Capturing the Devil (Stalking Jack the Ripper #4)(89)
It seemed we now had one more complication to add to our never-ending tally.
THIRTY-EIGHT
BE MINE
GRANDMAMA’S ESTATE
CHICAGO, ILLINOIS
14 FEBRUARY 1889
I was in such a miserable state after our encounter with the general inspector that I hardly noticed the food on my plate. I stabbed at my vegetables, lost in my darkening mood. Thomas and I sat alone in the large dining room while Uncle sequestered himself away in his new makeshift basement laboratory, setting up his tools in a manner that pleased him.
We’d offered our assistance, but the feral look in his eyes had us back up the stairs in an instant. It was best to leave him to his work, lest he start tossing scalpels and bone saws about, disturbed by the intrusion.
I brought the fork to my mouth, still no closer to paying attention to my meal.
I grabbed for my wineglass instead, taking a small sip and hoping my expression didn’t turn as sour as the drink. Thomas sighed from across the table. I flicked my attention to him, not quite understanding the look on his face.
“Are you well?” I asked, unable to discern if he was sad or ill. Perhaps he was both. I looked at him, really looked, and saw smudges of darkness under his eyes. A haggardness that edged his beautiful features. I wasn’t the only one who hadn’t been sleeping well. “What is it?”
He set his cutlery down, then folded his hands together as if in prayer.
Perhaps he was requesting assistance from our Heavenly Father. “I hate when you’re upset, Wadsworth. It makes me…” He wrinkled his nose. “It makes me feel quite foul, too. It’s abominable.”
I raised my brows—I could tell there was more. His eyes didn’t hold that usual glimmer of excitement when he teased me.
“I hate feeling out of control,” I said, hoping by admitting my fears it might encourage him to do the same. I sipped from my wine, no longer bothered by its tartness. “The general inspector believes we’re overreacting or fame-mongers chasing headlines. We haven’t been able to assist Noah in his endeavors.
Then”—I stumbled over our personal drama, unable to think or speak of the failed marriage more than I already did—“there’s Nathaniel’s confession and his journals. Which only add to my confusion and feeling of spinning helplessly, wildly out of control.”
I inhaled a sharp breath. There was more to my growing anxiety. Things I hadn’t wanted to share with him or admit to myself. I stared at the delicate lace on the table runner. It was so beautiful it made me want to slash it with my knife.
“Then there are my nightmares,” I whispered, not meeting his gaze. “At night, I see a man with curved horns. Always in silhouette. He doesn’t speak.
Doesn’t move. He stands there in the shadows, as if he’s… waiting for me.” A chill ran along each of my vertebrae. I finally worked up the nerve to look at Thomas. His face was a study of worry—worse than it had been moments ago.
He nodded for me to continue. “He comes for me every night, stealing into my most private moments. I-I know it’s not real, but it’s hard to not think—”
I snapped my mouth shut, suddenly unsure I wanted to be quite so vulnerable. I knew Thomas wouldn’t accuse me of madness, but I did not want to add to his growing worries by admitting the full truth. I wondered if the devil in my dreams wasn’t haunting me, but waiting for me to willingly come to him.
To accept my role as his mistress of darkness. The silent command emanating from him was simple: Surrender, he seemed to say without speaking. Part of me feared I’d set this inevitable path into motion the moment I decided to follow my own desires.
Thomas might be Dracula’s heir, but I was the one who craved blood. I was the one who enjoyed sinking my blades into dead flesh more than I had any right to. Sometimes, if I gave in to my secret fears, I worried there was something gnarled and twisted in me. Perhaps our wedding had fallen apart because my true companion was Satan and I was destined for treacherous things.
Thomas moved swiftly around the table and sat beside me, taking me into his arms. He cradled me there, against his pounding heart, as if he could keep my demons at bay through the sheer force of his will. “How long have the nightmares been happening?”
I hesitated. Not because I couldn’t recall, but because I wasn’t sure I should admit they’d begun the same night we’d spent our first evening together. Right before our failed wedding. I didn’t want him internalizing anything, thinking my subconscious was damning me for our desires of the flesh. I feared he’d stay far from my bedchamber forever, blaming himself no matter how wrong that was.
And while I shouldn’t miss his presence in my bed since he was promised to another, I wasn’t ready to say good-bye to him yet.
“A few weeks.”
He sucked in a breath. I could practically hear the gears of his mind cranking over the information. “How can I make them go away?” he asked, his mouth against my hair. “Tell me how to help you, Audrey Rose.”
My first reaction was to pretend I could handle it on my own, but my mind was churning with negativity. I could not take the constant bombardment without a bit of respite. I wrapped my arms around him, uncaring that it wasn’t the most comfortable position, sitting crookedly in our stiff dining room chairs.