City Love(14)

“Come on,” I say. “We’ll do my favorite walk.”

We walk west toward the Hudson River. There’s something about walking downtown along the water that always gives me an epic feeling. Whenever I’m agitated or sad, I’ll walk along the water and automatically feel better. Walking restores my hope that everything will be okay. Especially at night. The city lights soothe me. The city energy makes me feel like anything is possible. Like all of my dreams will come true if I keep dreaming big. I want to share that energy with Austin. Or at least try to. Making another person feel exactly what you feel is hard. But I think he’ll understand. I can’t wait for it to get dark so the city lights can work their magic on him.

“Have you ever noticed how many blue doors there are around here?” Austin says.

“Um, and red doors. I thought I was the only one who noticed stuff like that.”

“No way. Counting colored doors is my jam.”

“It’s my jam.”

“We can share a jam.” Austin smiles, looking all around. I love that he looks up when he walks. I love that he notices the little things that make this city so beautiful. I love that we’re walking down Perry Street, a street I’ve walked down a million times before, and he’s making it feel new. The landmarks I’m so familiar with feel completely different now. In a good way.

We cross the West Side Highway to the walking path along the river. Something else I’ve done a million times before. But when I turn left this time with Austin by my side, every cell in my body is buzzing with excitement.

“Where do you live?” I ask. What if Austin has been here this whole time? What if he lived near me and I didn’t even know it?

“Jersey City.”

“Have you been there a long time?”

“Two years. I was in a dorm freshman year. Then I wanted to find an apartment near UNY, but the city’s crazy expensive. So I got a place in JC with two other guys.”

“Do you still have the same roommates?”

“Nope. I’m solo now. Trying to be a grownup and all that. I found a one-bedroom near my old place. What about you?”

“I just moved to an apartment near UNY, but it’s student housing. I have two roommates who appear to be awesome. The crazy thing is I grew up in the West Village not far from my new place.”

“Way to pull off going away to college without going away.”

“Tell me about it. I really need to explore. I’ve never been to Jersey City.”

“You grew up here and you’ve never ventured across the water?”

“There was no reason to go.” Until now. “I’d like to see it sometime.”

I’m hoping Austin will say that he’ll take me. But he doesn’t say anything. He just looks across the water at the Jersey City skyline. It’s amazing how much the skyline has been developed over the past decade. When I was little, there were hardly any tall buildings to look at. Now I love looking at the stripy-light building on my night walks. It’s this building with a slanted top that has stripes of light moving across it. Sometimes the top is lit up only white with no movement. Other nights stripes of different colors blink across the slanted top. Some nights the top is dark. I’ve always wondered what the colors mean.

“Do you know what that building is?” I point at it. “The one with the light stripes?”

“It’s a financial center. A few different banks are in there.”

“Wow.”

“What?”

“I’ve been wondering what that building is for years. And you just know.”

“I drive by it all the time.”

“That’s so weird.”

“Driving by it?”

“In a car? Yeah.”

Austin laughs. “You don’t ride around much in cars, huh?”

“Try never. Except a few summers when my parents rented a car for weekend trips. But it’s weird that I’ve been on this side of the river admiring that building for years and it’s just some office building you pass on the way to Home Depot or wherever.”

We look at the light stripes. Wide purple stripes and thin red stripes are blinking.

“It does look cool from over here,” Austin says. “But it’s just a regular building up close.”

“That’s so disappointing.”

“Maybe we could find out what the colors mean. Would that make you feel better?”

“That would be amazing. I’ve always wondered what they mean.”

“Unless they’re randomly generated and have no significance whatsoever.”

“At least we’d know. Better to know than not know. Even if it’s bad news.”

“I don’t know about that. Sometimes the element of mystery adds to the allure.”


True, surprises can be fun. Then there are other times when you’d give anything for answers. Like I’d love to know if Austin is going to hold my hand at some point tonight. I’ve been wondering our whole walk. Which is scary and thrilling at the same time. That thing where you want him to touch you and you’re pretty sure he wants to touch you, but he can’t touch you because it’s too early or things are undefined or whatever. You want it so bad, but you can’t have it yet. Like cinnamon buns fresh from the oven that are too hot to eat. You have to wait until they’re cool. Except in this case, things with Austin are only getting hotter.