Any Way the Wind Blows (Simon Snow, #3)(37)

He tilts his head in the other direction.

Right. Completely out of hand.

I haven’t even been trying to help Shepard. I erased the blackboard. I’ve been watching Norwegian soap operas and reading fanfiction and occasionally heating up Cup Noodles. Meanwhile Shepard’s been doing magic-knows-what with magic-knows-who.

I can’t let Shepard set up shop in my living room. What will he bring home?

“Shepard, I’ve been thinking.”

“So have I.”

“When I brought you here—”

“Penelope, I have been so ungrateful.”

“What? No, you haven’t.”

He nods, emphatically. “I have. To be honest, I didn’t really think you could fix my whole demon situation.”

My head is hanging forward. “Shepard, you were honest. You told me you didn’t think I could fix it.”

“But I still came home with you,” he says. “Just to see what would happen. You and your friends are the most interesting people I’ve ever met— and that’s saying something. I came along because I wanted to see what would happen next.”

“Shepard—”

“But the other day, after Simon left, and you broke all your chalk, it got me thinking…” He pushes up his wire-framed glasses. “I have met so many magickal creatures. And none of them have ever offered to help me before.”

“I’m not a creature—”

“I showed my tattoos to a genie once—”

What? “Where did you find a genie?”

Shepard grins. “In a lamp.”

“You found a genie trapped in a lamp?”

“I found a genie who lived in a lamp. In South Sioux City. The point is, he didn’t offer to help me. He said, ‘I’ve got two rules: You can’t wish for more wishes, and I don’t fuck with demons.’”

“Morgana preserve us.”

Shepard’s grin goes warm. “But you didn’t say that, Penelope.”

“That’s true,” I groan. I put my face in my hands. My fingers are greasy from the sausage roll.

“You immediately offered to help.”

“I did.”

“You insisted I accept your help.”

“Yeah…”

“Because you are a good person. A heroic person. You’re, like, who I’m out here trying to be in the world.”

“What? ” My head jerks up. How can he say that with a straight face? With a sincere face?

“I accept your help, Penelope.”

I groan again, loudly. “Shepard, nooooo. You were right all along.”

“No. You were right. I should trust you. I do trust you!” He’s gesturing broadly with an unopened bottle of orange juice. “You’re a wise and powerful witch, and I’m grateful for your help.”

“No! No, no, no. I’m none of those things. I’m an idiot!”

“Are you kidding? I’ve known you for two weeks, and I’ve seen you make one daring escape after another. I watched you kill three vampires, Penelope.

Single-handedly!”

“Shepard, you only saw me get out of terrible situations because I had put myself—and my friends— into those situations. I only make bad decisions.

It’s even worse than you realize! The day before we met, I got dumped by someone who had apparently already dumped me multiple times. I was just too thick to figure it out! I’m the reason we were on that disastrous road trip.

And it wasn’t wise of me to kill those vampires. It’s probably on YouTube!”

“Oh, it’s definitely on YouTube. I’ve watched it.”

“I’ll probably lose my ring over it!”

“Penelope—” he says, as if I’m just now getting out of hand.

I keep getting there: “And what happened after that? I got captured by a skunk! And a dragon! And more vampires! And I did nothing to get myself or anyone else out of it. Nothing!”

“You saved Agatha.”

“Agatha saved Agatha! I was along for the ride!”

“Penelope, I watched you—”

“That’s a problem, too, Shepard. Magicians aren’t supposed to do magic in front of Normals. Our entire culture depends on secrecy. I should have wiped your memory a dozen times over.”

He smiles again. “To be fair, you did try.”

“Argghhhhhhhh.” I fall back against the headboard.

Shepard leans closer. “I know you’re a good witch,” he says gently. “Your friends treat you like a Jedi Master.”

“My friends?” I know Shepard doesn’t mean to be cruel, but that was a low blow. My voice drops away from me. “You mean, Simon? He broke up with me, too. Because I kept getting him in trouble. You heard my mother: I make problems.” I shake my head. “I don’t solve them.”

Shepard finally stops arguing.

I can’t face him. I stare at my lap instead.

After a few minutes, I hear him sigh. “So, that’s it? You’re going to send me home?”

I look back up. He’s got his lips twisted to one side. Like he can’t quite fathom that his powers of persuasion have failed.

“Yes,” I say. “I can send you to Las Vegas if you want. And give you money to get your truck back.”