn was right. I couldn’t just cut him out so easily. James was like a brother to me.