City of the Lost (Casey Duncan #1)(18)

It’s the day before I’m due to leave. Kurt was released this morning, and he’s ignored the doctor’s orders to go straight to bed. “Had enough of that shit,” he said. We’re in the bar, early afternoon, the place still closed. He’s not due back to work for two days, but he’s prowling about, bitching like Martha Stewart come home to find her mansion in disarray.

“Fucking Larry,” he says, yanking near-empty bottles from the bar. “Doesn’t replace anything until the last drop’s gone, no matter how many times I tell him. You let a bottle run dry, someone’s gonna ask for a shot so they can stick their hand in the till while you’re in the back getting the replacement. And look at the bar. Idiot hasn’t wiped it down since I’ve been gone.” He reaches for a dishrag, then wrinkles his nose. “Is this the same one I left?”

I take it from him, toss it into the laundry bin under the sink, grab a fresh rag, and tell him to restock the bottles.

I clean up, though I suspect no one other than Kurt will even notice. The bar has more rings than a Beverly Hills housewife. It’s a piece of shit, but when Kurt’s here, it’s a spotless piece of shit.

He passes me on his way to the back and catches me around the waist, pulling me into a long, hungry kiss. I haven’t told him I’m taking off, but he senses something’s up.

He’s replacing the last bottle when I say, “I need to leave.”

He stands there, back to me, hand still on the bottle. “And by leave, you mean …”

“Going away. Someplace safe. Someplace”—I inhale—“permanent.”

His hand tightens on the bottle. Still he keeps his back to me, his voice level. “Can I talk you out of it?”

“No.”

He turns then, eyes meeting mine. “What if I—?”

“No.” I walk to him, and I put my hands around his neck, and I kiss him, and I pour everything I’m feeling into that kiss, everything I can’t say. How amazing I think he is. How sorry I am to get him mixed up in this.

For six months, Kurt has been my hookup. The guy I go to for a little companionship, but mostly for sex. He’s been safe. No one I’d ever fall for. But in this last week …

Could we have had something? I don’t know. I won’t think about it. I can’t.

When I pull back, he puts his hand under my chin and searches my gaze.

“You’ll be safe?” he says.

I nod.

A pause. A long one. “And there’s nothing I can say or do—”

“No. Please, no.”

“When’re you going?”

“Tomorrow.”

He swears and pulls back, looking around. Then he says, “Can I have tonight?”

“You can, though I know you’re probably not up to—”

He kisses me, even hungrier now, hands on my ass, pulling me against him. Then he takes my hand and slides it to his crotch.

“Am I up to it?” he asks.

I manage a laugh. “Yes, but that’s not what I meant. The doctor said—”

“That I should stay in bed. Which is exactly what I’m going to do. All night. I’m gonna take you someplace nice, too. Not my shitty apartment.”

“You don’t need to—”

“Too bad. I’m gonna.” He waves to the door. “Go on, then. Do what you gotta do. Come by at seven. Okay?”

I agree, and I leave him there, cleaning up his bar.



Kurt takes me “someplace nice”—a touristy inn outside the city. He’s rented the best room, with a Jacuzzi tub, king-size bed, chocolate-covered strawberries, and cheap champagne. Diana would roll her eyes if I told her, so I won’t. This is ours—our last night together—and it’s damn near perfect.

We finally start to drift off to sleep around four. I’m curled up against him, and I feel him reach for something on the bed stand. He nudges me, and when I open my eyes, he’s holding out a gold chain with a tiny martini glass on the end, an emerald chip for an olive.

“Couldn’t find a shot glass,” he says.

I smile, and he fastens it around my neck.

“Just something to remember me by,” he says.

“I’m not going to forget.”

“Good.”

He kisses me, then presses something else into my hand. I look down. It’s a key to his apartment. He catches my gaze and doesn’t say a word, just nods when he knows he’s said what he needs to say, that his door’s always open. Tears prickle my eyes. I drop my gaze. He pulls me over to him, my head against his chest, and we fall asleep.

I don’t sleep for long. I can’t. I have to leave at six for my flight. So I catnap just enough to let Kurt fall into a deep, exhausted slumber. Then I slip from his grasp and tiptoe to the bathroom, where I stashed my clothing.

Before I go, I leave something for him. A letter. Saying everything I can’t.

In that note, I tell him he’s an amazing guy. That I’ll never forget him. That I’m so glad I met him. I don’t say I’m sorry for what happened—he knows that, and this is about him, not me. I tell him it’s time to stop stashing away his money. Time to quit his job at the docks and go back to college for business, to get a job running a real bar and then someday open his own. That’s his dream, and the only thing holding him back is self-doubt.