Elite (Empire High, #2)(11)

If Matt wasn’t here, I knew what I’d probably do. I’d cry big ugly tears. I’d sit on my uncle’s grave and have a conversation with him, like I so often did at my mom’s gravesite. I’d cry some more. I’d pray to go back in time. And most importantly, I’d tell him I was sorry that he gave up his last several weeks on earth to take care of me. I owed him everything.

But Matt was here. So I didn’t do any of those things. Instead, I just stared. I stared at the gravestone and tried to tell myself to hold it together. But in the end the grief won. I wasn’t strong enough to hold it in. I missed my uncle. I missed him so fucking much. And I regretted that the whole time my uncle was here with me, I’d been missing my mom instead of appreciating him. He’d never know how grateful I was that he’d taken me in when I didn’t have anyone else. He’d never know.

Instead of saying a word, Matt just held me so I wouldn’t fall. He let me cry all over his school blazer. I was pretty sure some snot got on there too, but he didn’t even flinch. When I’d sat on my mother’s grave, I had never felt so alone in my life. I expected the same thing to happen right now. But it didn’t. Because I wasn’t alone. I had Matt.

I closed my eyes hard and tried to stop the tears from falling. And my thoughts latched on to the first distraction, even though it wasn’t a great one. My mother didn’t want me to know who my father was. My uncle wanted to keep me from it too. Even Mrs. Alcaraz wanted to protect me from whatever went on under the Pruitts’ roof. Standing there on top of the dirt I was devastated. I couldn’t even stop the tears streaming down my cheeks. But mostly? I was terrified. Because I didn’t know why I needed protection from my own father. I knew his daughter was cold and cruel. It was likely Mr. Pruitt was those things too. But what if it was something worse?

Right now the only thing that felt worse, though, was knowing what moving in with the Pruitts would mean. It would force me to see Matt even less. There would be no late-night sneaking into my bedroom. Or coming over for dinner. I’d be living with Isabella…the one person that wouldn’t allow our relationship. She’d take Matt away from me for good. And he was the only thing holding me together.

But there was nothing to say. Matt knew it too. He was doing everything he could to fix it. So I just had to wait. But I’d never been good at that. I’d never been good at wasting time. Because time was the only thing that was limited.

I started to cry harder. I cried for my uncle. I cried for my mother. And I cried for myself too. Because it was then that I realized that I had been wasting time. I’d been taking life for granted. The one thing I knew for sure I couldn’t. I’d wasted away the time I had with my uncle. My last real home. My last real semblance of normal. It was gone before I ever really got a chance to appreciate it. And now I had to spend all my foreseeable time with a family I hated. A family who might have secrets worse than their cruelty. A family everyone who loved me tried to protect me from.

“He knew that you loved him,” Matt said and kissed the top of my head. “He knew.”

I was too embarrassed to tell him that I was mostly crying because I was scared.





Chapter 5


Friday

Felix was great at making me laugh. But the thought of going to gym and running when all I wanted to do was curl up in a ball and cry made me actually feel ill. Besides, I didn’t need anyone else staring at me with concern. Kennedy kept poking me during English and asking if I was okay. And I was tired of putting on a smile and lying. I wasn’t okay. I wasn’t even a little bit okay. I couldn’t focus in class. I couldn’t stop thinking about what would happen after school today. I felt paralyzed.

The nurse smiled at me when I made my way into her office. “Oh my, your face is so pale. Tell me what hurts.”

“It’s just cramps,” I said and sat down on one of the beds. It was the second time I’d come in here with the lie. Eventually she’d have to catch on. But I just hoped she wouldn’t today. I made a show of lying down as I clutched my stomach. Please let me stay here for the rest of the day. Scratch that. The rest of the year would be preferable. Maybe I could just sleep here too. It would be better than living with the Pruitts.

She nodded at me, but this time she didn’t hand me a Midol or a glass of water. “Cramps again?” she asked.

Apparently the gig of fake periods was up. I didn’t even know what to say. I didn’t have enough energy to continue with the lie or make up a new one. So I just lay there and tried not to cry. Maybe she’d think I was depressed and just leave me alone. But I had no such luck.

She sat down on the bed next to me. “Your uncle was a great man.”

Did she think this was going to help me? I closed my eyes tight, trying to keep the tears at bay.

“I think that maybe a visit to the counselor might be better than camping out here. I can write you a note if you want.”

I kept my eyes closed. “I just need a few minutes,” I said. “Then I’ll go back to class, I promise.”

She patted my shin. “Okay, dear. A nap always makes me feel better too.”

The mattress shifted when she stood up. And I waited until I heard her typing on her computer before I let myself cry as silently as I could.

***

When she patted my shin again, I jolted awake. A few minutes had definitely turned into a lot more. My stomach growled and she smiled.