Bad to the Bones(60)
I wasn’t exactly sure how that worked, though. I remembered him saying our entire education system was geared toward competition, jealousy, and judgment. From kindergarten, we are trained this way. I knew I was feeling the feelings that any ordinary outsider would feel, witnessing the man they loved humping someone else. I was ordinary, an outsider! So maybe it wasn’t such a bad thing, after all. Did I really need to “break out of my unhealthy response to strong emotions”?
I was pondering this—and trying to picture not the sway and hump of Knoxie’s ass as he ground into that slut, but him facing me, smiling that adorable smile. He was a badass. I knew that “Filthy Few” patch hadn’t been for selling lots of cookies. Madison had told me what it meant. I couldn’t help the feeling that it all had something to do with me. Knoxie had killed a man because of me. I had the feeling he wouldn’t have even patched in to The Bare Bones if we hadn’t been dumped on that mesa, if Lytton hadn’t asked him along to help that day. He wouldn’t have gone out looking for a granola shipment, he wouldn’t have killed a man—at least one man, more from the snippets I’d been overhearing around The Citadel—and his life wouldn’t be in this precarious, dangerous spot.
Another rainstorm had passed and I could smell the composting facility before I came around the bend in the canyon. It was a horrible place to stick a pregnant woman. Talk about dirt. Ginny ran a slow speed shredder inside a giant warehouse where loaders dumped a mix of household waste. She basically just pushed buttons while equipment dumped rancid vegetable peelings. I thanked God that her shift was nearly over, because I hadn’t been around this much noise in a while and immediately a headache began to creep up on me.
We embraced and went to a locker room so she could change out of her rank coveralls. Ginny wasn’t sure how many people knew I was shunned. She said on average two people a day might approach her asking where I was. Some seemed to have an idea I had left under a cloud of suspicion. Now there were a few other sanitary workers lingering around, so we kept our conversation clean.
“Knoxie is a dream,” said Ginny, stepping out of the uniform. It was so crusted with filth it practically stood up on its own. “I couldn’t believe how manly he was, riding up to the gate like that, all just for you. It was like out of some romantic movie.”
“Yeah, well, he’s not being romantic. He’s on a crusade we can discuss later. Aren’t you going to shower?”
Ginny shook her head. “Pipes are broken.”
“Oh, gross!”
“What can you do? The guy who was acting as a plumber was really a lawyer, so they sent him to work in the grocery store instead.”
“Why? Did he have some childhood trauma regarding mangoes?”
Ginny looked mystified. I’d forgotten that she wasn’t entirely convinced of the sheer level of evilness she was wallowing in. “Didn’t you prefer serving food at the cafeteria?”
“Well, I suppose so. Didn’t smell half as bad, anyway.” Ginny laughed for the first time as she pulled her purple sweater over her head.
A giant desire to safeguard and protect my little sister washed over me when I saw her slightly rounded belly. Shakti had implanted another spawn that he would just ignore at the childcare center, but Ginny would be scarred for life with the loss, like other Bihari girls I had known. That was, if Bodhi didn’t get to her first and shove her into the bath house. I asked cautiously, “Has anyone said anything to you about going to a bath house? Bodhi, maybe?”
“Yes!” Ginny said instantly. “How’d you know? At dinner, I told him the composting shower was broken, and he said don’t worry, I can take you to the bath house later.”
My heart stilled as if flash frozen into ice. I barely listened when another ashramite who was stepping into her overalls said, “I’ve heard about that bath house. It’s only for women. Tell me if you find it, ‘cause I’d sure like to know!”
Jesus Roosevelt Christ. Time was of the f*cking essence. Once we left the locker room, I drew Ginny close to me. “Ginny, you know I’ve got a shit ton of showers where I live now—with Knoxie,” I added, to enhance the allure for Ginny.
“So aren’t you coming back?”
“No, I’m not, Ginny. Shakti loaded me onto a bus that drove out onto a mesa along with a bunch of those guys they bussed in here. He doesn’t want me here, Ginny. At first I was hurt and offended, but now I realize it’s the best thing that ever happened to me.” We were standing near my Sporty, so I put my hands on her shoulders and faced her. “Ginny. Listen. I’ve been to the bath house before. It’s not a place where they clean you. Well, not per se, anyway. It’s a f*cking medical building, if you want to call it that. You know Bodhi was a doctor in his past life? Well, now he thinks he’s qualified to act as abortionist for the compound.”
I could feel Ginny stiffen under my fingers. Her eyes went round. “Abortionist?”
“Yes. I was in there once, years ago, right after we first came here. I was in your exact same shoes. Shakti had impregnated me and wanted nothing to do with it. So one morning some women came to get me, saying they were taking me to the bath house. Next thing I knew I was doped up, not knocked out, oh God how I wish, I guess they couldn’t afford real anesthesia, I was just extremely groggy and only halfway awake, with Bodhi inserting some kind of tube into an incision below my belly button. Ginny, I’ve been looking around on Madison’s computer the past week. What he did was a tubal ligation.”