City Love(53)

The conversation has evolved into listing different types of love.

“There’s the instant chemistry, can’t stop thinking about the person, can’t wait to see him again, burning to touch him love.” Darcy.

“There’s the chemistry and connection that’s there from the start, that gets more intense over time and eventually turns into a deeper love.” Me.

“There’s the friends first that suddenly shifts when you look at him one day and see him differently.” Rosanna.

“I know!” I say. “You’re like, When did he get so cute? Was he always this cute and I just never noticed?”

“Or how the marginally cute guy gets cuter every time you see him,” Darcy adds. “What is that? Being so desperate you’ll force yourself to see something that’s not there?”

“I think it’s an underlying attraction that gradually builds up,” Rosanna says. “He has qualities that resonate with you on a certain level, but you’re not fully aware of them yet. Then suddenly things fall into place.”

“Once you start considering a boy as BF material, all bets are off,” Darcy says. “He could be the worst possible boy for you and you don’t even see it.”

“You can’t see any red flags when you’re in it,” I say. “It doesn’t matter how many friends tell you he’s bad for you. They could point out his problems a thousand times and it wouldn’t matter. All you can see are the good parts.”

“Love is blind,” Rosanna says.

“Love is crap,” Darcy declares.

We look at her.

“Not crap,” she says. “Just . . . not the way it should be.”

“It is if you’re with the right person,” I say.

“But how do you know who’s the right person? You think you’re with the right person. You’re totally in love. And then out of nowhere, everything changes. Why put all that time and energy into something that will never last? It’s not worth the effort. Better to go with the flow and have fun.” Darcy fidgets with the sugar caddy. Despite playing it off like she couldn’t care less about love, I can tell she doesn’t completely believe what she’s saying.

“Relationships don’t always end,” I say. “Soul mates are real. True love is real. You just have to believe you’ll find that kind of real love one day.”

“And refuse to settle for less than you deserve,” Rosanna points out.

“Does that mean you should be alone until you find your person?” Darcy asks.

“No. We learn from every relationship we have. How can we be ready for the right relationship without the experience that prepares us for it?”

“Every relationship is an opportunity to learn about ourselves,” I add. “I’m constantly thinking about the kind of boy I want to be with. What’s important to me. What used to be important but doesn’t matter anymore. What my deal breakers are. If you have a clear idea of what you’re looking for, it’s easier to recognize once you find it.”

“We don’t only learn about ourselves from relationships,” Darcy says. “Every interaction we have matters. You can have one amazing night with a boy and learn more about yourself than you would in a long-term relationship.”


The three of us contemplate this in silence. We all had amazing boy adventures tonight. I went to New Jersey with Austin and had that ginormous fireworks non-coincidence. Rosanna went to Cafe Lalo and a movie in Central Park with D. Darcy hooked up with some random boy she’s refusing to talk about. We’re still buzzing like neon from tonight. Our boy adventure wave activity is vibrating at such a high frequency that if you captured the energy at this table, I’m sure you could supply the entire country’s electrical needs for a year. When it comes to boys charging girls up, we’re more powerful than a hurricane.

Rosanna breaks the silence. “Which type of love is better? Or more real? Is true love only about the immediate butterflies? Or does it qualify as true love if you feel the butterflies eventually?”

“First you have to believe in true love,” Darcy mumbles.

“The butterflies have to be there,” I say, brushing off Darcy’s cynicism, “but I don’t think it matters how long it takes to feel them. If you feel them right away, that’s love at first sight.”

“By ‘butterflies,’ do you mean chemistry?”

“Butterflies are more than just attraction. They’re that thing where you can’t eat or sleep or concentrate on anything. All you can think about is the boy. You can’t wait to be with him again. And when you’re with him, you feel alive in a way that you’d always hoped was possible.” That’s exactly the way Austin makes me feel. Alive.

“Kind of the way you feel about Austin?” Rosanna says.

“We see that smile, girl,” Darcy teases. “You’re glowing so bright they need to turn the lighting down up in here to maintain the ambience.”

I jump at the opportunity to talk about Austin some more. “It’s ridiculous how well Austin knows me already. Did I tell you he showed up tonight with pink roses?”

“Awww!” Rosanna swoons. “He’s so romantic!”

“He made the board gaming group so much fun. It would not have been the same if I’d gone by myself. He makes everything way more fun than it normally is. Like walking home along the river. I can’t tell you how many times I took that same walk alone, hoping to walk with Austin someday. It’s like I knew him before I knew him. I imagined what it would be like to walk with him for so long that I almost couldn’t believe it when he was finally right there. Walking with him was the most romantic thing ever. We were those people making out on the street. You know, those people who are so passionate about each other they have to stop in the middle of the sidewalk to kiss? We were those people I’d always wanted to be.”