City Love(36)

My relationship with Austin couldn’t be more different. I’m falling so hard so fast I can’t control my emotions. And controlling my emotions is something I’ve become an expert at over the years. I know how to compartmentalize the pain of what happened when I was seven into the one day a year in Central Park when I allow myself to feel it. But Austin is breaking down my wall. What if I like him way more than he likes me? What if this isn’t going where I think it’s going? Am I strong enough to put myself in a position where I’m helplessly in love with this boy a year from now . . . and he meets someone he likes better? Or he moves away? Or he leaves me for some other reason?

Click-clack. Click-clack. Click-clack.

I really need to chill. Austin seems to like me as much as I like him. He says the most amazing things to me. But I’ve heard of guys saying these kinds of heavier things and then vanishing overnight. From what I’ve heard, the disappearing-boy trick is a common one.

My yarn gets bunched up. I reach down into my knitting bag for the ball of bright orange yarn I’m turning into a giraffe puppet. Knitting all of my Christmas gifts was a good idea, but it means I had to start early. As my needles start click-clacking again, I look around at the older ladies in the circle. People who knit are beyond petty worrying. They have a grasp on the inner peace I try to project but haven’t actually developed yet. Maybe my chances of achieving inner peace will improve the longer I sit here and absorb their energy. And then I’ll never have to care about this kind of stupid boy drama again.





SEVENTEEN

DARCY


AFTER SADIE AND I HAD lunch at Chat ’n Chew, I ran into Jude again on my way to class. He was in between acts, set up in the same spot. He saw me before I saw him. I almost said, “I was just talking about you!”

He asked me out. I said yes.

Jude’s idea to meet up for coffee before he hits the park was brilliant. I’m not fully human until I’ve had my coffee. There are approximately one grillion places to get coffee in New York City and I intend to sample every last one of them.

The Dean & DeLuca on University Place has a light, airy atmosphere. That’s why I suggested we meet up here when Jude called me to make plans. The ambience will help keep everything else light and airy.

I spot Jude the second I walk in the door. He’s watching for me from a corner table. He waves even though he has to see that I’m coming over to him.

“Hey.” I drop my hobo bag on the floor and pull out the wire-frame chair across from him. My bag is almost as massive as Sadie’s today. After coffee I’ll be doing a few errands and then camping out at the library. Slumming it at the library isn’t exactly my idea of a rocking Sunday. But summer session requires you to read a horrifying amount of pages in a crazy condensed period of time. We’re basically cramming an entire semester’s worth of material into six weeks.

This is the first time I’m seeing Jude in regular clothes. He’s wearing standard summer boy gear—board shorts, ironic tee, flip-flops—but the way he carries himself and the chill Cali vibe he gives off are making everything sexier than it should be.

“Are you from California?” I ask.

“Born and raised here in New York.”

“Huh.”

“Do I seem like I’m from the other coast?”

“Sort of. You have a surfer-boy look with a Cali vibe going on.”

Jude laughs. “‘Surfer-boy look.’ That’s a first.”

“No one’s ever told you that?”

“Not to my face.” Jude stands and pats his back pocket. “What can I get you?”

“Double shot of espresso.”

“Damn, girl. You’re more hardcore than me.”

When Jude gets back with our coffees, I dive right into what I hope will be an enlightening conversation. He’s like a crystal clear ocean I can’t wait to explore.

“So,” I say. “Tell me about your adventures.”

“Which ones?”

“The ones most interesting to tell.” We reach for the sugar shaker at the same time. My hand brushes his. A shiver goes through me.

“Let’s see. . . .” Jude reflects. “Most recently I met a girl.”

“What’s she like?”

“First off, she’s smart. Like scary smart. I might be a little intimidated. And she’s gorgeous . . . and inspiring. And alive.”

“As opposed to all those dead girls you meet?”

“Most people aren’t living in a way that makes them feel alive. They want more out of life, but they’re too afraid to make any big changes.” Jude picks up his mug and blows on his coffee. “You’re not like that. You don’t go through life like it’s a series of motions. You’re alive. You live out loud more impressively than anyone else I know.”

Um. We just met and he’s this stoked? Either the boy is playing me or he’s a touch too serious.

“You already know that about me?” I ask. “Not the impressive part—sorry to disappoint on that. The alive part.”

“You have an alive vibe like I have a Cali vibe.”

“Do I have a Cali vibe to you?”

Jude studies me. “Actually, yeah. Are you from there?”

“Santa Monica.”