Clanless (Nameless #2)(26)

Tess must have recognized several of the children, because she ran out to greet them with giant hugs.

“I can’t believe we actually did it,” Zo said, mainly to herself. She turned to share her joy with Eva and found the girl frozen in place with her hands pressed firmly against her stomach, the wind pulling her short hair a hundred different directions. “I don’t see him.” Her voice was small, not matching her usual roar.

The odds of Stone escaping Ram’s Gate were poor at best. He was the leader of the rebellion. He would have stayed to fight, providing time for as many Nameless to flee as possible.

Zo rested a hand on Eva’s shoulder, but the Ram girl shrugged it off. “Don’t pity me,” she hissed. “I don’t need it.”

Color had left Eva’s face and she swayed on her feet. This girl gave up her whole life for Stone, carried his child, and left her family for this crazy man. Zo understood Eva’s loss and had to chew on the inside of her cheek to keep her composure.

Zo took hold of her wrist, and this time Eva didn’t resist. Zo whispered a blessing of hope and peace then dropped her hand to give Eva the room she needed to grieve.

The blessing did nothing. Zo was still too empty to offer a proper healing. But at least she’d tried.

Then someone shouted on the opposite side of the camp. “Guess what we found!”

Zo and Eva startled at the burly voice. The owner was tall, with a dark, shaved head. He wore a leather vest, leaving his muscled arms exposed to the cold. He held an unconscious man over his shoulder. Judging by the limp man’s fur-lined boots and boiled leather armor, Zo had to assume it was the second Ram scout.

“Stone,” Eva staggered in his direction, but fell after only two steps. She pushed herself back up to her feet—this time with more control over her limbs—and sprinted toward Stone.

The Nameless leader didn’t see her among the crowd of people who came to greet him. He dropped the Ram onto the ground with an unceremonious bump. Then he rolled out his shoulders while laughing at something another man said. Eva was halfway to him when—as if there were some invisible line that existed between them—he turned and spotted her across the clearing.

“Move!” Stone ordered. He nearly trampled a man, dividing the crowd with his big arms. He sprinted toward Eva, as though running from his own death.

Zo held her breath, gripping Joshua’s sleeve for support as the lovers reached for each other. When Stone pulled Eva into his arms, he sank to his knees and held her close. Stone openly wept while kissing every inch of her face, cupping her cheeks with his calloused hands. In between kisses, he whispered words only Eva could hear. His hand moved to her stomach in such a tender way that Zo had to close her eyes to block the pain that accompanied the joy of seeing at least someone’s world put to rights.

She ached with jealousy, and the imagined life of raising sheep and growing vegetables with Gabe wasn’t enough. Because no matter how hard she tried, she couldn’t will herself to see Gabe the way Stone saw Eva.

She covered her mouth to quell the sob that erupted from somewhere deep within and ran from the clearing so as not to mar Eva and Stone’s reunion. She dropped to the ground, surrounded by the cover of two large trees, ashamed she hadn’t the courage to face Eva and Stone. She really was happy for them; her pain just seemed so much easier to endure when she’d had Eva to share it.

The idea that other people would move on after Gryphon’s passing—that they would find love, make children, become a family—was too difficult to imagine when it wasn’t possible for her.

I’m so selfish.

“Zo?” Joshua peeked around a tree. His fists were tight and swayed at his sides in an uncomfortable manner. His gaze shifted between Zo and the ground, as if seeing her cry was like Zo seeing Eva and Stone in the clearing. “I’m sorry for what I said.” He cleared his throat to keep his voice from jumping between bass and tenor. “I know you were trying to do the right thing by coming here.” And then all fidgeting left him, and he dropped to his knees next to her. “I know you miss him, too.”

Zo wiped at her running nose and watery eyes. “I’m a mess, Ginger.” She ruffled his hair and yanked him into a hug that made them both fall.

When they sat up Joshua pulled a soggy leaf out of Zo’s hair and she returned the favor. “Do you love him?” He tilted his head to one side like he used to do when Gryphon gave him instruction. His listening face.

Zo smiled and plucked another leaf from Joshua’s hair. “I don’t know. I didn’t have a chance to find out.”

And I never will, she thought.

“We should go back.” She climbed to her feet and pulled Joshua up with her. “I have a feeling Stone will want to know what I can tell him about the Allies.”





Chapter 10





The birds around the room flapped their wings. Their little eyes condemned him to an awful death: their shrieking cries rattled his head until he had no other choice but to cover his ears and curl into a ball on the floor. Smoke filled his lungs and burned his vision as the room spun in rapid circles.

He lost his grip on time and space. He was suddenly falling. Up was down, left was right, and somehow he knew there was no way he would survive this terror. The birds shrieked even louder than before. He tried to run but kept colliding with walls. He used his fingernails to scratch at wood and his own face, desperate to peel away the crawl of panic on his skin, feeling certain if he didn’t break free his heart would explode. The smoke pushed him back down to what he hoped was the ground, but even with eyes closed, his head spun. “Someone kill me!” he heard himself scream. He spun faster and faster, his mind fraying into thousands of pieces. Insanity: its own brand of pain.