Emerge: The Captive: (Book 3)(19)

I’m a monster. He lay on the floor with his face buried in his hands, too ashamed to even look at Santi.

“Muévete, Quinn. We have to go.”

Quinn managed to get to his feet and followed Santi down the hall. Her aura flickered with a golden light. Dim, but unmistakably there. She was using what little bit of her power she could to help Lennox, murmuring words of comfort.

“You’ll be fine, kiddo. You’re tough as nails.”

The sound of Livia beating the hell out of a punching bag in the gym echoed across the silent penthouse. Quinn was just glad her fury was focused somewhere else for the moment. He didn’t understand her reaction at all. He’d given her exactly what she wanted and now she was furious with him for what he’d done to Lennox.

I’m okay. Lennox’s little voice was so weak and distant, but the kid was strong. She’d withstood more than a lot of people could. It spoke volumes about what she’d probably been through in her time at Soma. He wanted to go to her, to protect her, but he’d done this to her.

I’m okay.

No you aren’t. But she couldn’t seem to hear him.

Quinn dragged himself into the living room, every muscle screaming in protest. The fire in his core had finally grown cold as ice, leaving him weak and dizzy. He wanted to die. He would rather die a thousand deaths than to ever see a child hurt the way Lennox was—at his hand.

Not your fault.

“Will she be okay?” Quinn asked, his words crunching like gravel in his throat.

“She’ll be fine. Len’s tougher than she looks.” Santi gestured for him to open the door, where Ryan waited in the vestibule to take Lennox off her hands.

Quinn hung his head. He’d fallen into a spiral of self-loathing and guilt like he’d never experienced before. He was still reeling from the sensation of so much time lost. Five years of memories that had never actually happened. Five years of hell he’d fought to survive, and it was all a joke.

“Come with me,” Santi said as she closed the door behind Ryan. “Livia’s furious, so we’re going to lay low tonight. She’ll be in the gym for hours before she retreats to her study for the night.”

“Why is she so angry? I … I gave her what she wanted.”

“No you didn’t. She wanted you to refuse to hurt Lennox. And she was going to demand your total submission and loyalty in exchange. I don’t think she realized it was going to go that far. That you would call her bluff like that. She’s mad at herself. Not you. Look at me, Quinn,” Santi said softly.

He had trouble lifting his gaze to meet hers. He was so ashamed. He hadn’t called Livia’s bluff. He’d done what he wanted. Even now his gift hungered for more.

“Look at me.” She lifted his chin with her fingertips. “That was not your fault.”

He shook his head, the movement making him dizzy.

“Come on, big guy, I got you.” Her slender arm wrapped around his waist, guiding him across the cool marble tile. “You’ve had enough for one day. It’s time you rest.”

Every inch of Livia’s home was cold and hard, but not Santi. How had she managed to survive this place all these years?

“Not years,” he mumbled.

“You’ll struggle with that for a long time, but it will get better as more time passes. Let’s get you cleaned up. You’re a mess and you stink.” She wrinkled her nose at him and he winced. When was the last time he had a shower? Weeks? Had it been a month?

“Hey,” she said. “Remember what I told you before? It’s not been as long as it feels.”

“Right. What year is it again?”

“You haven’t lost that much time, Quinn.” She guided him into the enormous bathroom and helped him down to a plush covered bench at the center of the room, opposite the biggest tub he’d ever seen.

“You remember the night we met? When you first arrived at Soma?” She turned the tub faucets on and poured something medicinal into the water.

He nodded. It seemed like a lifetime since that night. He stared blankly at his surroundings, taking in the white-tiled bathroom—the sound of the water rushing into the tub. The warmth of the steam rising. Everything was so white it reminded him of that awful white room. He’d spent so much time there before.

“What is it with all the white in this place?”

“Look at me, Quinnton.” She gripped his chin, forcing him to look into her green-amber eyes. “That was less than three months ago. Today. What happened with Lennox, that was just a few hours. You have to get past the time screw. They aren’t going to wait for you to catch up.”

“Three months. We talked today.” Quinn nodded. He didn’t trust anything about this place or his memories of it. But he trusted Santi. She was his lifeline right now.

“Michael’s gift is psychological. He can trap you in the most frightening, awful places and make you think you’ve been there for weeks when it’s only been hours. That’s the way they get most of their captives to sign over their lives to Soma. When you come out of it and realize time has not passed the way it seems—that it’s only just begun—it does something to most. Livia was so angry when you made it through without even cracking. That’s why she did this to Lennox. She was punishing you for making her have to work for it.”