City Love(60)
He’s right about this being the balcony. It runs along the entire outside of the living room windows and wraps around to the other side. “This is . . . it’s so beautiful.” I tear my eyes away from the view to look at D. He’s leaning against the balcony railing, staring at me. Something tells me he looks exactly the way I looked while I was overwhelmed by the view.
D moves closer to me. I recognize the intensity in his eyes. It’s the same intensity I saw last night right before he took me aside in the park and kissed me.
He’s going to kiss me again.
Of course I want him to. But if we start kissing, I’m afraid I won’t want to stop. Or I’ll freak out. I haven’t had the chance to think this through. Do I even know what I really want? I don’t know if I’m ready for this. Am I ready to be with a man? For real? This isn’t high school. Donovan is twenty-one. And we’re at his apartment. He’s probably expecting more than just making out. I don’t know how much more I can offer.
There’s what I want to do. There’s what I should do. And then there’s what I’m afraid might happen if I let a man touch me that way. D can’t know about my fear. He can’t know what happened to me.
We’re standing so close I can smell the hazelnut on D’s breath from the drink he had with dessert. His breath catches in his throat as he leans in closer, almost touching his lips to mine.
“I should go,” I say.
He pulls away. “Already? You just got here.”
“I know, but . . . I can’t . . . I’m sorry.”
“Did I do something?”
“No! You’re amazing.”
“Are you sure?”
“Absolutely.”
“Then what’s going on?”
It would be a weight off my shoulders to tell him the truth. Tell him about what happened. Let him into my life in a real way. But I can’t. I’m not ready to face it and I don’t know if I ever will be. “Can we talk about it another time?”
“Whatever you want.” D gives me a sad smile. “I don’t want you to go.”
“Can I come back soon?”
“My door is always open. I mean, not literally. You have to use a key to get in, but—what am I even saying? See how corny I get when you’re leaving?”
We go back inside. Now that I’ve decided I have to go, I really don’t want to. But I already said I should.
“Have I told you how beautiful you look tonight?” D says.
“Are you flattering me so I won’t leave?”
“Yes, but also because it’s true.” D slides his hand down my hair. And just like that, we’re back here again. The way we were out on the balcony with the heat.
I’m trying to pretend I’m not noticing the way he’s looking at me. Trying to pretend I’m not forcing the same look off my face. I turn to the windows, looking out at the sparkly city, lost in a trance again.
D is behind me. I watch his reflection in the window, countless illuminated windows beyond his image, each one hiding its own secrets behind the glass. For a second I think he’s going to try to kiss me again. But he stays behind me, his hands sliding down my arms. His sweet breath on the back of my neck.
How is this happening? When I was saying that I should leave a few minutes ago?
He slowly begins to unzip my dress.
“I can’t do this.” I pull away. “I have to go.”
This time I force myself to leave. Leaving takes way more effort than it should.
TWENTY-EIGHT
SADIE
IF AUSTIN AND I WORKED on the same floor, I would be getting zero work done. Concentrating is hard enough just knowing he’s two floors up. Even though I don’t see him at internship most days, I love knowing that he’s here in the same building. Austin is good at finding excuses to come down and see me. And we stayed late last Friday so I could go up and see his cubicle. We wanted to make out there, but Parker kept lurking.
Tonight is different. Tonight belongs to us.
After the last intern leaves, I take a folder off my desk. I do a loop around the cubicles to make sure everyone’s gone. Then I head for the copy room. My heart races with anticipation. I’m as nervous and jittery as I was on our first date.
Austin is waiting for me in the copy room. He’s reading notices on the bulletin board. He turns when he hears me come in.
“You showed up,” he says.
“I want my prize.” Darcy told me about the bet she lost to Jude and how she has to treat for dinner. That’s how I got the idea for this bet. When Austin was driving me home from New Jersey last night, I bet him that I would make out with him in the copy room. We made plans to stay late tonight.
“Your floor clear?” he asks.
“Yeah. What about upstairs?”
“A few guys are still here. They probably won’t come down, though.”
“Probably?”
“You’re not backing out, are you?”
I saunter over to the copy machine, dropping my folder on top of it with a slap. I get right up in front of Austin.
“Bring it,” I dare.
He looks at me for a second. Then in one swift move, he puts his arms around me and starts kissing me hard.
This strange thing happens with time when I’m making out with Austin. What feels like five minutes could actually be an hour. Or three hours. We can never be sure exactly how much time has passed. But eventually we hear someone talking on the phone out at the cubicles.
Susane Colasanti's Books
- Hell Followed with Us
- The Lesbiana's Guide to Catholic School
- Loveless (Osemanverse #10)
- I Fell in Love with Hope
- Perfectos mentirosos (Perfectos mentirosos #1)
- The Hollow Crown (Kingfountain #4)
- The Silent Shield (Kingfountain #5)
- Fallen Academy: Year Two (Fallen Academy #2)
- The Forsaken Throne (Kingfountain #6)
- Empire High Betrayal