Counting by 7s(65)

I close my eyes.

And finally, as I drift back to sleep, the screen of my mind fills with hummingbirds.

They understand the importance of motion.



I wake up a few hours later and have no idea where I am.

It takes a moment (which feels like eternity but is in reality less than a second) to process that I’m in the bathroom, and that I won’t live at the Gardens of Glenwood after today.

That’s the thing about time.

A second can feel like forever if what follows is heartbreak.



I am very, very tired, but I take a shower and wash my hair.

I let it dry the way it wants to, which is in a mass of dark curls.

I’m not pulling it back or putting it in a braid or getting it under control.

It is what it is.

I am what I am.

I put on my old gardening outfit.

I put the acorn that Mai gave me into my pocket.

Maybe it will be lucky. I’ve gotten this far. That says something.

I’m not going to wear my red hat, because I’ll be indoors.

But I will carry it with me because red is a lucky color, and very important in the natural world.



It is business as usual at breakfast.

I take a banana, which is covered in brown spots.

It looks like the skin of a giraffe.

I wish that I were old enough to just go live in the Amazon and study the plants there, because it is possible that one of them holds the key to the cure for cancer.

But the obstacles are insurmountable.

I don’t even have a passport.

We are trying to eat when Dell comes down the hall earlier than usual.

He and Pattie say they are getting something from the car and they go to the carport.

I’m certain that they are talking about my situation.

They come back up after a few minutes and only say that we have to leave or Mai will be late for the first bell.

I ask Pattie what will happen at the hearing.

She says that I shouldn’t worry.

I don’t think this is much of an answer.

Who wouldn’t be worried?

But what’s worse is I know her now. I spend a big part of every day with her. And so I can see by the expression on her face that she’s worried too.



Mai wants to go to the hearing in the courthouse this afternoon.

I say to her:

“You don’t have to be there. You’re supposed to be in school. I’m ready for this now. I’m stronger.”

And then I get up and go to the bathroom.

Only minutes later, Lenore arrives.

Pattie says that this isn’t good-bye.

It’s

That means “see you later.”

I say:

“Yes. I will see you all later.”

I’ve got to get out of here before there is too much drama.

I hug Mai and I try to be brave, mostly because she’s falling apart for the two of us.

She’s always the toughest person in the room, but with me leaving, her armor cracks.

I hug Dell and then I hug Pattie. I give Quang-ha a nod.

Then I turn to Cheddar.

He’s sitting on the back of the couch and he’s watching. I was going to go say good-bye to him. That was my plan. But now I can’t do that.

I turn away.

And I hear the bell on his collar ring.

The only thing I can think to say is:

“Please water the plants in the courtyard. Especially the pittosporum. I’ll be over to check on the garden as soon as I can.”

I hear Mai heading out of the room, moving down the hallway. She can’t take it.

I turn back just before I leave the apartment. Cheddar is under the speckles of colored light from the broken glass on the rooftop.

It makes his face all wobbly.

Or maybe it’s just what he looks like through tears.



I climb into Lenore’s car and I look up at the building.

I see Cheddar now in the window.

I whisper:

“Good-bye.”

I did not say good-bye to my mom or my dad. I never got to do that. They were here and then they were gone.

Does saying good-bye matter?

Does it really end something?

I didn’t hug them that morning when I left to go to school.

That’s why I don’t want to go back there.

I can handle the other kids and the teachers and everything about it but the memory.

I can’t be in that place, because every time I allow myself to think about my last day there, I fall apart. I break loose from this world.

I fly into a million pieces.



I am worried about Quang-ha.

I know that he has lots of homework this week. I hope that he at least attempts to do some of it.

And then there is Dell. Will he go back to putting things in closets? Will he return to staring out the window and waiting for his life to begin?

Will Pattie keep working so hard? I know for a fact that those fumes from the nail polish are bad for her.

I realize now that I’m worrying about all of them.

It’s better than worrying about myself.

This is one of the secrets that I have learned in the last few months.

When you care about other people, it takes the spotlight off your own drama.





Chapter 58