Call the Shots (Swim the Fly #3)(85)

I leap into the front passenger seat and see Uncle Doug with his head tipped back, snoring away as a string of drool hangs precariously from the corner of his mouth.

“Oh, my God,” Helen shouts from the backseat. “Is he sleeping?”

I reach out and shake Uncle Doug’s shoulder. “Wake up! Wake up! Start the van!”

“What? Huh?” Uncle Doug jolts upright. “What’s going on? Where am I?” He looks around, blinking like crazy. “Goddamn it. I was just having bacon cheeseburgers with the Dalai Lama at the Beefery, and he was about to tell me the meaning of life. Nice going, Seanie.”

I glare at him. “There isn’t going to be a life to have any meaning if we don’t get the hell out of here right now!”

“Okay, okay,” Uncle Doug says. “Don’t get your dander up — we’re going.” He reaches down toward the ignition but finds no keys. “Hmm. That’s odd. Where’d my keys go?”

Oh, crap.

I glance out the window and see Matt and Nick barreling toward the van, a lynch mob of guests closing in on them. “Oh, man, we are totally screwed,” I say.

“We’re fine,” Uncle Doug scoffs as he runs the tips of his fingers all over the gritty floor mat. “They have to be here somewhere. Keys don’t just up and walk off on their own.”

Then, all of a sudden, there’s the wail of a police siren in the distance. And it’s getting louder. Very quickly.

Uncle Doug bolts upright. “Oh, shit. Okay. Um. You two get out. And, uh . . . check the surrounding area for the keys. Hurry! Before it’s too late.”

Without thinking, Helen and I obey, leaping outside to search the ground.

Suddenly, and without warning, Uncle Doug’s van roars to life and tears out of the parking lot.

Leaving Helen and me standing there. Completely dumbstruck.

“Holy crap!” Coop shouts as he, Val, and Evelyn skid up to us. “Did Uncle Doug just bail on us? What the hell?”

We all watch as the van pulls an illegal U-turn and takes off down the street.

“It was the pillowcase full of pot,” I say.

“Goddamn it!” Coop yells. “Everything was going so well.”

And just as Matt and Nick arrive at our side — the pursuing partygoers clopping toward us in their fancy dress shoes — a cop car screams into the parking lot and skids to a halt right by the curb.





“POLICE!” ONE OF THE COPS shouts as he bounds from the car. “Nobody move!”

Everyone freezes, including the posse that was chasing Nick and Matt.

“We got a call of a possible disturbance,” the second officer says, staring at the seven of us huddled together. He looks like a chubbier, angrier Will Smith. “Something about people dressed up in ape suits and causing havoc?” He points at Nick, Matt, and me. “I’m assuming that’s you three.”

“Oh, crap,” Nick mutters, his voice low and hollow in the monkey mask. “There goes my probation.”

I turn to him. “Your what?”

“Just clamp it,” Nick spits. “Play it cool. Don’t take off your mask until they make us.”

“All right.” The first cop circles us. He’s got acne-scarred cheeks that make him look like a James Bond villain. “Who wants to do the talking?”

“We’re shooting a movie,” Coop leaps in. “We were told we could film here.”

“Is that so?” the bloated Will Smith says.

“That is not so.” Ulf tromps over to us, still wiping at his bepuked face with a napkin. “No permission was given. That is a bald-headed lie.”

“May I?” The first cop motions to the video camera in Val’s hand. She hands it over, and the officer examines it. “Hey, Trent. Didn’t we get a report of a bunch of stolen camera equipment recently?”

“Sure did, Jay. I think it was Leo’s Cameras.” Trent steps up to Helen and holds his hand out to her. She passes off the DSLR to him and he turns it over, inspecting the bottom. “We better run the serial numbers on these.”

“That’s not stolen.” Helen turns to Evelyn. “Tell them where you got it.”

“You tell them,” Evelyn snaps. “It’s your camera.”

Helen jerks back. “No, it isn’t. You said —”

“I didn’t say anything.” Evelyn stares daggers into Helen. “Just shut your mouth.”

“Okay, okay.” Officer Trent holds up his hands. “Let’s take this down to the station, and we’ll get everyone’s statements.” He turns to his partner. “Better get the wagon down here. We’ve got a horde to transport.”

“Oh, my God! What the hell is she doing here?” Evelyn’s arm shoots out like a switchblade.

Everyone turns to see what she’s pointing at. And there’s Leyna and Hunter standing on the periphery of the crowd.

Oh, shit. As if things weren’t bad enough.

I give them a quick shake of my head, psychically telling them to leave.

Evelyn spins on me. “You! You invited that tramp? To our movie set? I knew it. You cheating bastard. I never should have trusted you.”

“Just hold on a second,” Officer Jay says. “Are those two somehow involved in this?”